Pastors: Why some love them and some don’t

“All were speaking well of Him, and wondering at the gracious words which were falling from His lips…. And all in the synagogue were filled with rage as they heard these things; and they rose up and cast Him out of the city…” (Luke 4)

Who was it who said “I’m not as bad as my worst enemies say, nor as good as my biggest supporters claim”?  Something like that.

I expect there’s a lot more going on as to why some love you, pastor–and others don’t–than first meets the eye.

Stella was a senior adult and dear to everyone in our congregation. From time to time, she would drop by the church office with fudge for her pastor. It was as delicious as anything Godiva or Hershey ever hoped to make.  I made sure she knew how much I appreciated her thoughtfulness.

Meanwhile, I was having a miserable time trying to get a handle on pastoring that church. A few of the leaders were chronically dissatisfied with anything I did and most of what I said.

I welcomed her kindness.

One evening on my way out the door, I ran into Stella in the hallway.  She said, “Pastor, I want you to see something.”  Opening her purse, she brought out a letter from ten years earlier written by the pastor at that time, Dr. Carl Bates.  He was thanking Stella for the wonderful candy.

I feigned shock. “Stella! I thought I was the only pastor you made fudge for!”

She smiled. “I have always loved all my pastors.”

I gave her a hug and said, “Good for you. That’s exactly how it should be.”

A few minutes later, on the drive home, something occurred to me.

The precious Stella had loved all her pastors.  She did so not because of what was in them, but because of what was in her.

I thought of William.  He was the opposite of Stella.  This deacon had, by all reports, always opposed his pastors.  He did so, I decided, not because of what was lacking in them, but what was lacking in him.

That little insight was delivered straight from Heaven, if I know anything.

Why some people love you, pastor, and some cannot stand you

Every pastor has wondered this.

No sooner had you arrived at that church, pastor, and you heard that some particular person (or group) was organizing against you.  They had not given you a chance. It couldn’t be said that they found something in you they didn’t like; they didn’t even know you and yet they’re already opposed to you.

At the same time–and almost as explicably–others in the church began to treat you as the second coming of their saintly grandfather.  They adored you, showered you with kindnesses, and went out of their way to welcome you.

What’s going on, you wondered.

You wonder what you did to deserve the accolades and what you’d done to provoke the opposition.

Answer: In most cases, nothing.

It’s not about you.

Now, I am fully aware that making generalizations of this kind is hazardous, and a one-size-fits-all rule is probably unwise.  Not all pastors are godly, humble, or even called.  Some preachers seem to delight in stirring up opposition.  However…

The people who love their ministers consistently and generously through the years do so not because the pastors are always deserving–because pastors are human and make mistakes and sometimes should be taken to the woodshed–but because the people themselves are wonderful and kind and loving.

And in the same way, the people who find fault with every minister they ever have do so because of what is lacking in themselves, not in the preacher.

See how they treated Jesus?  Expect the same for yourself, pastor.

After all, our Lord said, “A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a slave above his master.  It is enough for the disciple that he become as his teacher, and the slave as his master.  If they have called the head of the house Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household” (Matthew 10:24-25).

Here is one tiny sample…

And they were watching (Jesus) to see if He would heal (the man with a withered hand) on the Sabbath, in order that they might accuse Him…. (After Jesus healed him) The Pharisees went out and immediately began taking counsel with the Herodians against Him, as to how they might destroy Him” (Mark 3:1-6).

The problem was not with Jesus.  All He was doing was blessing and healing and helping.  The problem was with the religious leaders and what was lacking in them.

And what was that? What were they missing?

–Clearly, they were missing love.  “Jesus was grieved by the hardness of their hearts” (Mark 3:5).

–But the failure to love is always a symptom of a larger problem: The absence of the reigning Holy Spirit in their lives. The religious leaders were trying to live for God in the flesh, doing it their way.  As a result, they were missing the empowering work of the Holy Spirit.

“The love of God has been shed abroad in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us” (Romans 5:5).

Therefore, dear embattled and adored pastor…

Keep telling yourself, “It’s not about me.”

Because it isn’t.  Some will love you because they love Jesus. And some will despise you because they’re resisting Him.

Here are a couple of statements from our Lord you may want to post on the wall of your stronghold, pastor…

“He who receives you receives me, and he who receives Me receives Him who sent me” (Matthew 10:40).

“The one who listens to you listens to Me.  And the one who rejects you rejects me; and he who rejects Me rejects the One who sent Me” (Luke 10:16).

They are treating you the way the treat Jesus.

What they think of Him, they are transferring to you, pastor.

It’s the highest honor of your life.  And this explains Acts 5:41.  After the disciples were arrested, tried, and flogged for preaching Jesus, we read: “And they went on their way, rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name.”

Let us be worthy, dear pastor. God bless and encourage you.






7 thoughts on “Pastors: Why some love them and some don’t

  1. Thank you for sharing this insight as a pastor. I have been there. Experienced the greatest rejection and planned attack on my ministry. The leadership drove me out after 11 years serving in ministry to dear people. They searched for sins in my life and had difficulty finding them. My own staff made my life miserable. But God in his grace released me from this ministry and has allowed me to find grace and healing for my soul. I forgive the traitors and impostors. Your article spoke to my heart

  2. It was John Travolta who, during his out of work years before acting pick up for him who said “I wasn’t THAT good, and I am not THIS bad.”

  3. Found your encouraging article by looking for the author of the quote cited at the beginning of the article. Going thru it right now, but…Praise God for the fudge-makers! You are a blessing & a brother.

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