{"id":22731,"date":"2021-08-13T09:24:30","date_gmt":"2021-08-13T14:24:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joemckeever.com\/wp\/?p=22731"},"modified":"2021-08-13T09:24:50","modified_gmt":"2021-08-13T14:24:50","slug":"flirting-with-temptation-playing-with-fire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/joemckeever.com\/wp\/flirting-with-temptation-playing-with-fire\/","title":{"rendered":"Flirting with temptation; playing with fire"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cFaithful are the wounds of a friend\u2026\u201d (Proverbs 27:6)<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Perhaps the most dangerous place on\u00a0the church campus is the pastor\u2019s counseling office.<\/p>\n

When the minister is shut up in a tight space with a vulnerable female who confides in him the most personal things of her life,\u00a0often the two people\u00a0do something completely natural and end up bonding emotionally.<\/p>\n

The bonding process is simple: she opens up to him, he sympathizes with her, she reaches out to him, and there it goes.<\/p>\n

Many a ministry and a great many marriages have been destroyed in the counseling room.<\/p>\n

Can we talk about this?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Rick Warren\u00a0says if any of his staff\u00a0even flirt with temptation, he\u2019s coming at them with a baseball bat. And he wants them to do the same for him.<\/p>\n

Every\u00a0pastor needs a baseball-bat wielding friend.<\/p>\n

Sometimes we need a buddy to beat some sense into our heads. To speak the uncomfortable truth to us. To risk the relationship in order to save a marriage, a reputation, a ministry.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s talk about ministers and\u00a0sexual temptation.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The rest of you may leave the room.<\/p>\n

Remember the Ashley Madison foolishness?\u00a0 What were otherwise normal, healthy people thinking when they enrolled in a program which offered confidential adultery?\u00a0 Is that ever an oxymoron!<\/p>\n

Even pastors fell for that come-on.\u00a0 And that is one of the saddest things I know.<\/p>\n

Most illicit affairs, however, did not start on the internet, but with innocent, harmless connecting.\u00a0 Perhaps it was flirting, sharing a fun experience, playing on the same team.\u00a0 The two people worked on a project in close proximity or sat together in a small room discussing personal things. They, for want of a better word, \u201cconnected.\u201d<\/p>\n

They bonded.<\/p>\n

Flirt with temptation and although I\u2019m neither a prophet nor the son of one, I can predict with a high degree of accuracy what\u2019s going to happen.<\/p>\n

Someone\u00a0is going to get\u00a0burned.<\/p>\n

Flee youthful lusts <\/em>says 2 Timothy 2:22. <\/em>\u00a0The\u00a0recommended treatment\u00a0for sexual temptation is simple and clear.\u00a0\u00a0Run! Get\u00a0out of there\u00a0as fast as you can!<\/em><\/p>\n

Do not argue with the temptation or the tempter. Do not analyze it, reason with it, explain it, justify it, or try to convert it. Just get out of there.<\/p>\n

Flee! Run. Leave. Now.<\/p>\n

First, an uncomfortable truth<\/strong>: In my opinion, there are any number of people in this world whom you could easily fall in love with.\u00a0 Stated another way, there are numerous individuals\u2013there\u2019s no way to know how many\u2013with whom you could connect deeply and probably have a wonderful marriage with.<\/p>\n

So, get that notion out of your head, friend, that says: \u201cI\u2019ve found the one and only love of my life in this new person.\u201d<\/p>\n

You are fooling yourself and playing with fire.<\/p>\n

No. You. Have. Not.<\/p>\n

You may have found one of the fifty or a hundred or five hundred individuals with whom you could bond and fall in love and have a successful marriage.\u00a0 Big deal.<\/p>\n

Now, let\u2019s go on.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to assume that you did not intentionally put yourself in a position where you would be assaulted by temptation.\u00a0 You were doing your job, as you saw it, going about your pastoral ministries when suddenly you looked up one day and realized you were snared in the tangled net of full-blown sexual temptation.<\/p>\n

It felt both wonderful and frightening.\u00a0 \u201cWhat have I gotten myself into?\u201d you asked yourself again and again.<\/p>\n

A typical situation\u2026.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You are a pastor.\u00a0 She has asked you for an appointment. She belongs to another church in the community, but feels she cannot discuss\u00a0such personal things\u00a0with her pastor.\u00a0 In your office, she opens up and tells you private things. She\u00a0speaks of her husband\u2019s failings and how needy she is. Perhaps she confesses to having \u201ca thing\u201d for you, or\u00a0gets the same point across\u00a0in some other way. Everything inside you is responding. You know full well what is happening here. You are human enough to want what she is offering free of charge and smart enough to know the cost of such a dalliance is beyond anything you\u2019d ever want to pay.<\/p>\n

She tells you\u2013or you tell yourself!\u2013that this won\u2019t hurt anyone, that you deserve it.\u00a0 She admires you so much and thinks you are the greatest man she has ever met.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not blaming her.\u00a0 I\u2019m not even blaming you. I\u2019m simply saying this is how these things get started.<\/p>\n

Now\u2026.<\/p>\n

You are not stupid. You know you\u2019re playing with fire.\u00a0 But surely the Lord understands, doesn\u2019t He?<\/p>\n

Or, another variation: She does nothing to \u201ccome on\u201d to you.\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t need to. You are the one overdosing on hormones when she is near. The problem is all from you, not from her.<\/p>\n

You find yourself wanting to reach out and touch her.<\/p>\n

\u201cYouthful lust,\u201d Paul calls this.\u00a0 He nailed it. Adolescence rages within you.<\/p>\n

You are considering doing the dumbest thing in the history of the world.\u00a0 What you are contemplating will make Esau\u00a0trading his birthright for a \u00a0\u201cmess of greens\u201d look like the champion day-trader of all time.<\/p>\n

You\u00a0are now considering\u00a0swapping your home, the love of your wife and the respect of your children, your entire ministry, and the influence for Jesus Christ built by decades of faithful service for\u2026what?<\/p>\n

Her.\u00a0 For an hour with her?\u00a0 For an unknown future?<\/p>\n

Are you out of your cotton-picking mind?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s time to run. Get away.<\/p>\n

How to leave<\/strong><\/p>\n

Once you determine\u00a0that you are developing feelings for the woman\u2013whether by something\u00a0she did or your own weaknesses\u2013you should\u00a0find a way to get out of Dodge\u00a0immediately.\u00a0Make up\u00a0an excuse. Create an emergency.\u00a0 Prevaricate if you must.<\/p>\n

If this is a counseling situation,\u00a0thank her, tell her something has come up so that you have to end the session,\u00a0give her the name of a more qualified counselor, and offer a short prayer for God\u2019s blessings upon her.\u00a0 If she does not take the hint and leave, you get up and walk out of the office.\u00a0 Tell your secretary on the way out to deal with the lady, gently and firmly.<\/p>\n

What if she gets angry or acts hurt or offended?\u00a0 Answer: I can almost guarantee that she will.\u00a0 But at the moment, you are \u201con guard for yourself\u201d (Acts 20:28) and cannot take responsibility for her.<\/p>\n

Here are a few observations for what they are worth on matters which pastors should consider\u2026.<\/strong><\/p>\n

1) Few pastors are qualified to be pastoral counselors.<\/p>\n

Those pastors who see their primarily calling as counselors rather than as pastors should consider going full-time into a ministry of pastoral counseling.\u00a0 For some reasons beyond me, the rules seem to change and vocational counselors seem to be more immune to this kind of temptation than pastors.<\/p>\n

2) Pastors should have readily available information on \u201capproved\u201d counselors in the area. When people inquire about counselors, hand them the brochure or a list of therapists you recommend.<\/p>\n

3) Large churches frequently have on staff an entire corps of counselors.\u00a0 Other pastors in the area will find them a welcome resource.<\/p>\n

As a young pastor in a small city without the first professional counselor, I found my schedule literally filled with people from other churches wanting an hour of my time. (I look back and remember some days scheduling six appointments like this.\u00a0 I was to find out years later that the professionals consider 20 hours of counseling a full week.) These days, that same city has a half-dozen counselors who are available and eager to help people.\u00a0 No pastor in that city needs to spend his time in counseling.<\/p>\n

4) At the most, a typical pastor should confine himself to one session with the individual, just long enough to determine the problem and decide to whom to refer him\/her.<\/p>\n

5) The quickest way to destroy a pastor\u2019s ministry is for someone to run out of his office accusing him of something inappropriate.\u00a0 No matter how innocent he is, the charge will follow him forever and many will choose to believe the accuser.<\/p>\n

Not every pastor accused of immorality is guilty. But the rumor is there and will follow him forever. A wise pastor will take steps to safeguard himself against this before it occurs.<\/p>\n

6)\u00a0Ministers can be\u00a0the most na\u00efve people in the room.\u00a0 They tend to trust everyone, take people at face\u00a0value, and \u201care just sure\u201d this could not happen to them.\u00a0 But it\u00a0can and it has.<\/p>\n

Let the pastor beware. Let him be \u201cwise as serpents and harmless as doves.\u201d<\/p>\n

7) A wise pastor will work with everyone on his staff to head this kind of business off long before it starts.\u00a0 Bring them together, discuss it, bring in a professional counselor to discuss it. Or, ask your denominational office to send a qualified teacher to lead your ministers to set up safeguards.\u00a0 You help one another to stay safe.<\/p>\n

And while you\u2019re at it, give everyone there a baseball bat.\u00a0 (I’m serious.) Put their names on theirs.<\/p>\n

Tell them what to do with it and when.<\/p>\n

Find an old football dummy and set it up outside the church. Then, lead your team outside and take turns hitting \u201cthe dummy\u201d upside the head with the baseball bat. Practice beating some sense into its head.<\/p>\n

Repeat the lesson\u00a0as often as necessary.\u00a0 Never\u00a0assume your staff is immune to temptation.\u00a0\u00a0To do so is playing with fire.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cFaithful are the wounds of a friend\u2026\u201d (Proverbs 27:6) Perhaps the most dangerous place on\u00a0the church campus is the pastor\u2019s counseling office. When the minister is shut up in a tight space with a vulnerable female who confides in him … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45,70,59,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22731","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family","category-love","category-marriage","category-pastors"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/joemckeever.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22731","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/joemckeever.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/joemckeever.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/joemckeever.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/joemckeever.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22731"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/joemckeever.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22731\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22734,"href":"http:\/\/joemckeever.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22731\/revisions\/22734"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/joemckeever.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22731"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/joemckeever.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22731"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/joemckeever.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22731"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}