The 27th chapter of Proverbs has become a favorite of mine. So much of it concerns friendship.\u00a0 Consider for instance…<\/p>\n
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy\u2026.. Do not forsake your own friend or your father\u2019s friend\u2026. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away\u2026. He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him\u2026. Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another\u2026.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n As they said to George Bailey, \u201cNo man with many friends is poor.\u201d Or something to that effect.<\/p>\n The person who can boast many friends is rich indeed<\/p>\n Lately I\u2019ve found myself pondering those people who occupy a strategic spot in my mind, memory, and appreciation. That is, those I consider special friends.<\/p>\n And I think I\u2019ve identified a key element of that kind of close friendship.<\/p>\n <\/span>The essence of the really close friendship is HONOR.<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019m honored to be this person\u2019s friend. I feel he is better than me. An hour or an afternoon with him is like a gift. Even if we did nothing but browse old bookstores or drink coffee at a sidewalk cafe, the fellowship was like manna from heaven for me.<\/p>\n My friend is better than me and different from me. He (speaking generally here, now) has a mind of his own, does things I cannot, reads books and goes places I haven\u2019t, and always\u2013ALWAYS!\u2013has interesting contributions to whatever we\u2019re discussing at the moment.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Jim Graham is smarter than me. Earl Stegall is more mechanically minded.\u00a0 \u00a0Don Davidson is godlier.<\/p>\n There are many others.\u00a0 Mike Skiles.\u00a0 David Crosby. Shawn Parker.\u00a0 James Richardson, Chet Griffin, Joel Davis–these three in Heaven.\u00a0 \u00a0And there are so many others.<\/p>\n I am honored to be their friend.<\/p>\n Romans 12:3 comes to mind: I say to every man among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think.<\/em><\/p>\n With those few \u201cbest friends,\u201d you hardly think of yourself at all. It\u2019s not about you. You give not the slightest thought to what he thinks of you, how you\u2019re coming across, or what you should say next. You\u2019re in the moment.<\/p>\n The relationship between David and Jonathan in I Samuel 18 (and following) seems to have been of this nature. On the surface, it appears these two had so much in common each was naturally drawn to the other. I think that misses something important.<\/p>\n Young men who are alike in a hundred ways\u2013athleticism, skills with weaponry, good looks, intellect, popularity\u2013do not tend to gravitate toward one another. They tend to become rivals, fierce competitors.<\/p>\n I suspect each saw something in the other he admired and wished was true of him. David and Jonathan felt honored to be the friend of the other.<\/p>\n That\u2019s the essence, for me at least. It\u2019s certainly the case with the handful of my special friends who come to mind.<\/p>\n Who are they? If they read this blog, do they wonder if they are among those few?<\/p>\n No. They read it and know, without having to be told.<\/p>\n The test of a friendship is TRUTH.<\/strong><\/p>\n Can our relationship survive that moment of truth when one of us speaks an unpleasantry to the other? \u201cLook, I disagree with you about that article you wrote the other day.\u201d Instead of being offended and becoming defensive, everything inside me sits up to take notes. I\u2019m about to get a different perspective from someone I really trust. Pay attention, self.<\/p>\n The reason you don\u2019t get offended is that the difference in the two of you, far from being a hindrance or a problem, actually forms the foundation of the friendship. You admire so much in him you haven\u2019t found in yourself. So when he disagrees with you, offers a contrary opinion on something, or points out a negative, you welcome it.<\/p>\n I\u2019m remembering a conversation I had with a good friend.<\/p>\n We were on the interstate; he was driving. Suddenly, I interrupted him. \u201cMy friend, you have developed a couple of bad habits in your driving.\u201d<\/p>\n As the words are coming out, I had the strangest sensation. With anyone else, I would have expected them to tighten up inside, to prepare to be offended, to begin lining up their defenses. But with him, I expected none of that. He\u2019s far better than that.<\/p>\n I said, \u201cYou\u2019re talking with your hands, and sometimes you have both hands off the steering wheel, even in heavy traffic. And then, you\u2019re looking in my direction when you talk. Not good.\u201d<\/p>\n He laughed. \u201cMy wife says the same thing. But what neither of you know, is that when I\u2019m alone, I\u2019m a great driver.\u201d<\/p>\n I said, \u201cOf course you are. Because there\u2019s no one to the right of you. You\u2019re not talking, so you\u2019re not using your hands and looking at the other person.\u201d<\/p>\n He responded, \u201cWell, it\u2019s been years and years since I\u2019ve been in an accident.\u201d<\/p>\n I said, \u201cIt just takes one.\u201d<\/p>\n He smiled, \u201cTrue.\u201d<\/p>\n And nothing more was said.<\/p>\n I used to quote that old saw that a good friend is someone you can call at three in the morning to come help you bury the body.<\/p>\n I stopped doing it when that actually happened in Houston a few years back. A driver was coming home from a late party half-stoned when she hit a homeless man crossing the street in front of her. What is even more gruesome is that the victim came through the windshield. And she drove home with him hanging half in and half out, severely injured. Then she left him to die in the garage, if you can believe this.<\/p>\n Two days later, she managed to get up the courage to call her friends. A couple of them came and yes, helped her dispose of the body.<\/p>\n I suspect they\u2019re all in jail now. Those were no friends. A true friend is as much into truth as into you.<\/p>\n He is no friend who helps you do wrong.<\/p>\n The thing about my friends\u2013there ought to be a better term for it than \u201cbest friends\u201d\u2013is that instead of enabling my lower nature, they make me aspire to be more than I am, to become better than I ever was, to grow and stretch.<\/p>\n I type this and find myself wondering: when have I ever done that for them?<\/p>\n It feels like never.<\/p>\n I am so honored to be their friend.<\/p>\n \u201cLet each esteem others better than himself.\u201d That\u2019s how I learned Romans 12:10. The NASB puts it, \u201cGive preference to one another in honor.\u201d A footnote at the bottom informs the reader that it literally says, \u201cOutdo one another in showing honor.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The 27th chapter of Proverbs has become a favorite of mine. So much of it concerns friendship.\u00a0 Consider for instance… Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy\u2026.. Do not forsake your own … Continue reading