I’m confident most church members never analyze why they feel the way they do about their pastors, either positively or negatively. But I always wanted to know what was going on with\u00a0them.<\/p>\n
For forty-two years I pastored six churches, as well as serving on the staff of another church for three years.\u00a0 During those times, four areas used to concern me, to bug me actually, about our people.\u00a0 Whenever I would mention them to my ministry colleagues, most shrugged and said, “Not me.\u00a0 I don’t want to know that.”<\/p>\n
One.\u00a0 Why are you leaving?<\/strong><\/p>\n No matter how large or successful your ministry, people will leave from time to time and join a church down the highway.\u00a0 I wondered why.<\/p>\n Pastor Ross Rhoads\u00a0led\u00a0one of the largest churches\u00a0in Charlotte, NC at the time, easily twice the size of\u00a0First Baptist Church where I was serving. But we had a lot in common–age, experience, demanding schedules (preaching four services each Sunday!), and such–and enjoyed a friendship.\u00a0 That particular day, for some reason we began talking about people who leave our church to join another in the area.<\/p>\n I said, “I know we can’t pick up the phone and call them and say, ‘Why did you join that other church?\u00a0 Did we let you down in some way?’\u00a0 But I’d like to know. We could learn a lot by knowing why people leave.”<\/p>\n <\/p>\n “Not me,” said my distinguished colleague.\u00a0 “I don’t want to know.”\u00a0 He laughed and added, “I can’t handle it.”\u00a0 (An interesting admission from perhaps the most admired pastor in town.)<\/p>\n I know that feeling, of course.\u00a0 Ask any pastor.\u00a0 It feels like a rebuke when members leave your church for another in the same community.\u00a0 And no one in his right mind goes around seeking rebukes and asking unhappy people to dump on us.\u00a0 And,\u00a0I suppose that’s how it would feel to most pastors to want this information.<\/p>\n So, even though I rarely got it, I wanted to know why they left.<\/p>\n Two.\u00a0 Why are you unhappy?<\/strong><\/p>\n The question\u00a0assumes that some in the church will be unhappy with the preacher.\u00a0 Sad to say, that’s almost always the case. Since our church doors are open to “whosoever will,” there is no requirement of maturity or wisdom or Christlikeness from our congregation. So, a certain contingent in every church seems to be forever unhappy with something going on or someone in leadership.\u00a0 (Note to the leadership:\u00a0 If you cannot handle some people in the church being unhappy with the pastor, you will be forever upset.\u00a0 Likewise, the perfectionist pastor will become a neurotic, running around trying to please everyone.\u00a0 Best to accept the reality that no congregation is going to be free of those who wish the Lord would take this preacher and send them a good one!)<\/p>\n I wanted my disgruntled members\u00a0to analyze their unhappiness and tell me what they found.\u00a0 Perhaps the knowledge would help me.\u00a0 Failing that, perhaps we could help them.<\/p>\n In my last\u00a0pastorate I invited criticism.\u00a0 “Tell me what concerns you,” I said. “Anything that bugs you, strikes you as wrong,\u00a0 or offends you. I’ll even take anonymous notes.”<\/p>\n I wanted to know.\u00a0 “If we are doing something wrong, please tell me what it is.\u00a0 If you are unhappy with my preaching, tell me why.\u00a0 If something happened in the church that is a problem for you, please let me know about it.”<\/p>\n We provided several ways they could register their unhappiness.\u00a0 Each Sunday, we circulated a “pew register” in which everyone on a row signed in.\u00a0 At the end of the line they sign, there was room enough to leave a comment.\u00a0 They\u00a0might want to\u00a0send a note in the mail. Or, they could write a note and hand it to an usher or deacon.<\/p>\n The day I\u00a0started this, Mike Skiles–the kind of\u00a0deacon chair\u00a0every pastor would love to have–wondered if I knew what I was getting into. \u00a0“Preacher, I don’t think I’d do that!\u00a0 People don’t mind telling you what they think!\u00a0You’re making trouble for yourself.” \u00a0I understood where he was coming from.\u00a0 I said, “Mike, they’re going to tell someone.\u00a0 And I’d a lot rather it be me than their neighbors or family members.”<\/p>\n Furthermore, I thought it might help people to be asked to analyze why they were unhappy.\u00a0 They might learn something helpful about themselves.<\/p>\n I wish I could report some great blessings or discoveries from this, but twenty years later, none come to mind.\u00a0 The church was becoming healthier, however, after recovering from a split 18 months before I arrived.\u00a0 This might have been a small factor.<\/p>\n Three. How am I doing? <\/strong><\/p>\n I’d been at the First Baptist Church of Columbus, MS for four or five years and felt that things were going well.\u00a0 We had a full staff of ministers, the church was growing, and I had reached the point where the uneasiness inside me said I needed to do something for personal growth.\u00a0 But I didn’t know what.\u00a0 So, I asked the deacons to do something risky.<\/p>\n “I want you to evaluate me.”\u00a0 We had to discuss what that meant and how they would do it.\u00a0 There was no manual on this subject and they had no history of such a thing.\u00a0 This church was (and still is) used to long pastorates.\u00a0 My two predecessors stayed a quarter-century each.\u00a0 The congregation was stable and the demands they made on their pastor were not unusual nor burdensome.\u00a0 But even though they would have allowed me to settle in and grow comfortable, I didn’t want to become stale.\u00a0 So, I asked for the evaluation–and got more than I bargained for.<\/p>\n For reasons long forgotten, the deacons decided to go all out.\u00a0 They went through the church rolls and picked out every seventh name and made personal visits into their homes.\u00a0 They compiled a questionnaire of three pages, in which members were asked to rate the preacher on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the best).\u00a0 A typical question asked: Do you feel the pastor relates well to the church as a whole?\u00a0 (a blank followed each one) Children?\u00a0 Youth? College students?\u00a0 Young adults?\u00a0 Mature adults?\u00a0 Elderly?<\/p>\n Another question asked: “Have you been to a funeral conducted by the pastor?\u00a0 If yes, what was your opinion of the way in which it was conducted?”\u00a0 Four lines were left for the member to write their answers.<\/p>\n Obviously, this was a major task the deacons took upon themselves.\u00a0 Compiling the results was\u00a0 a huge job. Then, at the completion, the leadership made transparencies of the results and displayed them on a screen before all the deacons and me.\u00a0 This was the first I’d seen of the results.\u00a0 And, the result was excellent.\u00a0 There was no problem to cause me concern.\u00a0 (Which is probably the reason I remember it so well! Had the report been negative, I might not have been so quick to recommend it to my friends.)<\/p>\n Four. What would it take for you to decide to leave this church?<\/strong><\/p>\n Over the years, I asked this question of our membership from time to time.\u00a0 The reason was simple.\u00a0 Many people abandon a church for the flimsiest of reasons.\u00a0 I’ve known them to leave because they didn’t like the new pastor’s style. They left because the preacher didn’t visit their mama in the hospital.\u00a0 He said something from the pulpit that offended them.\u00a0 He failed to attend their daughter’s senior recital. They taught Sunday School for years and were not appreciated sufficiently.\u00a0 The new pastor made some changes which they disliked.\u00a0 The church moved a Sunday School class to a new room.\u00a0 The old Sunday School teacher died and a new one came.\u00a0 The new pastor doesn’t wear a necktie.\u00a0 The church installed a drum set.\u00a0 Or screens on the wall.\u00a0 Or disbanded the choir. On and on and on.<\/p>\n You think people would not leave a church for such silly reasons.\u00a0 But they do.<\/p>\n So, even though I’m not asking them to tell me what answers they come up with, it would do most people a world of good to ask themselves this question and try to answer it: “What would have to happen to get me out of this church?”<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I’m confident most church members never analyze why they feel the way they do about their pastors, either positively or negatively. But I always wanted to know what was going on with\u00a0them. For forty-two years I pastored six churches, as … Continue reading