Following the last article on fellowship in our churches, the one about shy people, my son Marty connected me with a website in which a college professor was sounding forth on the difficulty he and his wife–both shy people–are having locating a church in their new city on the West Coast. They’re looking for one of their denomination, one of the old-line liberal churches, and are quite specific as to what they like and cannot stand.<\/p>\n
Below are the eight points he makes. Rather than posting my comments on his website, the way bloggers invite readers to do–in fact, we treasure those comments and invite them here–I’ll leave my conclusions here. I’m confident the professor would not appreciate much I have to say, my being Southern Baptist and no doubt a fundamentalist Bible-thumper to his way of thinking. Besides, he’d probably tell me if I’m going to write this much about what he said, I should get my own website. (I told a writer that recently. He\/she came back and said, “Sorry. I don’t keep up with all the places I blog.”)<\/p>\n
Well, since I have my own website, here we go…. Let’s call the professor Henry and his wife Hankette.<\/p>\n
1. Please, please keep your hands off my wife and off me.<\/p>\n
Henry doesn’t like hugging, and worse, he abhors people he has just met who stand there stroking his arm, shoulder, or back. Hankette is worse about this than he.<\/p>\n
2. Do not call us out by name in front of the entire congregation.<\/p>\n
Hank writes, “Our modus operandi when we’re trying out a new place is to take in the full service, then decide whether to fill out the visitors’ card.” He says, “Handshakes? Smiles? Absolutely. But if we tell you our names, don’t say to the whole congregation, ‘Be sure to welcome Henry and Hankette who are sitting on the back row!'”<\/p>\n
3. We’ll come to the post-service potluck if we want to.<\/p>\n
\nEvidently, someone invited them to stay for lunch and added, “It’s okay if you didn’t bring anything.” That offended Henry. He writes, “We heard the minister invite everybody. We know it applies to us.”<\/p>\n
4. If we fill out a card, don’t stalk us.<\/p>\n
One church they visited promised, according to its website, that this is what would happen to those who fill out a visitor’s card: immediately following the service, a church worker knocks at their door with a gift. He\/she does not come in, but just gets acquainted at the door. Thereafter, for the next several months, telephone callers from the church periodically check on the visitors to see if they are being adequately welcomed and integrated into the community.<\/p>\n
Henry writes, “That’s right…after having a parishioner follow us home uninvited, we’d have had our own personal telemarketer for ‘several months’ thereafter.”<\/p>\n
5. There is no need to raise one’s hands when singing.<\/p>\n
In charismatic churches (his term), when worshipers raise one hand to the sky, palm out, while singing or praying, “this weirds me out,” Henry writes. And then, on those occasions where they raise two–TWO!!–hands to the sky, he’s out of there. “This led me to wonder if someone had kicked a field goal nearby.” He adds, “Seriously, if there are multiple hands up, there’s little chance I will return to that church.”<\/p>\n
6. I’m not a fan of the praise band.<\/p>\n
A guitar, piano, organ–fine. But the keyboards drive Henry up the wall.<\/p>\n
7. And if you must have a praise band, do not…do not…do NOT clap on one and three.<\/p>\n
Henry writes, “Now, anyone 70 and younger who matured in the post-Elvis era should have no trouble understanding the idea of clapping on the backbeat.”<\/p>\n
Now, personally, I do not have the foggiest notion what clapping on one and three or on the backbeat means. As one with a stunted sense of rhythm, I’ve noticed my tendency to clap on the opposite beat from the one church members around me are emphasizing. I take that as a birth defect and usually choose not to clap at all.<\/p>\n
8. Presentation really matters in a sermon.<\/p>\n
Henry and Hankette do not like jokes in a sermon. They don’t want the minister to “put on a show.” “If entertainment were my goal, I’d stay home with the TiVo. Instead, I want a time and place to think about God and re-center myself.”<\/p>\n
Henry writes, “I don’t even go to church to make friends. That’s a secondary concern. I do hope to make friends at church, but that’s a byproduct of meeting people with similar values. But when I’m at a service, it’s not to be friendly; it’s to connect with God.”<\/p>\n
He concludes with these fascinating lines….<\/p>\n
“When any of these seven (he had eight) rules above are broken, I can’t re-center. I can’t connect.”<\/p>\n
“So, we’ll keep shopping around. If you’re a member of (a church of his denomination) in (that area of the Northwest), we might be visiting you next. You might want to abide by these rules. If you do, you might have yourself new parishioners who will likely be around for about a quarter century.”<\/p>\n
There it is. What do you think?<\/p>\n
I let the article marinate in my head for two days, read the entire thing to my wife, and then phoned her three hours later to get her opinion. Discussing things with Margaret helps me clarify my own feelings on matters.<\/p>\n
At the end, readers are invited to leave your comments. And lengthy is actually okay, so long as you are on subject.<\/p>\n
1) What an egotist Henry is. He seems to think Christendom should adapt itself to his personality style. He assumes everyone in the church has his\/her act together and he and Hankette are the only seekers in the place, so members of the congregation should accommodate themselves to them.<\/p>\n
2) But, Henry’s right in a number of areas. Churches do not exist–or should not, at any rate–just for the extroverts and huggers among us. Pastors need to watch the tendency to amuse and entertain from the pulpit and remember their assignment to “preach the word” (II Timothy 4:2). About the hand-raising and praise bands, Henry needs to loosen up. This guy is too uptight.<\/p>\n
3) Henry seems to think that corporate worship should be identical to private, individual worship, just more crowded. But there has to be a reason Scripture calls on God’s people to come together for worship (Hebrews 10:25). In a special sense, the Lord is more present with the group than when we are alone (Matthew 18:20). When people who meet to worship join their voices and hearts–and who knows, maybe their hands too, Henry–something divine often happens.<\/p>\n
4) Shy people need to work against the shyness and not let it rule their lives. Like fear, it will grow if given in to.<\/p>\n
In her biography on cartoonist Charles Schultz, “Good Grief,” Rheta Grimsley Johnston told how the man was afraid to fly. Yet, he took at least one plane trip a year in order to fight against the fears. Shultz knew if he gave in to the fear of flying, next it would be a fear of driving, then a fear of leaving home, until finally, he would not be able to leave his room. Fears must always be resisted.<\/p>\n
Same with shyness, I think.<\/p>\n
5) I’d like to ask Henry, “Where is the Holy Spirit in your search for a church?”<\/p>\n
Henry and Hankette are church-shopping as though they are atheists, on their own, with their list of needs and requirements. “Meet these and we’re yours,” they are announcing. Sheesh! No, thank you.<\/p>\n
I don’t want Henry and Hankette in my church. I don’t like their attitude of “meet all my requirements and we will honor you with our presence.” These are the kinds of members who put the worry lines and grey hairs in the pastors and drive them to early graves.<\/p>\n
I’d like them to meet John and Gloria Pake, who were members of my first church after seminary, Emmanuel Baptist in Greenville, Mississippi. When the Pakes moved to this small Delta city, they began visiting churches. Here is the story as John gave it to me at a reception the night before our first Sunday there.<\/p>\n
“The first Sunday in Greenville, we visited Emmanuel Baptist Church. We were not impressed. The crowd was small, the choir was poor, and the sermon was average. And yet, strangely, we felt the Lord drawing us to join. But we didn’t.”<\/p>\n
“The next Sunday, we visited Calvary Baptist. This was another story. The church was overflowing, the choir was terrific, and the sermon was inspired. But, we felt no leadership from the Lord to unite with Calvary. So, next Sunday, we went back to Emmanuel.”<\/p>\n
“It was the same story: poor crowd, choir, sermon. Once again, the Holy Spirit was nudging us to join. So we did.”<\/p>\n
“Within two years,” John said, “everything had changed. The pastor resigned to go to another church, they had made me the Sunday School director, and now, we have a new pastor.”<\/p>\n
John’s point is one pastors would like every newcomer and “church-shopper” (don’t you hate that term!) to know: our church may not be what you are looking for, but it could well be the one God is leading you to. Perhaps He wants you to come help this church become more Christlike.<\/p>\n
6) Lastly, I’d love for Henry to pastor a church for about six months and find out what it’s like on the other side of the pulpit.<\/p>\n
The minister is knocking himself out trying to keep his congregation together, to pay the bills and get the roof fixed and plan the services. He struggles to minister to those who are sick, having surgery, upset, seeking, doubting, dying, and grieving. He does the counseling, the weddings, the funerals, and the janitorial work in some cases. He works on sermons that address real concerns and is continually smarting from criticism that his messages are too short, too long, too dry, too light, too emotional, too uninspiring, too theological, and too funny. He struggles to have a Bible study time of his own and a prayer time that is unhurried. He has a family, too, and they need more of him than he has left, which leaves him with a chronic nagging guilt over his priorities. He tries to read some of the religious magazines which fill his mailbox, tries to read the occasional book, tries to attend the denominational gatherings his bishop\/superintendent\/director-of-missions says are urgent, and tries to have time to meet his wife or a pastor friend for lunch once in a while.<\/p>\n
Then, on Sunday morning, the minister–fatigued from nights at the hospital with a dying member, committee meetings without end, and criticism flowing in from every quarter–walks up to the pulpit and attempts to turn all that off and lead the congregation–and himself!–in worship. He gives it his best shot. Hopefully what he had to offer today was acceptable to God, and not incidentally, to the official board who has been on his back lately.<\/p>\n
Then someone hands the poor pastor Hank’s list of “rules” which a church must meet if it is to be honored with him and his wife becoming members. No raising of hands, no praise band, no levity in the sermon, no touchy-feely, don’t embarrass us by over-welcoming us, and do not follow up on our visit.<\/p>\n
The minister reads that and his spirit drops another six inches. He feels someone has just placed another concrete block on his back, adding to an already considerable burden.<\/p>\n
7) And so, my prayer for Henry and Hankette is this: “Dear Lord, forgive them. They know not what they do. And please help your servants the ministers to ignore such egotistical demands. May all such church-seekers humble themselves and follow the counsel of your servant Paul who told us to be devoted to one another in brotherly love and to give preference to one another in honor.”<\/p>\n
That last is a reference to Romans 12:10. Verse 3 of that chapter reads: “For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think, but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith.”<\/p>\n
And verse 16. “Be of the same mind toward one another, do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.”<\/p>\n
You listening, Henry? Hankette? This has your name all over it. And mine, too, so frequently.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Following the last article on fellowship in our churches, the one about shy people, my son Marty connected me with a website in which a college professor was sounding forth on the difficulty he and his wife–both shy people–are having … Continue reading