As of last Saturday, I am the age of Ronald Reagan when he was elected president the first time. With him as my role model, I now have time for another career.
Someone asked this morning if I intend to enter politics. I said, “No. The movies.”
Two days before me, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and movie actor James Caan also reached the advanced age of 69. They look better and younger than me because they color their hair.
I’m considering going into denial about future birthdays. I may resort to the Greer Garson line: “Age is just a number and mine is unlisted.”
Got time for some stuff?
(In a conference, a friend, observing me dropping in an occasional humorous line, accused me of shallowness. I responded, “Everyone of those quips is profound. But most people don’t take the time to study them. That’s their problem, not mine.” That’s not entirely true, but I like to pretend it is!)
This fellow said their family used to have a “mobile” outhouse. In the summer it was 65 steps and in the winter it was a mile-and-a-half.
I had a garage sale. In the very first hour I sold $849 worth of stuff—for 39 dollars and 50 cents.
Two old men were talking. One said, “I’m going to live to be 120.” The other said, “I’m gonna miss you.”
The reporter asked, “To what do you attribute living to 103?” She answered, “There’s nothing to it if you got the time.”
My friend Bill Murfin used to say, “Know how to live to be a hundred? Get to be 99 and then be real careful.”
He: “If I’d known then what I know now…”
She: “You wouldn’t have married me, would you?”
He: “Yes, I would — but this time I’d dread it.”
My mama used to serve a lot of smothered chicken because she never learned how to wring their necks.
I used to think happiness was everyone loving me, but now I know it’s me loving everybody else.
A cartoon showed elderly people sitting around chatting. Outside, the sign says, “The Old Psychics Home.” As the snow falls, one old gent is saying to another, “Of course, it’s nothing compared to the blizzard of 2013!”
Speaking of psychics, this was an actual news item. An employee of a firm was applying to borrow money, and the boss was asked to fill out a reference on him. To the question “Is this person an employee of your company?” he wrote, “He works part-time for us as a psychic. We have no way to predict how much time he will put in this year; it depends on the business.”
These two guys were in an army guard house. The first says, “They gave me 30 days for being AWOL. How about you?”
Second guy: “Three days.” “For what?” “For killing a general.” “Wait a minute! You murder a general and they give you three days?” “Yep. They’re hanging me on Wednesday.”
Here’s a New Age quote for you, from Richard Wheeler’s book, “The Buffalo Commons.” “He had friends who were desperately ‘with-it,’ sampling New-Age nostrums, Zen, Native American religions, peyote, nihilism, and all the other things they had salvaged from the scrap heap of philosophy, science and history and tried to resuscitate. Not a one of them owned himself or knew how to resist whatever was new and chic. He actually knew a number of pathetic types who supposed their beards or their clothing or earrings or a crystal dangling from a necklace was the expression of their uniqueness.”
It’s impossible to read that without remembering the Athenians whom Paul encountered. Acts 17:21 says they “used to spend their time in nothing other than telling and hearing something new.” How pitiful. As the old saying goes, When people don’t stand for something, they will fall for anything.
The New Age pitch is the oldest lie of the serpent in the Garden: “You will be like God.” (Genesis 3:5)
II Kings 1:3 pertains here: “Is it because there is no God in Israel that you are inquiring of Baal-Zebub?” Our generation would insert a variety of god-substitutes: the horoscope, the occult, one’s own personal philosophy, and or the latest celebrity guru.
And finally, from Peter Farrelly’s book, “The Comedy Writer,” this, from page 220—
Henry was meeting with his psychiatrist. He wanted help in dealing with a belief in God, the brevity of life, and the fear that he’d die before he had done his life work, which was writing movie scripts.
The psychiatrist asked, “Why is that so important to you?”
Henry: “I don’t know, I guess I do it for other people.”
“Who?”
Henry: “A lot of people.”
Psychiatrist: “But who? Your parents?”
Henry: “Maybe. I guess for my girlfriend.”
Psychiatrist: “You have a girlfriend?”
Henry: “Not now. It’s over.”
“So, she’s your ex-girlfriend?”
“Right.”
“Why did you break up?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Did she end it?”
“More or less.”
“And she’s the main reason you want to finish your scripts?”
“I guess so…yeah, probably.”
Psychiatrist: “Well, it seems you have a God after all, Henry.”
Think of this as a very practical definition of God: your Main Reason for whatever you are doing in life.
I think it was Betty Grabel that said, “Old age ain’t for sissies.” I believed that until I met Bertha Fry. In 2004 I gave the vespers service at a local retirement village. They asked me to say a few words about our church. I said that Cammack UMC was founded in 1893 and has stood guard on the same corner ever since.
After the service a little lady stopped me and asked if our church was founded in 1893. “Yes it was.” I told her. “Well, that’s the year I was born.” I thought to myself, “This poor lady didn’t understand me.” Just then a lady I know who works there came up and said, “I see you met our 111 year old lady.” I was speachless. WOW! Being 111 was great but even greater was the fact that she had no eyeglasses, no hearing aids, no cane, no walker, her own teeth, and a smile you could see clear across the room.
She told me that life was so unfair. “Why’s that, Mrs. Fry?” “Well, everyone I’ve known and loved is dead. My husband, my children, my neighbors, everyone.” “Mrs. Fry, it isn’t unfair, it’s just unfinished. You’re still here because there is someone God wants you to meet and tell about Him.” With the innocense of a three year-old she asked, “Ya think so?” “I know so.”
I didn’t get the chance to go with her but near her 112th birthday she was taken to Shebyville, Indiana to meet a lady that was 113 years old. Together, they were the two oldest Americans – both in Indiana. Imagine, 225 years wrapped up in two people in the same room. (In the same room with them was the world’s tallest living woman, 7’6″ Sandy Allen.)
I have been told that Mrs. Fry told the other lady about Jesus and if she ever came to Muncie they could go to “her” vesper service together. Maybe, just maybe, that’s the lady that Bertha Fry lived 112 years to meet. Both women (as well as Sandy Allen) have gone to glory now and I just know that on that day a little over two years ago they struck up an eternal friendship. God, in His wisdom, gave us some great time in our “Senior” years.
Don’t be ashamed of your ability with words. The ancient Spartans loved pithy quips so much that they made them a part of their military training regime, of which every Spartan male took part. A “drill instructor” would single out one of the younger men with a question, to which the young man was expected to respond with a short, humorous, but profound answer. If the victim’s response was judged to be deficient, he faced punishment. As a result the Spartans became famous for their ability to toss out clever retorts. Our word “laconic” comes from “Lakadaemonian”, the ancient Greek term for citizens of Sparta.
I once met an atheist who was dyslextic…he didn’t believe there was a dog!