Earlier this week, I posted this note on Facebook: Wanna hear something funny? I certainly do. If you saw something, read something, heard something funny or unusual, pass it on. The rest of us need laughter in our lives, and if you have some to share, you are Heaven’s gift to us today.
What I anticipated is not what I received. I figured some FB friends would agree on the need for laughter. What I got was funny stories.
Here they are. All of them.
1) After an especially hard landing by an airline overseas, the captain dreaded standing at the galley door looking people in the eye and thanking them for choosing this carrier. He knew someone would have some sarcastic remark about his landing on this particularly windy day. However, no one commented until near the end when he spotted one little lady approaching him with a cane. As he thanked her, she said, “Sonny, I have one question for you. Did we land or were we shot down?” (from Gordon Donahoe)
2) A riddle from M-Fuge camep: How did they dig up gold and silver in Old Testament times? Answer: Miner Prophets. (from Keith Jones)
3) Yesterday in the car, my five-year-old Eli was explaining to me that when he was a man, all grown up, he would be getting married. He said she would be very beautiful and he’s not sure yet if they would live with me or not. I said, “Will she be nice?” He said, “I don’t know yet, mom….” I said, “Well, if she’s not nice, I might whoop her.” He didn’t even blink, but replied, “Oh yeah, I know! It’s cause you are the whooping mom!” I thought I would have to stop the car. (Donna Keith)
4) Heard a preacher recently tell this: He was in the hospital for hip replacement. He’s a large man in his mid-50s. He befriended this elderly man in his 90s across the hall. One day, when they were joking, the preacher said, “John, you’re further along than I am and I would really like to tap into your knowledge and experience…..tell me…as we get older, how is it? You know what I mean: is it boxers or briefs?” The old man looked at him a moment, then said, “Depends.” (from Janice Harvey)
5) When my parents were in seminary, they used to speak King James English around the apartment just for fun. One day a visitor heard them and said, “Do they make you talk that way at the seminary?” (from Roger Bruner)
6) Just read this from Liz Curtis Higgs: “If you’re burning the candle at both ends, you’re not as bright as you think you are.” (from Kay Taylor)
7) A friend of mine has a 5-year-old son with a cell phone. One day recently they were out shopping and he was being pretty bad. So when they got home, she sent him to his room. A few minutes later, her phone rang. “Mom,” the little voice on the other end said, “If you need me, I’m in my room.” (from Pat Graham)
8) Visiting with our son and his family this week. Nora told our 5-year-old granddaughter to take a bath. She said no, that she wanted to stay stinky. (from Bubba Woods)
9) When my son was about 4, he was reading EVERYTHING. We were in WalMart one day and he stopped to read a box. “Mom,” he said, “you mean you have to pay $14 for a bra that only lasts 18 hours?” Made my day. (from Marianne Shelton Lowry)
10) Moira and Madison were watching the Disney Robin Hood movie tonight. Madison, 6 years old, said, “They robbed from the rich to give to the poor, but the only person I would rob is the devil!” We nearly killed ourselves laughing. (from Ginger Twiggs Davis)
11) A little boy returned from our VBS and his mom asked what he had learned. He said he had learned about some men who brought gifts for Baby Jesus. “What did they bring?” she asked. He said, “Gold, common sense, and myrrh.”
Aren’t we thankful for the joy little children bring into our lives!
Feel free to copy and use any of these you can. Pass the joy along. People need to laugh; they love to laugh.
When my nephew Daniel was about 5, his mother (my sister) took him the park. She sat on a bench while he played on the playground. Before long, a little girl came up to play too. Even at such a young age, Daniel liked the ladies. Trying to impress the little girl, he swung really high on the swing and jumped out, falling down in the process. My sister jumped up to go check on him. As she approached him, he got up, dusted himself off and said to her, “I’m OK, lady.”
Fantastic. Believe I will pass them on. Thanks.
Love it! Thanks for sharing.
Here’s one Igot in church. Preacher is droning on about Satan and how the Lord would protect them. After a while he ask anyone in the concregation that had no fear of Satan to raise their hand. One lone older gentlemean raised his hand. Tell us brother how is that you have no fear of Satan. He replied, Been married to his sister for 50 years so he don’t scare me a bit.
Got my chuckles for the day!