LEADERSHIP LESSON NO. 49–“Say ‘No’ a Lot.”

This lesson is a companion to a previous on on keeping your focus. To keep your focus, you dedicate yourself to the task at hand and keep renewing that commitment.

The other aspect of staying true to the vision God has given you is to say ‘no’ a lot. You should plan on turning down requests that either conflict with that vision or detract from it. If it saps your energies from doing your primary work, say no to it.

Say ‘no’ to certain people.

“This will just take a few moments of your time.” “You’re the only one who can do this.” “The Lord led me to ask you.”

If you are strong and wise, you know how to look the speaker in the eye and say, “Thank you, but no. I won’t be able to do that. I appreciate your asking.”

If you are weak, even though you have neither the time nor the inclination, you will let the other person set your agenda for the next few days, and find yourself doing a job you have no business taking. You’ll reproach yourself a hundred times. “Why did I say yes?” The answer is: you were too weak to say no.

However, if like most of us, you are somewhere between weak and strong, you’re going to be needing a plan. My recommendation is that you learn to say, “Let me pray and about it and I’ll call you back.” You’re stalling for time, yes, but you are planning to do precisely what you said: pray. And the Lord who values your time and sets your agenda will give you the strength to say no. If He doesn’t, your wife will. Mine always does.

Warning: sometimes, the rejected person is going to be unhappy, but that’s not your problem.


I waited in the lobby of the Richmond News-Leader one morning to meet Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist Jeff MacNelly as he arrived for work. He was already the biggest cartoonist on the planet and this was before he went on to even greater acclaim. I’d seen photographs enough to recognize him and had told the security guard what I was up to. When MacNelly entered, I approached, introduced myself as a minister from Mississippi (which I was at the time) and a cartoonist. He was cordial, then he asked, “Can I help you with anything?” That was a genteel way of saying, “So, why are you here?”

I was unprepared for the question, but knew what I wanted. I said, “Is there any way I could hang out with you for a little while and see you work?” Looking back now, I recognize how presumptuous that must have seemed. He had apparently faced the problem of strangers attempting to intrude into his life before, so he lost no time saying, “Sorry. I’ve got a busy morning.” I was silent and he said, “Thanks for coming by,” and was gone.

I stood there a moment, with my ego punctured and lying flat on the floor. I felt I had been personally rejected and was embarrassed. Fortunately, no one else observed my little humiliation and MacNelly did not know me from anyone, so I managed to pull myself erect and slough off the incident and walk out the door into the sunshine.

Looking back, I admire MacNelly for doing what he did. It might have been a kindness on his part to have given me a half hour of his time, but how many half-hours would he have to give away to other people. One reason he was a successful editorial cartoonist was his commitment to carve out a block of time every day in which to think and work. This meant saying ‘no’ to distractions, of which I was one that day some 30 years ago.

Say ‘no’ to certain hobbies and amusements.

The article in the in-flight magazine told how the writer had searched for ways to occupy his time on long plane trips. When he discovered solitaire on his computer, that did it. Nothing wastes time like solitaire, he reported. He’s right.

Six months ago, I decided to move across the page in the morning paper from the daily crossword puzzle and try my hand at Sudoku, the numbers puzzle. Pretty soon, I was hooked. Monday’s puzzle is a one-star affair and can be done in 5 minutes. As the week progresses, the puzzle gets harder, until Sunday’s five star grid can easily take a solid hour to solve.

Late the other night, as I struggled with the Sunday puzzle, my wife had to remind me to drink the glass of milk in front of me which I had poured 15 minutes ago. I was deeply ingrossed in the puzzle and unaware of anything else.

Now, puzzles are good and can be great diversions and brain stimulators. But they can also waste needed time. You have to know when to say ‘no.’

Certain kinds of reading material may be stimulating but not in a healthy way. The same can be said for movies and television programs, as well as concerts and parties. Some are good, some are not. Use your discernment; learn to say ‘no.’

Say ‘no’ to some good things.

“Come here and speak.” “We need you on our program.” It’s tempting. You’ll be the honored guest. They will wine you and dine you, put your name on the sign out front and in the program and hand you a nice honorarium afterward. Then you will get on the plane and fly home and feel good about what you’ve just done. Late that night, lying in bed, you may find yourself wondering, “Why did I do that?”

As a young minister, after pastoring two churches I joined the staff of a large prominent church in our state. Suddenly, I began getting invitations to hold revivals and speak at various kind of church meetings and banquets. I was in demand! Several times a week, I sought the pastor’s advice on whether accepting this invitation was a good idea or not. One day he said, “Joe, let’s build a cathedral here instead of running around the world putting up chicken coops.” I’ve not forgotten that lesson.

The other thing the pastor said that has stayed with me all these years was, “Do you know what will happen if you turn this invitation down? They’ll come back later and invite you again.” I realized then that it had felt like each invitation was the opportunity of a lifetime and that if I turned it down, it might not ever be offered again. That was silly. The pastor was right.

It took a long time before I noticed how much “disciple” and “discipline” have in common. We think of a disciple as a learner, a follower, of Christ. And discipline speaks to us of controlling our appetites, of training our body and mind as an athlete does, of saying ‘no’ to anything not in line with our goal.

To be a disciple of Jesus Christ, I must discipline myself from anything that interferes with His goal for my life.

I heard someone pray this in a meeting and immediately wrote it down. It expresses a great need in my own life; maybe it does yours, too.

“God, give me a heart of fire toward Thee, a heart of flesh toward others, and a heart of iron toward myself.”

2 thoughts on “LEADERSHIP LESSON NO. 49–“Say ‘No’ a Lot.”

  1. Dear Joe,

    While you are “looking for a publisher” I certainly hope this doesn’t portend the cessation of your regular writings—–which have become a regular “dietary supplement” for me and my wife.

    God’s blessings on you and yours Joe McKeever, whatever the case.

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