Dear Grandson,

Before long, you’ll be getting your drivers license. That’s a day you have long anticipated and the adults in your life have long dreaded. It’s a bittersweet moment, signifying in a sense that you are coming of age and taking a giant stride into independence. Your mom and dad are hyperventilating just thinking of that.

This is a great time to be a driver in some respects. The cars are better, safer, and easier to drive than at any time in history. They’re also more expensive and the insurance you will need to carry will cost enough to buy a second car. The price of gasoline has always been a factor, but never more than now. In our neighborhood, the cost per gallon has risen ten cents in the last week. When I was your age, three of those dimes would buy you a gallon. Dark ages, right?

Actually, I got my drivers license in the summer of 1957, exactly 51 years ago. In those days–just to show you how this driving business has changed–you were required to take the test in a car with a standard shift. And you were not allowed to use the electronic turn signals; you had to stick your hand out the window and signal to other drivers your intent to turn, slow down, or stop. Of course, there were no seat belts back then, no air bags, and the tires regularly blew out. As I say, the cars are much better now.

However, beloved grandson, there are some urgent matters I feel a need to call to your attention about driving.

The highway is a dangerous place. And yes, so are the streets and avenues. Powerful cars, high speeds, and frail humans can be a deadly combination.

Now, at this point you’re thinking, “Grandpa, I’ve ridden in cars all my life. I know about these things. I’ve seen a dog run out in front of the car and Dad slam on the brakes. I’ve seen wrecked cars where someone had been drinking and ran a red light and people were hurt. I am well aware of the danger of driving.”

Does this mean you’re going to forget this foolishness about getting a drivers license? I didn’t think so.

So, let me continue, even if you want to roll your eyes and leave the room. Please stay with me just a few more minutes.

The worst problem on the highway is the people. Ninety-five percent of the motorists behind the wheels of the other cars are responsible, mature adults who have families and who drive safely. It’s the other five percent who threaten the lives of all the others.

In that deadly five percent, you will find all kinds of drivers: some who are drunk and on dope, stupid and foolhardly ones, the sick and impaired, the careless and the lazy, the distracted and the unthinking, the tired and the sleepy, and those who are well-meaning but ignorant of the law. Add to that the juvenile who has never been taught how to drive carefully, but has been handed the keys of the family automobile. Scary thought.

Each member of the five percent is an accident looking to happen.

Your job is to make certain it doesn’t happen to you.

With that in mind, I have three suggestions for you and your friends who are just beginning to drive:

1) Learn to drive defensively.

Many years ago, when your great-grandfather Waller Henderson drove his Greyhound bus into New Orleans, your grandma and I would sometimes pick him up at the station and take him to supper. Once, when his bus was late, I read a publication the company had put together on defensive driving. It was the most helpful thing on that subject I had ever read, and I’m convinced it has saved my life more than once.

Defensive driving means to anticipate what might happen and to be prepared. If you are driving across a parking lot, your mind takes into consideration that the other cars may back into your path. Therefore, you drive slowly with your foot ready to hit the brake, while you are constantly watching.

On the highway, you are always aware of where the other cars and trucks are around you. You are alert to the possibility of traffic entering the highway from side roads. If a car seems to be driven erratically, you get out of its way. As you approach an intersection, you watch for red-light runners from either side. When the light turns green, rather than speeding away, you linger a moment to watch for speeders trying to beat the light.

Your task is to arrive safely at your destination.

This means you must guard against the temptation to put the car on cruise control and shift your mind into neutral. Stay alert at all times. Driving a car on today’s roads is serious business. Expect the other driver to do the unexpected. Be prepared.

2) Learn to control your natural urges.

If someone hits you, the natural tendency is to hit them back. If they threaten you, you want to return the favor. But once you take the wheel of an automobile, you must overcome those urges. The streets and highways are no place for you to do unto others as they do unto you.

Get it in your mind that there are always going to be foolish and careless drivers out there. Hardly a day will go by without you encountering one or more. And I need to tell you that you cannot console yourself by the knowledge that these foolish drivers will not survive long, and they will kill each other off and will soon be off the highway. Even if they are killed, they’re just as likely to kill others as themselves. And besides, another generation of maniacs will rise up behind them, so we will never clear the highways of poor or careless drivers. So, get this in your head.

Two urges in particular will boil up inside you from time to time on the highway. Both must be resisted.

a. The urge to teach the other guy a lesson. Don’t do it. If he’s drunk or doped, if he’s a fool or sick or lazy, you may find yourself with more problems trying to reason with him than if you just let him go.

So, the next time some idiot cuts you off in traffic, and then 30 seconds later you find yourself sitting beside him at the next intersection, look straight ahead. Do not look in his direction, make no motions toward him, ignore him. You can do it. I know you want to go over and drag him out of the car and knock some sense into him, but don’t do it. He’s a gangster, he is carrying a Thompson machine gun, he just robbed a bank, and he will kill you.

At any rate, say that to yourself. Leave the guy alone. He’s trouble.

b. The urge to ask the other guy a question. Don’t do it.

Yesterday, as I write this, I was crossing an overpass above an interstate highway in my little Camry. Coming toward me was an 18-wheeler pulling a double trailer. As we neared each other, suddenly with no warning, he turned in front of me. I screeched to a halt and had to sit there a good 10 seconds while his long trailers cleared the highway. I was stunned by the sheer foolishness of what he had done. Had I not stopped, I would have slammed into his truck and been killed. The fact that it would have been his fault would not have mattered to those who love me–you, for example.

Now, I really would have loved to ask that truck-driver, “What were you doing? Why did you do that? That was truly dumb!” My guess is he was distracted or on the cell phone or something, and that he knew immediately afterwards he had made a serious error. But stop him and ask him? No way. Too many people have been killed as they tried such a harmless tactic.

In my files I have a story of a grandpa who had driven to the convenience store with his young grandson. On the way, a foolish driver almost ran over them. Then, both cars pulled into the store’s parking lot. Grandpa could not resist the urge to ask the other driver why he had done what he did. Now, Grandpa was soft-spoken and sweet-natured. But he had no way of knowing the other driver was an idiot of the highest degree. When Grandpa asked about his driving, the maniac opened his glove compartment, took out a gun and shot the old man. Just like that.

So, beloved grandson, I promise to control the urges inside me to teach the other drivers a lesson or even to ask them a question. And I want you to do the same.

An hour ago, I told two of my pastor friends about this letter and asked if they had a contribution, something they want to tell you about driving. They mentioned a matter that concerns them about teenage driving, and will comprise my third suggestion.

3) When other teenagers are in the car with you, the risk factor goes up sharply.

a. If you are the driver…

Here’s what happens. Your car is loaded down with your friends from school and you’re driving. It’s a heady feeling. “Wow,” you think, “they’re putting their lives in my hands. This is really great!” The adrenalin rushes to your brain and you have trouble thinking clearly. Driving the car responsibly–and by that I mean doing all those things you learned to do to drive safely–has never been so hard as it is at this moment.

Then, the people in your car start having fun. They laugh and tease one another and tell stories about this person or that. Your attention is diverted from what’s happening on the street to the inside of your automobile where your buddies are having a big time. From this moment on, you are an accident looking for a place to happen.

A few blocks from my house is a roadside shrine where three teenage girls were killed while riding in a car with their cousin. He was 15, visiting from Texas, and in possession of a probationary drivers license. As the oldest kid in the family and wanting to impress his young cousins, he borrowed a family car and took them for a drive. On the way back, no more than three blocks from home, he turned in front of a truck and the car was broadsided. His macho drive to impress the other teens ended up killing them and ruining his life forever.

If you are the driver with other teens are in your car, consider this the biggest test of your entire life. You must pay attention to your driving. If they misbehave or their antics become a distraction, find a safe place to pull over. Stop the car and tell them they have to behave or you’ll ask them to get out and walk. And mean it. You might save their life–or yours.

b. If you are in a car with a teenage driver….

The reason most teenagers get killed in cars is that they do not have the courage to stand up against an unsafe driver. So, their friend is speeding–the adrenalin is pumping into his brain and clouding his judgement–and he’s showing off. In truth, they’re frightened out of their wits, but they laugh nervously and try to act brave. Bad, bad choice. Better they asked him to stop and let them get out.

And that presents a little problem. How do you get the driver to stop? If he’s making bad choices in other ways, and if his macho is in overdrive, he will probably refuse to stop the car and let you out.

Here is a foolproof way to stop his car.

Tell him you have an upset stomach and are about to throw up. Then, start doing it. He’ll stop on a dime and let you out.

Whatever you do–no matter how he protests and what he promises–do not get back in his car. Call your father or mother or another friend to come get you. Or walk home.

A generation ago, dads insisted their teenage daughters carry a quarter with them for a pay phone in case they had to leave a car and call home for a ride. These days, teenagers will probably be carrying their own cell phones, so calling home should not be a problem.

The problem is getting the courage to leave your friend’s car when he’s driving unsafely.

Many a teenager wishes they had done just that. Even more, thousands of grieving parents would give anything if their child had done so.

My pastor friends know a lot more about electronic games than I, so they suggest that your parents buy you a computer program that simulates highway driving to let you practice. It won’t take the place of drivers ed at school, and we heartily recommend that.

Our final suggestion is so low-tech, it could just as easily have been spoken when I was your age: “Memorize the drivers manual.”

Know the rules.

While there is no guarantee you’ll never be in a wreck, you’re a lot more certain to arrive at your destination when you follow the rules of safe driving.

As you know, I love you with all my heart, and I want to keep you around for a long time. You’re the kind of special fellow this world needs more of.