Pastor John came by my office a few minutes ago to visit. Since I’ve been retired for over two years as the local SBC “Director of Missions” (for non-Baptists, that’s our title for the leader/servant of pastors/churches in a given area called an “association”), this was John’s first visit, and a complete surprise.
He handed me an envelope, saying, “It’s just a little ‘thank-you’ note.” I said, “For what?” He said, “Read it later.”
What he had written caught me completely by surprise.
Thank you for your leadership during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. (That was late 2005, over 6 years ago.) Thank you for your awareness of the association’s need for new vision. The idea for a new associational vision was birthed in your heart, and you took action by laying the foundation for years to come. For that, I say ‘thank you.’
I share this with you because it hits precisely the theme I’ve been working on in my mind all day: One of the primary interpersonal relationship skills for pastors is gratitude. The very quality Pastor John exhibited this very day.
Would you like to hear of the times I have helped pastors–speaking in their churches, doing art projects for them, counseling them through tough situations–and never received so much as a ‘thank you’ from them?
Well, you’re not.
I do not have such a list.
A roll of those owing us thanks is one nobody should keep. It’s a sure recipe for resentment and frustration. Better to do a favor, then go on to the next assignment than stick around and wait for gratitude.
We would do better to keep a list of people to whom we are indebted.
Today, as I scanned over my e-mail in-box, I saw names of pastors and associate pastors who have had me in their churches over the past few months. With this subject on my heart, I began wondering whether I had adequately thanked them for the privilege of serving in their churches, for their hospitality, and for the opportunity to know their people.
So, I sent quite a number of emails. Thank-you notes. Similar to Pastor John’s note to me.
Now, John’s note was store-bought and hand-written and personally delivered–how rare is that!–whereas the ones I sent today were e-mailed. We could make an issue of that.
But let’s not. This is about gratitude.
Here is what a grateful pastor does.
A grateful pastor is lavish in giving appreciation to others.
The Lord Jesus told us that our attitude toward ourselves should be, “I am only an unworthy servant; I’ve only done my duty” (Luke 17:10).
While that attitude will head off a multitude of problems of ego and entitlement within our minds and hearts, we are not to turn that on those around us. We must never ever think of them as “unworthy servants.” Rather, we are to honor them, to bless them, to appreciate and encourage them. (See Romans 13:7)
By the same token, an ungrateful pastor thanks no one for anything, but is constantly looking for and needing and expecting praise and appreciation. He is a bottomless well, an abyss, never retaining what has been giving but always needing more.
A grateful pastor never forgets how much he has received from the Lord and God’s people.
Paul advised the Corinthian believers, That you may learn in us not to think beyond what is written, that none of you may be puffed up on behalf of one against the other. For who makes you differ from another? And what do you have that you did not receive? Now if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it? (I Corinthians 4:6-7)
Remember the woman who anointed Jesus’ feet with the costly ointment? He said she did that because she had been forgiven so much. (Luke 7) The word ‘gratitude’ is not in the story, but but the reality of it saturates every sentence. The woman’s outpouring of sweet worship is all about her thankfulness to Jesus for His mercies upon her.
In the same way, an ungrateful pastor forgets the blessings of God and the gifts of others and constantly has his hand out for more.
A grateful pastor accepts others.
He is able to love people for who they are, and does not demand they conform to his rules or standards in order to gain his acceptance.
Somewhere I read that when Billy and Ruth Graham were scouting out the hills and woods above Montreat, North Carolina, where they would build their home, they came upon an old moonshine jug, half buried in the leaves and soil. The narrator wondered what Ruth Graham, a godly woman by anyone’s standards, would say about it. “Well,” she remarked, “I suppose they felt they needed that to get through the harsh mountain winters.”
Pure grace. No condemnation.
With some 4,000 Facebook friends, I am constantly surprised at the harsh comments posted by some of my brothers and sisters in Christ toward the fallen, the searching, the hurting, and the needy. Their anger toward unwed mothers, welfare recipients, women of the streets, abortion recipients, and the chronically homeless seems to deny the love which the Lord commanded as the essence of those who would follow Him.
The ungrateful pastor condemns people.
The grateful pastor is a pleasure to work with and work for.
A friend who used to work for a pastor I went to school with told me what it was like serving on that staff. “I came to work every Monday expecting to be fired.” That pastor was demanding, constantly putting high expectations on others, and could be harsh to colleagues who did not live up to his requirements.
No wonder he had trouble keeping a staff. No one willingly takes employment with such a boss.
A grateful pastor will exhibit a pleasant demeanor, show appreciation to others, and build loyalty in his co-workers. He will stand up for them when they need defending, speak out for their ministry when it is questioned, and deal with those who are undermining the work of his staff.
An ungrateful pastor has loyalty to one person only: himself.
A grateful pastor is never a loner, but has many friends.
This is a biggie with me.
I see pastors who pride themselves on needing no one, on being loners. Pity the denominational worker–the DOM, in my case–who tries to get such ministers to periodic gatherings with other preachers. The answer you get is a variation of “I just don’t have time” or “It’s a waste of time.”
You’ve watched enough nature shows to have noticed when a lion is stalking its prey, it leaves the herd alone, but seeks out a loner, one that has wandered off by itself. Either it’s too young, too old, too sickly, or too headstrong to keep up with the others.
The Lord Jesus never sent a disciple off by himself, but always with one or more friends as co-workers.
A grateful pastor seeks out other ministers to fellowship, to encourage, to serve alongside.
The ungrateful pastor puts himself at great risk and stunts his ministry by going it alone.
One of the most surefire signs of the presence of the Holy Spirit at work in the life of disciples of Jesus is a spirit of gratitude. Its absence, likewise, reflects poorly on the individual and indicates the saving grace of Jesus is far from this individual.