What I Owe to This Lady

My mother went to Heaven yesterday.

Lois Jane Kilgore started life on this earth just on the next ridge from where she ended it. She came and went in the very same bed (when Granny Kilgore died in 1963, mom got the ancient high-poster bed, dresser, etc). This was Route 3, Nauvoo, Alabama. (There are no more “routes,” due to the 911 emergency system needing every street and road to have a name.)

Mom was born July 14, 1916. She died June 2, 2012. Almost 96 years. Of her siblings, she was the last to go.

For most of her life, Mom mistakenly celebrated July 21 as her birthday. I’m not sure why, but no doubt it had to do with their being very rural, her being the sixth child in a family of nine children, and the way doctors kept records back then (meaning: haphazardly).

When she received a copy of her birthday certificate from Montgomery and discovered her birthday to be July 14, my dad feigned shock. “That’s grounds for divorce,” Pop teased. “She was an older woman than I knew.” Her being only 17 and he 21 when they wed–March 3, 1934–she could actually have used a little aging before taking on all she did.

She was the farmer’s daughter. She married a coal miner. Theirs was a hard life together for many years, due to a number of factors: he was no church-goer, he was a hard-worker but also undisciplined in his personal habits, and poverty was a constant companion. But Mom made the most of the life she had chosen.

She was a champion.


They had 7 children, all in a 9-year span. That’s hard on the mother. The photos of her in her late 20’s, after birthing all these offspring, show her looking thin and weak.

Mom was raised right. Her parents, John Wesley “Virge” and Sarah Noles Kilgore, were faithful Christian people who made the trek to church each Sunday in the mule-drawn wagon. Or they walked.

Mom used to say how much they all enjoyed the three-mile walk. A large cluster of teenage siblings walking the road to church in the later 1920’s, early 1930’s, would tend to draw other teenagers. They laughed and talked, they sang, and they enjoyed life.

She was a singer. As a teenager, she knew hundreds of songs “by heart.” One Saturday night in 1930, a group of the youth were having their own “singing” at church–New Oak Grove Free Will Baptist Church, also familiarly known as Possum Trot, for some reason. As Lois and one of her sisters–Ruby, I think–were in front doing a duet, Carl and Gip McKeever, ages 18 and 16, walked in and took a seat.

No church-goers, these guys, they were looking for girls when someone had sent them here. As they settled in, Carl told Gip (his actual name was Marion), “I’ll take the one on the left.” He did. They were working on their 74th year of marriage in November of 2007 when Pop went to Heaven.

I often think that in my half-century of gospel minisry (my ordination was December of 1962), the people whom I have touched are indirectly the result of Lois McKeever’s faithfulness as a mother. She took us to church from the first and kept us in church. And she started me drawing.

I was five years old, we lived in a mining community outside Nauvoo, Alabama, called “Number Two” because that was the number of the particular mine nearby, and I was in her way. The older siblings–Ronnie, Glenn, and Patricia–were in school. Carolyn was three and baby Charlie was one. Mom did have her hands full. But she was always working–cleaning, cooking, laundering, etc. And I was in her way.

She produced a tablet and pencils and sat Carolyn and me down at the kitchen table and said,”Draw!”

That’s how I discovered that I love to draw.

I never quit. The next year, first-graders at Nauvoo Elementary would gather around and watch my efforts. (To this day, I can out-draw any first-graders you will ever meet.)

Mom got her children ready for church on Saturday nights. From Number Two to the churchhouse was a walk of two miles by the road. But we walked through woods and fields, cutting the distance in half. One of the fields we crossed later became the church cemetery. Her body will be laid there beside Pop on Tuesday of next week.

When we moved to the coal fields of West Virginia in 1947–I was 7 years old–there was one church, the tiny Methodist Church at the foot of the mountain by the railroad tracks. That first Sunday morning, even though she did not know a soul in the church, Lois McKeever had her brood in church. She told me later, we were the only children there that day.

By the time we left West Virginia (this was near Beckley) four years later, that little church was swarming with children. I remember it as being so lively and fun, with the loving Brother Kennedy and his wife as our shepherd. I loved them dearly.

Mom told me that it was her children who got the other children into church.

My brother Ron has been preaching and pastoring almost fifty years also, in the Birmingham ara. With two sons out of four logging a century of ministry for the Lord Jesus, I hope Mom felt amply rewarded for all those difficult years in which she taught us to live for the Lord.

Where was Pop during this time? Working hard–sometimes double shifts (think of it, 16 hours a day inside a coal mine!), and resting on weekends, if he was not out drinking with his buddies. When he drank, Pop was bad news. He carried scars from drunken fights to his grave.

I’m happy to report that Dad gave up drinking after many years. I wish I could report he became a faithful church-goer, but that was a failing of his. I never understood it, how he could sit by the radio and listen to hour after hour of preaching. He read his Bible and often sent money to our church. He just rarely attended. (As with every other family on the planet, some things we just have to leave with the Lord.)

Dad always took care of his family, always worked at teaching and leading us in many ways. When the coal fields of West Virginia shut down, we moved to the Nauvoo farm with our Granny Kilgore (Grandpa had died 2 years earlier), and Pop became a farmer for a while. And he taught us to farm. I went from being a lazy 11-year-old with no chores at home to a farmboy tending to calves and in time, plowing a mule.

The best memories of those years, my siblings would probably tell you, were the endless days working in the fields alongside each other. Pop would outwork everyone, but he loved to talk and reminisce.We laughed and teased and made the work fun. After lunch on the hottest days of summer, Pop would not send us back into the fields but would let us go swimming in the “strip pits,” those leftover holes in the ground from strip-mining operations which were filled with water from underground streams.

Mom never went swimming, and rarely went anywhere. She was the consummate homebody. She was happiest at home, taking care of her family.

Mom loved to cook. Ask anyone who knew her about her fried apple pies.

She loved to sing, and had the sweetest alto voice.

She loved to laugh, and is the only member of our clan who ever made money selling jokes to newspapers. She didn’t make up any–I would do that in time–but still, she would send them in to The Grit, that national weekly which made life so much interesting for rural folks in those years, and they would repay her with a dollar or two.

Once, in 1951, mom was paid by The Grit for this oddity: “This August, Glenn will be 15 on the 15th, and Ronnie will be 16 on the 16th.” She used to say that’s the only money she ever made off any of us.

In her well-marked Bible, Mom wrote of the day in 2006 when Charlie, her baby, went to Heaven, “The worst day of my life.” I noticed another place where she noted that the November 3, 2007, day when Pop joined Charlie with Jeus, as “the second worst day of my life.”

After Pop left us, Mom missed him every day. Sometimes, out of the blue, apropos to nothing, she would simply say, “I miss Pop.” We would hug her and say through teary-eyes, “We all miss him, Mom.”

Over the years, as her birthday would approach, I would invite friends far and wide to send birthday greetings to Mom. She lived for the running of the mail every day, and I knew she would love getting hundreds of cards, which she did. So many who wrote were longtime friends of ours from churches I had pastored. They would tell Mom, “I know you are proud of your son.” She would read that and say, “Why do they say that? I have four sons. And two daughters. And I’m proud of all of them.”

She loved us all equally. And that was with everything inside her.

To the last,as long as she was able, Mom was in church. As long as she was able to enjoy it, I phoned her every day. Often on Sunday mornings, she would tell me, “I just don’t feel like going to church today.” But she would. The church people would come up and hug her and tell her how beautiful she was, and she ate it up. She wouldn’t have missed that for anything.

When we were children in West Virginia, I recall a schoolteacher saying to someone, “Do you mean to tell me that that beautiful young woman is the mother of all this brood of kids?” Yep. That’s what we mean to tell you.

She was a winner, this Lois McKeever.

Carl did know how to pick them.

“Beauty is deceitful and popularity is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.” Proverbs 31:30-31.

And now, she’s with the Lord, with her mama and papa and siblings she has not seen in so many years. And with Pop.

One of her favorite gospel songs was “What a Glad Reunion.” You may know it.

That’s what they’re having in Heaven right now. I’m sorry to be missing it.

Save me a place, Mom and Pop. I’m coming.

40 thoughts on “What I Owe to This Lady

  1. I know it hurts. I praise God for His provision of such a godly heritage. My love and prayers are with you. Tom Murphy

  2. Such a beautiful tribute to a beautiful Mom. As 1 of 7 myself, I see so many parallels in our raising. Truly you had a Godly Mother.

  3. What a lovely tribute to your precious mom. I had tears in my eyes by the time I got to the end. You are a blessed man Brother Joe.. What a momma:) praying for your family .

  4. One of the saddest things about losing Mom is that when Pop died, we didn’t have time to grieve. We turned our attention to taking care of her and now that she is gone, all the sorrow comes welling up. Having parents who lived such long lives is a two-edged sword…more time to love them and so harder to adjust to the fact that they are gone. Thanks a million to those of you who read Joe’s blogs and loves us……

  5. Joe you are soooo cool. I love what you say, how you say it, and most of all, I love who you are.

    It’s easier to see where you get it, by seeing a glimpse of her in your words here.

    By the way, have you been exposed to Homer Hickam, the author of October Sky – (The movie was named Rocket Boys – an anagram). With the West VA and coal mining background you would like his books, especially the memoir. Homer lives near Huntsville now.

    Thank you for your influence in my life.

    Paul

  6. My condolences & thankfulness to you for your godly, loving Mother’s graduation to glory. My mother was almost 99 when she graduated, but for several years she was unable to know much of anything but could sing hymns & quote Scriptures, I too was blest as you & your family are now. My love goes out to you all!

  7. Joe, I am praying for you and your family. It doesn’t matter how long a life our mothers were able to have, we still miss them. We still grieve when we lose someone so dear to us. I appreciate very much your thoughtfulness and care for your mother through the years. It is very obvious that the two of you had a very special relationship. You can be sure that the day will come that God will give you rewards for the way you gave honor to your parents.

  8. Wonderful tribute to your Mother.Tears in my eyes as I read it. Missing my wonderful precious Mother,Gladys Lovell.

  9. Joe, my memories of Aunt Lois always make me smile. She was always so sweet, smiling and wanted to feed you. The last time I saw her, other than the funeral for Uncle Carl, was when I brought mother up to see him (her brother). I told mother on the way home “you know Aunt Lois never changes, she is always the same no matter what”. She was a precious lady and was blessed to have her children love and take care of her the way you all have. I will not be able to come up there, but Jack is going to bring mother. My prayers and love are sent to you all. Melvinia (Vena)

  10. Bro. Joe, I loved reading this. Your mom sounds like she was an absolute joy. I’m so glad she gave you a drawing pad too. I’m glad she will join her husband again. God Bless y’all and I know your mom is at peace.

  11. Bro. Joe,

    You blessed us, as you always do, in your tribute to your sweet mother. Reminding us how blessed we are to have had a Christian mother, too. As the others who wrote, I was in tears way before the end of this. We love you.

  12. Praying for you and your family.

    Your Mom sounds like an Amazing woman. Sometimes when I am feeling discouraged as a Mom, I think about ladies like your mom and my grandmother (92 year old mother of 11). They seem so full of life and joy yet they faced much more than I ever have. It’s just proof positive that Jesus can make life about what’s in you and you overflow His Glory on everything around you.

  13. Dr. McKeever – My prayers are joined with countless others for the Holy Spirit to comfort you during this very difficult time and in the days ahead. It surely sounds as if your mother embodied Proverbs 31:10-31 and that she provided you with a rich heritage of godliness. May you find His grace to be sufficient and His strength to be yours each new day, my friend.

  14. My sincere condolences to you and your family, Brother Joe. We have shared stories of how wonderful our Mothers were – maybe they will meet in heaven and help watch over us. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time of loss.

  15. It is such an encouragement to those of us who are still raising our sons & daughters to read the tribute of an adult son to his godly mother. I pray that I will raise my children in such a way that they will be able to speak similar words of me. I pray God’s richest blessings as you and your family as you travel this small, but painful, bit of the eternity God has planned for you.

  16. I am praying for you and your family. Thanks for sharing about your mother. May God continue to bless you and bless others through you.

  17. Our sincere sympathy on the loss of your Mom. My Mom went to heaven also, this past Thursday, at age 89.

    Yes, what a glad reunion that will be!

  18. Joe, What a mother to be proud of! Just think, What a Day that will be …when we all see Jesus! What a PARTY!!!

    God bless you and your family. I am praying for you.

  19. Dear Joe – those Kilgore women were so much alike! Once when my mother (Aunt Lois’ sister)came to visit us in Virginia I took her to the library where I worked. As we were going in the back door, the business librarian was coming out. I introduced him to Mother and he said to her, “You have a very special daughter.” Without blinking an eye, she said, “I have four of them.”

    You and your siblings have always had a special place in my heart and you are there now. I am thankful to God that I was able to visit with Aunt Lois for a little while a few days ago at our reunion. I’m not positive that she knew me, but I am not positive that she did not. When I told her my name, she repeated it and we talked a little bit about the gospel music that was playing in her room. I loved her very much.

  20. Joe,

    Having been raised in rural Alabama on a farm, I can so easily identify with so many of your stories. And it’s refreshing to have those remembrances.

    I’ve just read your “almost daily” blog – “What I Owe to This Lady,” about your Mother’s homegoing! Your mother seems like someone I knew and rejoiced in all of my life – yet we never met. What a rich and blessed legacy you have been left by your parents – and will continue to reap benefits and rewards from until the day you die.

    I’ve got you and your family members in my thoughts and prayers. While you will always miss her, just remember – the Lord has got you in the palm of His hand. You’re secure! Tomorrow won’t be nearly as bad as so many of this world think. Sadly, they don’t have what we’ve got!

    Can’t you just see your Mom singing and dancing and making those apple pies for Pop?

    I love you, brother!

  21. Bro. Joe,

    Thank you for sharing such beautiful memories of your mother! A Godly mother is a treasure, and you were blessed with one who was truly special.

    May you know God’s comfort during this time of separation.

  22. Joe — All of us here at Canaan BC in Columbus are remembering you and your family. Your Mom has been on the prayer list since you were with us for Revival last month! What a moving tribute you’ve written. I’ll certainly be sharing that with our FB friends, as well! Our Mom’s are probably both singing in the Alto section of Heaven’s Choir! Something about those Alabama Gals and their Alto voices!! Something very special! Love in Christ…

  23. Joe, I’ve tears in my eyes as I write. Your mom was a “woman to be treasured far above rubies.” How I thank God for her influence in your life– for yours has certainly influenced mine. May your tears always be a mixture of joy and anticipation.

    Love, Your Brother,

    Bobby

  24. DR. JOE: MIKE FREER HERE. STILL GET YOUR COLUMN EVERY WEEK. ENJOY THE READING –AND THE TEACHING IT GIVES ME. I LOST MY DAD APRIL 4, HE TOO CELEBRATED HIS BIRTHDAY ON JULY 21ST. IN NEW ORLEANS WITH OUR OK CITY CLUB JUNE 11-13TH, AND AGAIN JULY 4-8TH. WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU

  25. DR. JOE: MIKE FREER HERE. STILL GET YOUR COLUMN EVERY WEEK. ENJOY THE READING –AND THE TEACHING IT GIVES ME. I LOST MY DAD APRIL 4, HE TOO CELEBRATED HIS BIRTHDAY ON JULY 21ST. IN NEW ORLEANS WITH OUR OK CITY CLUB JUNE 11-13TH, AND AGAIN JULY 4-8TH. WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU

  26. Joe, thanks for sharing your mom’s story with us. I am certain that she is pleased with this as she is pleased so many other things that you have done. Influenced by a short book by John Claypool, I have decided that grief is the the sense that there just wasn’t enough time. Even when I have had lots of time with someone that I love, after they have left from sight forever, I still long for just a little more, especially when I think of so many things that I would have liked to have told them or shown them. So I just go ahead and tell them and show them even though I can’t see them except in my imagination. Often, I have the sense that they have heard and seen. Blessings.

  27. Joe: Thanks for getting the blog sent to me. Sure sorry about your mom’s passing. Anna and I both have been there as our parents are all in heaven.

    Yes, those were some hard days and years. But they were enjoyed very much. Somewhere along the road we have lost sight of what is really important.

    We will be remembering you on Tue. as you go through the services.

    “Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning”. (Psa. 30:5)

    Don Cole

  28. Your (temporary) loss, Heavens gain. 15 years ago my mother left me an orphan at age 49. It was with great comfort I could say “See you later!”

    Jerry

  29. Thank you for sharing some beautiful memories of your Mother with us. Both of our Mothers are in heaven also . They leave a big hole in our hearts that only a Mother can fill. God bless you and thank you for your ministry.

    Much love, Jim and Martha

  30. What a joy and privilege to visit your beloved mother on New Year’s Day, 4 years ago, I think. I knew she was a great lady and I will never forget her. She gave me a warm welcome and offered me some pie or cake that she had just baked. What a blessing she was to me for those few minutes. We ended our visit with prayer. She is certainly the kind of person I want to know in eternity.

  31. Dr. Joe,

    To this long list of friends, I add my condolences to and prayers for you and your family. Moms are special. My Mom pointed me to Jesus and impacted my life greatly though she went home to be with the Lord when I was 12.

    May the Holy Comforter embrace you and yours in His tender love and care.

  32. Dr. Joe,

    To this long list of friends, I add my condolences to and prayers for you and your family. Moms are special. My Mom pointed me to Jesus and impacted my life greatly though she went home to be with the Lord when I was 12.

    May the Holy Comforter embrace you and yours in His tender love and care.

  33. You wrote a beautiful tribute to your mother. From what you have written,she was such a lovely person and held a special place in your heart. You know she had a deep faith and is now at home with our Lord. Please accept my sincere sympathy.

  34. Joe,

    I just read this in time to lift up your family today as you say “we’ll see you in a little while” to your precious mom. What a wonderful family legacy to pass on to your own grandchildren! Blessings, love & prayers to all the McKeever clan.

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