What the lonely pastor should do

“My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death.  Stay here and watch with me” (Matthew 26:38). 

When you are hurting, you need a friend.

Even our Lord did.

At a denominational meeting, a man approached and introduced himself. It turns out he reads this blog and is acquainted with my cartoons. And he said something that lingers with me to this day.

“Sometimes I think about calling you.  It gets so lonely where I’m working and I just need someone to talk to.”

As I recall, he is not a pastor of a congregation but works with pastors and other ministers.  Therefore, he has no regular constituency.  And often, that means no one is looking after him.  He is bearing this burden alone.

I tore off a piece of paper and wrote my phone number.  “Call me,” I told him.  “Please!”

That is one courageous man.

It takes courage to admit to a stranger that he gets lonely and needs someone to talk with.  I cannot say how much I admire him.

There is an affliction among ministers that wears loneliness like it was a medal of honor or something.  “Lord, you know I’m lonely, but it’s a small price to pay for what You have done for me.”

He’s lonely and refuses to see it for what it is–an impetus to reach out to a friend.

I call this lone-ranger-syndrome an affliction because that’s what it is.  The Lord never intended any of us to be loners or to serve Him in isolatoin.  He sent out the disciples two by two, He added us to a congregation of believers when He saved us, and said the very badge of a believer is our love for one another (John 13:34-35).

To the lonely minister who brags about his loneliness, I say, “Cut it  out. God is not impressed.  You are doing it all wrong.”

You need friends.

God has provided friends and colleagues in the ministry for you.

The next time you’re looking for something to do, check out all the “one anothers” in the New Testament.  The Lord who intended us to be part of a team, a family, His body, gave at least 30 different instructions on our duties to one another.

God intends you to befriend others in the ministry.

They’re not all in your denomination, either.  Some of the best friends you will ever have belong to a denomination that you may have been attacking or are suspicious of, may never have heard of or have heard negative things about.  See what the Father has for you.

Ask Him.  These are the Father’s children also.  True, they’re not perfect but neither are you.  Your new friend’s doctrine may be flawed but I’d be willing to bet a two-dollar bill that at the Judgement Seat we will find that all our denominations have missed some things along the way. So ease up, servant of God, and….

Give the Lord a chance to do something good for you.

One final note….

If the pastor is lonely, it’s a lead pipe cinch that his wife is also.  So, here is a suggestion or two…

–Call up the pastor of that church down the highway and see if you can buy him a cup of coffee.  No agenda, just to meet.

–Then, do it with some of the other churches in the area.  Do it with the Catholic priest, the Episcopal priest, the United Methodist minister, and the Pentecostal and/or Holiness preachers.  One at a time.

I sat across lunch with a new minister friend and said, “Okay, I have three questions and I’ll give you three questions,” as I laughed out loud.  We had a great visit.

–Once you find a minister you can connect with, ask if there is some interest in getting together with your spouses.  (Okay, priests don’t have spouses, I know.)  Even if you have to talk your wife into going to that restaurant the first time, stay with it.  It’ll be good for her to get out of her cocoon–if indeed she is in one–and meet some other wives.

–So, I suggest the first gathering with the wives be at a restaurant, a family-friendly type that is not expensive.  Have an understanding that each couple will pay for their own meals, so there will be no strained conversations over whose turn it is to pay.

See what the Lord will do with this.


6 thoughts on “What the lonely pastor should do

  1. Bro. Joe, this article speaks deeply with me. I’m a 23 year old pastor and even loneliness runs through me and my wife in ministry. My professor at Blue Mountains College warned our class that the lonliest places in the world can be in ministry. I snarled at his remarks because I thought he was so foolish for even thinking that because ministry can’t be lonely! It’s full of people and nonstop interaction! Sometimes, we have to learn these things by experience.

  2. You might check out older, retired pastors. They have experience and wisdom that comes from that experience. Ask out for a cup of coffee. One of my best coffee partners wS a 92 year old retired pastor. He was so old he was cool.

  3. Pingback: Pastor, Don't Stay Lonely - OutreachMagazine.com

  4. Pingback: The Top 10 Leadership Posts I Read The Week Of April 1st | Brian Dodd on Leadership

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