Compromise: Only the strong can do it

“I implore Euodia and I implore Eyntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord” (Philippians 4:2).   You ladies, get together!

“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering, bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do” (Colossians 3:12-13). 

Christians, we of all people should know how to love the unlovely and to be gentle and fair with those with whom we disagree.

The First Baptist Church of Kenner, Louisiana is bordered on one side by Williams Boulevard and on the other by Clay Street.  In between, intersecting the church property is the wonderfully named Compromise Street.  I have no idea why the city fathers gave it that name, but I love it.  I served that church from 1990 to 2004 and enjoyed calling the attention of the congregation to this asphalted reminder of how intelligent people are supposed to work together.

God’s people are expected to be of one mind, to live in harmony.  As we represent Christ in the world and do His work, by the very nature of who we are and what we are charged to do, we will often be required to compromise.

Don’t miss that…

God’s people will often have to compromise. 

Do a little word study and you get two different meanings to the word.  Most places say simply that it’s “com” plus “promise,” and thus “pledging together.”  But we can break it down a little further.  Com does mean together.  Pro means forward, or in behalf of.  And the Miss means to send.  A promise literally is “a word sent forth of a deed which is to follow.”  Historically, when nations could not agree, they would send a few men forward to act on their behalf.  They would work together.  Hence, a compromise.

“Can two walk together,” asked the prophet, “unless they agree?” (Amos 3:3).

For years I have treasured an exchange in Marilyn vos Savant’s column in Parade magazine on this subject.  It’s from August 2, 1998.  (She is reputed to have the highest IQ ever recorded, and has done a column in this magazine for decades.)

Stan of Fort Worth, TX:  I do not believe in hierarchy–that the authority is always right.  I always question authority, communicate honestly and bluntly, and refuse to compromise when I believe I am right.  However, I have doubts that I will ever succeed as I want to succeed.  What is the probability that I will succeed?

Marilyn vos Savant:  Zero.  Because you refuse to compromise when you believe you are right.  When do you compromise?  When you believe you’re wrong or not sure? That’s not compromising at all. There are plenty of times when both sides are right, and those are the times to compromise.

That is profound and deserves a few moments of reflection.

When do you compromise?

If we compromise only when we believe we are in the wrong, that’s not compromise, but simply yielding to the superior position.  Compromise involves giving in when I think my side is right.

“There are plenty of times when both sides are right.”  Shall we buy this house or that one?  Take this job or that one?  Have one child or two?  Wear this shirt or that one?  Eat at the restaurant or dine at home?

Some issues are not right or wrong but a matter of opinion.  Those are the times when the strong will show how it’s done.

The strong person can submit. The stronger can give in and go along with another for the greater good.

The weak wants what he wants.  The weaker will always insist on getting his way.

To many, compromise is a dirty word. And that’s most unfair and unfortunate. We all compromise every day of our lives, and we should.

Two drivers want the same lane.  One compromises and yields to the other.  If he doesn’t, if both drivers insist on claiming the space, nothing good comes from it.  Once a motorist has learned the pain and trouble and cost of a traffic accident, he/she learns to compromise.

Husbands and wives compromise all the time.  What movie shall we see? What shall we have for dinner tonight? Do we buy a  Camry or an Accord? Shall we allow Junior to attend that event?  The couple who cannot compromise–i.e., get together on making a decision when they disagree–is headed for big trouble.

The best definition of compromise I know is the ability to submit to another even when you believe you are correct, for the greater good. 

Submission is a big deal in Holy Scripture.  Ephesians 5:21 commands us to “submit to one another in the fear of God.”

Here are a few observations on the subject….

–We do not compromise on the essentials of the faith.  Scripture is inspired of God, Jesus Christ is the Second Person of the Trinity, salvation is by grace through faith, and so forth. We recall Martin Luther’s famous “Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God. Amen.”

Some issues are life or death.  No compromise.

–We compromise on lesser matters, situations where the best solution is a matter of personal choice or individual opinion.  Which color carpet is best?  Should we vacation in the mountains or on the beach?  Which college should the daughter attend?

–The very idea of submitting to another strikes some people as weakness.  But they’re wrong. We submit every day of our lives.  Today, as I write, I sat in the dentist’s chair and submitted myself to the ministrations of Mallory who took x-rays and then cleaned my teeth, followed by the dentist who checked her work and informed me of what’s ahead.  It was uncomfortable, it cost money, and I did not enjoy it.  But I would do it again.  That’s not weakness; that’s strength.  (I actually know people who avoid dentists out of fear.  That is weakness.)

–Only the strongest can submit.  The weak will insist on getting his own way.

Two motorists met in the middle of a one-lane bridge.  The first leans out his window and yells, “I never back up for fools!”  The second throws his car into reverse and calls out, “I always do.”

Which driver was the stronger?  Answer: The one who gave in.  But the one who got his way will drive away thinking he won the day.  He didn’t.  He is the weak link today.

–We submit for the greater good.  When a church is making a decision and having a tough time of it, two things can happen. Either they can learn the power of submitting to one another or they can destroy the fellowship by insisting on their own way.  We have all seen both scenarios.

–Somewhere–I’ve not found exactly where–Martin Luther is said to have spoken about the left handed power of God.  Now, right-handed power would be the power of the fist, do this or else, the threat of punishment.  Left-handed power is the power of love and humility, of submission and service.  The Lord Jesus exhibited this power when He gave Himself for our sins.  It looks like weakness, to be sure, but it’s the very epitome of strength and self-control.

Simon Peter pulled out a sword and took off the ear of a soldier arresting Jesus.  Our Lord rebuked him and said, “Didn’t you know that if I asked the Father, He would give me twelve legions of angels?” (Matthew 26:53)  The gospel song says, “He could have called ten thousand angels, but He died alone, for you and me.”

When our Lord was nailed to the cross, His executioners taunted Him and the crowd jeered at Him. “He saved others, but He can’t saved Himself!” They cursed Him, spat at Him, laughed at His weakness.  “He saved others but can’t save Himself!”

On the cross, Jesus seemed the very embodiment of weakness.  And yet, as we know, He was never stronger than when He hung on the cross, bearing the sins of humanity.  ...when He was reviled, did not revile in return;  when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously… (I Peter 2:23).

Jesus Christ is our example, our Role Model.  The carnal mind cannot accept this because “it is hostile to God” (Romans 8:7).

–The carnal mind is not interested in being of the same mind, but in winning.

–The carnal mind does not care for the greater good–the health of the Church, the winning of souls, the glory of God–but only for getting its own way.

–The carnal must never be put in leadership positions in a church. Elect the immature and uncontrolled and the Lord’s work will pay a great price.  Many a church and too many pastors have learned this the hard way.

When looking for someone mature to put in charge…

Perhaps you are electing deacons or committee members, appointing Sunday School teachers or choosing mentors.  You will be wanting only the mature in such critical positions.  How to tell is your challenge.  Discernment is golden.

Here is one way: Ask the individual to tell you the last time they compromised with someone in order to get agreement on some decision.  This will tell you whether they can work together with others or always have to be in control.

Also, when running references on someone, ask: Tell me of a time he/she disagreed with someone and gave in for the better good.  You’ll know in a heartbeat whether they are strong or weak.

Lord, please send godly and mature leadership to Your churches.  Amen.

 

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