Bullies and Wimps in the Pews

I’m on the side of the church, make no mistake. But at a time when the church of the Lord Jesus Christ is under siege from all sides, forces on the INSIDE threaten to do it the greatest damage.

For my money, the two most destructive forces at work within the congregation of the people of God are the wreckers and the sleepers. The bullies and the wimps. The tyrants and the meek little lambs.

A friend told me a little group ran off the pastor from a church where his mother belongs. The man was a terrific minister, he said, and had the support of the congregation, but a few people made life miserable for him and forced him out. When my friend asked his mother why the “good people” in the congregation didn’t rise up and take a stand, she replied:

“Well, someone has to act like a Christian in these things.”

That, I suggest to you, is 50 percent of the problem. Confronting evil doers inside the congregation is seen by many as “acting unChristian.”

In a typical congregation of Christian people, no matter the denomination, you will find some of the nicest people on the planet. They are peaceful and loving, generous and kind-hearted. They like to serve and give, to teach and help. But there is one thing they shy away from above all else:

Confrontation.

To put it bluntly, they wimp out at the very time when the Lord’s church–its ministries, its missions, its outreach, its unity–is under siege.


A friend writes that a deacon in his church was rumored to be seeing a woman other than his wife. When confronted, he angrily denied it. Then, when he divorced his wife and the two moved in together, he resisted all contacts from the leadership. When the deacons sent a registered letter asking him either to leave the church or submit to a conference with the leadership, he threatened to take it to court. After all, he insisted, other people in the church have sinned without being kicked out.

Assume that he does see a lawyer and brings charges against the church. Nice guy, huh? We can only imagine the ugliness that will result and fill the pages of a small town newspaper. The name of Christ is smeared and the enemy has a field day. The church is divided and the leadership slandered.

I’m tempted to go off on a tangent here concerning the sloppy way most churches go about selecting its deacons and other leaders. But there is no ironclad method to guarantee that a church leader will not turn stupid. Plenty of pastors have done it.

You can readily understand why the Apostle Paul suggested “turning such a one over to the devil for the destruction of the flesh that the soul may be saved.” (I Corinthians chapter 5) “Take him, Satan! He’s yours! Bring him back when you get through with him.”

A phone call today told of another pastor who has just been ousted. “His critics said he didn’t preach on hell enough.” (I’m not making this up.)

How much preaching on hell is enough? How much is too much? And why would one make that the standard for a pastor’s leaving or staying?

Clearly, there is more to that story than this one line, but I’ve known shepherds to be run off on such flimsy reasons.

One church I know has a leading member who feels free to stand up in the worship service any time he pleases and exhort the members. He says he does it “when the Lord tells me to.” Meanwhile, the pastor and other members accept it because he’s a great guy and means well.

I wonder how a visitor feels when that happens. A man moves into a community and brings his wife and children to this church, prayerfully considering it as their next spiritual home. In the middle of the service, some member–unknown to them, of course; they know nothing about ‘what a great guy he is’–interrupts the proceedings with a harangue about revival or repentance or righteousness. Even if every word he says is on target, the outburst will drive away 90 percent of the visitors.

I’m undecided whether the problem is with the “beloved member” who pulls that stunt or the “faithful church members” who put up with it. Maybe both.

I suggest that the two main forces within a congregation causing the most harm are the little dictators who insist on running the show and the sweet-spirited Christian people who wimp out rather than stand up to them.

Neither group loves the Lord or His church enough. One uses the church for their own selfish purposes and the other abandons it in its hour of need.

One group is as destructive to the health of the church as the other.

I’m no ecclesiastical repairman with a quick fix for every ailment. I have no wonderful concluding paragraph to put this in perspective and settle the matter. Bullies and cowards have populated the church rolls from the beginning. The little epistle of III John spoke of “Diotrephes who loves to have the pre-eminence.” So the problem has always been around, even from the First Century.

In that case, said the Beloved Apostle, Diotrephes was refusing hospitality to traveling missionaries and forbidding anyone in the congregation from opening their homes to them. Do so, he warned church members, and you’re out!

What we wonder is why the congregation put up with it. Why didn’t they stand up to him?

“That’s why we have a pastor,” I hear someone saying.

My response to that is that the best people to deal with a church bully (or a small herd of bullies) is three or four choice, mature church leaders who will stand together, act together, and speak together. They must be courageous and willing to do whatever it takes to save their church.

The pastor is frequently the worst person to deal with this kind of troublemaker for two reasons: preachers have not been members of the church as long as the members have and thus do not have the longterm relationships providing that balance of strength and compassion which this requires, and the preacher is vulnerable to being fired by a strong group of troublemakers.

When the pastor stands up against the bully, he lays his job–his livelihood, his income, his support for his family, and his career–on the line. There will come times when he has to do this, and a true man of the Lord is willing to do it. But faithful lay leaders who will stand up and do their job can protect him.

No one in the church can confront a church bully like three or four strong and godly men who love the Lord, know that man, and are willing to act like adults. The tyrant has nothing to threaten them with; he can’t get them fired. They have a freedom no pastor enjoys.

Tyrants and bullies have been around from the first and presumably will be a problem for the Lord’s Church as long as this earth stands. But that’s no excuse for God’s faithful men and women to passively assume “there’s nothing we can do” or “someone has to act Christian in all this.”

It’s time for church leaders to decide how much they love the Lord and His Church, and what they’re willing to risk for the Savior’s reputation and the church’s well being.

It’s high time.

6 thoughts on “Bullies and Wimps in the Pews

  1. Dr Joe,

    So much of what happens in a church is right in your article. I cannot tell you how many times someone will call and say can a certain group do this or that in the church, and my reply is “only if you let them”. Thanks for all you do.

    Jimmy

  2. Just in case some folks need a reminder, Satan attends church each time there is a meeting to see what trouble he can start in the membership. Be aware the Evil one does not want us happy in church.

  3. There is a great deal of wisdom and reality in what you describe.

    Guy Greefield’s book “The Wounded Minister” explains some of the political, social, and psychological factors that allow this to happen far too often. He also offers suggestions to churches and pastors about how to try to decrease and even avoid it from happening. He helped me to understand the “how”, “what”, and “why”.

    Some of us are concerned that the Baptist Church is too often persecuting itself, shooting itself in the foot, or eating itself up.

  4. One church I know ran off five successive pastors. Two or three bullies wanted to call the shots and the rest of the congregation would not confront them. As a consequence the church declined in attendance from about 150 actually down to 20. The church is trying to survive and make a come-back. The bullies are all gone, but the reputation of the church remains.

  5. On target Joe. I’ve related here about one church I went to where two leading members warned me about one person the first Sunday I was there. Neither said anything ahead of time, or I would have made their dealing with it a condition of my coming. Some in other churches have said to me they have to live with the troublemakers in the community, so they don’t want to confront them. Yet, most of these people create problems wherever they go.

  6. I am a pastor and I am assigning this article as “required reading” for my Deacons. It an outstanding insight into a prickly issue.

    Respectfully, though, I tend to feel differently than McKeever when he writes,

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