Take my colonoscopy for me. Please!

“No one can believe for you any more than they can eat your food and make your love.” — Anonymous

As I type this, I’m getting ready for a day and then a full night of prep for my colonoscopy.  I’ve laid in a supply of apple sauce and chicken broth and Sprite, the kind of non-threatening foods the gastro doctor says one can have the day before going through this gut check. (heh heh)

I’ve done this before. Twice, as a matter of fact.  And it’s no fun. So…

I was wondering if any of my friends would like to volunteer to take this test for me.  It wouldn’t be exactly cheating, like taking the SAT in someone else’s name.

Any takers?  Any at all?


I didn’t think so.

Several friends messaged that they’d love to take my place. But Charles has promised his wife he’d take out the trash tomorrow morning. And Elsie has an appointment for a pedicure. And Mike says he will fast and pray about it. The problem is Mike’s fasts are always two-day affairs and the colonoscopy will be over by the time he gets divine guidance.

Fact is, having someone fill in for me wouldn’t work, would it?  Some things you have to do for yourself.

Surrogancy doesn’t work in all situations.

I was thinking about some other things we have to do for ourselves and cannot hire a substitute to handle in our place….

1) We have to get our own sleep. No one can rest for us.

If that would work, I’d try to hire myself out to sleep for others.  That would be making the best use of my talents, I expect.

2) We have to eat our own food, take our own vitamins, and drink our own water.

We both know people who eat enough for three people, but that’s not the same.

3) We have to (ahem) make our own love (for want of a better way of saying it).

Hey, it’s a tough job but someone has to do it.

4) We have to parent our own children.  No teachers and nannies, no matter how qualified, can take the place of an on-the-scene parent faithfully doing his/her job.

5) We have to take our own drivers test.  When you’re 16 or so, and scared to death of that state trooper who crawls into the passenger’s seat, you’d give a year of your life for someone to take this test for you. But it’s not going to happen.

6) We have to deal with our own health issues.  At the age of 9, I went into the hospital for an 11-day stay, for hip surgery. It was a strange and forboding world I’d entered, and the ether mask they clamped over my face without warning did not help matters.  But I had to go through it myself, as with the various surgeries over the years since.

7) We have to worship our God ourselves.

8) We have to make personal decisions to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and be saved, to publicly confess Him in believer’s baptism, and to live for Him.  No godly parent can handle this in our place, as much as they wish they could.

The old line says, “God has no grandchildren.” No one gets to Heaven on the faith of his parents.

9) We must read the Bible ourselves.  We cannot hire the preacher to do this for us.

You wouldn’t want to, anyway. Reading Holy Scripture is one of the delights of the Christian life.  Job said, “I have esteemed the words of Thy mouth more than my necessary food.” The Psalmist kept saying how God’s Word is better than gold and sweeter than honey.

You could wish every Christian would know how true this is.

10) We must all stand before the Lord and give account. No substitutes will be allowed to take our place.

I can see someone attempting just that.  “Uh, Lord, I’m so sorry that my buddy Henry isn’t here today at the Great Throne. But he had other more pressing duties. But he has given me the power of attorney, if that helps. And I’d like to say a few words on his behalf.”

Good luck with that.

Eat your food. Love your spouse.  Delight in your children. Read your Bible. And believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.

Do it yourself.

1 thought on “Take my colonoscopy for me. Please!

  1. Well, I did it. And lived to tell the tale. May I recommend to my friends that after a certain age, you get a colonoscopy every 5 years or so? Within the last year, I buried a great friend who kept putting on getting this test. By the time he did it, they discovered the cancer was too far along. He died within a few months. Sadder than anything. And so unnecessary. Please do it.

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