What to say on your way out the door

“And now I commit you to God and to the message of His grace….” (Acts 20:32).

You’re leaving the church you have served for a shorter period than expected.  Perhaps you were forced out or were informed by the Lord and/or the leadership that your ministry had been aborted and you should leave.

If this is your first time to leave a church in this sad way, your heart is broken and your family is confused.  Nothing about this is good.

Some friends in the church are crying; others are gloating.  It’s the real world, my friend. Sad to say, the church is frequently too much like the world.

Anyway….

Try not to be too hard on those who want you gone. And as much as possible, stifle the martyr complex that keeps rearing its egotistical head within you.

After all, you made some mistakes in this church. You are human like the rest of us. So, be humble about your departure, and try to be the adult in the room, even if some want to play the part of spoiled children.

The question is what to say in your final sermon?

Pastor Edward asked this an hour ago.

I’ve been where he is.  It’s no fun.

In a long ministerial career, I recall very little of my exits from most of the churches.  But the time I left under duress lingers in my mind forever.  You never forget it.

The temptation to unload on the church is strong.  The urge to get some things off your chest and “say what you’ve always wanted to say” is bubbling up inside you.

Doesn’t the congregation need to know what some of their leaders are doing, how they have treated the Lord’s shepherd, how they are brutalizing him and misrepresenting the membership?

Wouldn’t you be doing the church a service by telling them?

Short answer: No.  Long answer:  Absolutely not!

It will backfire on you, pastor.  The simple fact is no one in the church–friend or foe–is open to receiving bad news from you now. Nothing you say of a negative nature can help.

Anything you say of that nature will be interpreted as sour grapes.  The enemy will have a field day.  Your ministry here is finished.

So far, you have handled your leaving with class.  You have not been vindictive, not been argumentative, and have not said anything you will regret.

So, do not start playing into the enemy’s hand now.

You could do what Jesus did: That’s the gold standard.

Pray for them.  Give yourself up for them.  Hold your head up high. Cheer up the ones who are going to be carrying on in your absence. Give them an example of one who “did not commit sin, and no deceit was found in His mouth.  When reviled, He did not revile in return; when suffering, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to the One who judges justly” (I Peter 2:22-23).

I cannot tell you what portions of your ministry people will remember, Pastor, but I will promise you one thing: They will never forget how you left their church.

They. Will. Never. Forget. How. You. Left. Their. Church.

So, give them a memory to cherish.  Be Christlike.

Or, you could do as Paul did.  We have two rather different valedictory messages from him.

First: We have his swan song to the Ephesian leaders. It’s Acts 20:18-38, and it’s plenty revealing.

Now, Paul’s situation was not like yours is (or mine was).  Paul was the founding pastor of the Ephesian church, having labored there over a three year period.  Acts 19 gives Luke’s account of some of the high points of that ministry.  And now, at the conclusion of Paul’s third (and final) missionary journey, he is headed home and wants a final word with the “elders” (“pastors,” plural) of Ephesus.  They meet him at the coastal town of Miletus and presumably spend the day with him before he sets off for Jerusalem and Pentecost.

Essentially, Paul’s valedictory address falls into three divisions:

–A recap of his three years with them.  20:18-21

–A statement of his future plans.  20:22-27

–A summation of their situation. 20:28-38.

However.

This is not a sermon with three clean points and obvious transitions between them.  It’s a real live open-hearted sharing of a father for his children, a shepherd for his flock.  So, Paul starts talking about his future and ends up remembering his past ministry among them (26,27).  He starts talking about their future and does the same (31).

So, we don’t call this the gold standard for a pastor’s “out the door” message.

You will not want to do everything Paul did. As we say, his situation and yours are vastly different.

Second:  We have Paul’s Second Epistle to Timothy.  That’s his ultimate swan song, his final epistle.

Paul knows this is his final word to Timothy, and through him to various churches that will be reading this.  He says, “The time of my departure is at hand; I have fought the good fight….” (4:6-7).

What Paul does in this epistle is worth noting…

–He reaffirmed the message of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Jesus “abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel” (1:10).

–He mentioned some special people to whom he owed a great debt.

There was Timothy himself, of course (chapter 1), also Onesiphorus (1:16), and a number of people in chapter 4–Luke, Mark, Prisca and Aquila, etc. That’s not a bad idea, to recognize certain ones who meant a great deal to you.

–Then he singled out some people who should not be trusted.

Watch out for Phygelus and Hermogenes (1:15), Hymenaeus and Philetus (2:17), Demas (4:10), and Alexander (4:14).

Should a departing minister do this? Probably not.  In most cases the congregation will not receive this well and it will be seen as vindictive on your part.

–He cautioned the church on what to expect in the future.

The opening verses of 2 Timothy chapters 3 and 4 warn of “the time to come.”

–And he gave his own testimony of faith and commitment.

“Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness….and not for me only….” (2 Timothy 4:8).

Then, Paul did one thing more, something you will want to do:  Commit them to the Lord.

To the Ephesian elders, Paul said, “And now I commit you to God and to the message of His grace which is able to build you up and to give you an inheritance among all who are sanctified” (Acts 20:32).

When you say this to a congregation, the unspoken message is:

1) Don’t be coming back to me. I’m through here.

2) The Lord is your Source; look to Him. Whatever happens in the future is His business and no longer mine.

3) You are His problem and He is fully up to the task.

Then, do as Paul did with the Ephesians:  Kneel and pray with them; hug everyone and kiss them as is appropriate; weep some.  And then leave.

“They would never see his face again” (Acts 20:38).

That’s closure.

 

 

 

 

 

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