I’m trying hard to answer this question with a straight face.

Short answer: No.

Longer answer: No sirree!

Last night, driving the interstate from Jackson, Mississippi, to New Orleans, I passed a billboard advertising some ministry that is focusing on biblical prophecy. Big letters: “THE USA IN BIBLE PROPHECY!” And a website.

My opinion–and that’s all this is; this is my website and I can freely post it; thank you very much–is that the people involved in this kind of “find the USA in the Bible ministry” are of two types: 1) well-intentioned unthinking believers who love Jesus but were never grounded in the essentials of the Christian life, and are now being led seriously off-track; and 2) clones of Harold Camping (the guy who gets his kicks out of his own off-brand interpretations of Scripture and loves to predict the end of the world) who spend all their time trying to unlock the Rubik’s cube of the Bible so they can know more than anyone else as to what the Lord is up to.

Both groups are in bad trouble.

The first ones–the well-intentioned unthinkers–need to go back and read the entire New Testament on their own. They will see that the major thrust of the Gospels and the Epistles is to a) live the gospel before the world and b) share the gospel with the world.

The second group–the Campingites who play with the Bible like it’s their own private mystery game–falls into several classifications. Some of them need to get saved. They’re bringing their carnal mind to God’s Word which can be understood only by the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit alongwith the help of God’s faithful disciples. (See II Peter 1:20)

Some are saved but suffer from bad mental health. They remind me of the obsessive-compulsive Adrian Monk of the “Monk” TV series. They overlook a thousand major aspects of the Christian faith in order to focus on some element so minor as not to deserve a moment of their time. The only cure I know for the bad mental health afflicting so many preachers and leaders is the fruit of the Spirit, found in Galatians 5:22-23. With their “long obedience,” the Holy Spirit in time can overwhelm the gaps in their dysfunctional psyche and make them whole with the qualities of a healthy man or woman of God.

The others are just having fun. These are the people who get their kicks out of solving riddles. They are convinced God has left clues throughout the Word for us to unravel.

So, where do they find that the Bible speaks of the United States in prophecy? In obscure, hard-to-understand passages which God’s people have never ever ever ever ever (etc) agreed on as to their meaning.

“But I have the proper understanding,” we can hear them say. Pardon me for groaning.

A little historical perspective would put such false teachers out of business. Do they have any idea how many know-it-alls have preceded them with the key to understanding God’s plan for the world’s future based on some tiny insight they alone have figured out? And that time proved them all to be mistaken?

Look at these quotes which I took verbatim from two websites hawking this prophecy line:

It makes sense that the most powerful and influential nation on earth will play a vital role in the final stunning events of the world’s closing chapters.

And the second:

Does it make sense that God would forget to say anything about the most powerful nation on earth, the USA, in biblical prophecies about the latter days of our age?

I have an answer from an Old Testament prophet. “Behold, the nations are as a drop in a bucket, and are counted as the small dust on the scales; Look, He lifts up the isles as a very little thing and Lebanon is not enough to burn, nor its beasts sufficient for a burnt offering. All nations before Him are as nothing, and they are counted by Him as less than nothing and worthless” (Isaiah 40:15-17).

It’s hard to read those two statements above without laughing. The very idea that the living God, the Lord of the universe, would neglect to say something about the mighty USofA in Holy Scripture is unthinkable.

The pride of man is something. The pride of American preachers–some of them at any rate–is something to behold.

God, forgive us for our pride and our foolishness.

Before telling where we can indeed find the USA in Scripture, I need to call the attention of readers to the remark the Apostle Peter made about the writings of the Apostle Paul. They apply to so much of the prophetic scriptures over which God’s well-intentioned have wrestled through the ages….

…our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given to him, has written to you, as also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which untaught and unstable people twist to their own destruction, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures. (II Peter 3:15-16)

Untaught: that’s the well-intentioned unthinking believers we referred to above. Unstable: those are the ones with poor mental health.

Alas, both groups have ever been with us. And might I say, have been the bane of the church throughout the centuries. (Hey, I was a church history major in seminary. I do not say “throughout the centuries” lightly. And sometimes, the crazies have ruled the church and run the seminaries.)

Okay, Joe, so where do we find the United States of America in the Bible? Answer: in the same place we find Costa Rica and Nigeria, Canada and Korea.

“Whosoever will, let him take of the water of life freely” (Revelation 22:17).

“Whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved” (Romans 10:13).

“…that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).

And here: “Unto whom much is given, much shall be required” (Luke 12:48).

And finally: “When the Son of Man comes in His glory and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. All the nations will be gathered before Him” (Matthew 25:31-32). That’s it: the USA will be standing before Jesus to be judged.

Sickening, ain’t it? That God is not impressed by us.

Get used to it, friend.

Father, give us church leaders and Bible teachers and seminary professors with their hearts aflame with a love for Jesus, their heads screwed on tight, and their ministries directed toward a faithful exposition of thy word and the obedient application of thy will. Please. For Jesus’ sake. Amen.