It was the summer between my sophomore and junior years of college. For the past several months, I had been the weekend clerk-typist for the Pullman Company, dispatching porters and conductors to various runs in and out of Birmingham, Alabama, and keeping up with the whereabouts of all sleeping cars in the state. It was a great job and usually so quiet I was able to get a lot of studying done for class. Mac Chandler, passenger agent for the Seaboard Railroad, had invited me to work for him that summer, taking ticket reservations over the phone in his downtown office. There were only three other people in the office, all of them veterans of that work, and professionals.

I wish I knew what Mr. Chandler had noticed. He was a quiet man who took in everything around him, while speaking little and, alas, chain-smoking. One morning he walked over to my desk and handed me a little booklet. “Joe,” he said, “I thought you would enjoy this. It has some excellent points in it.”

The booklet was entitled “Tact.” Mr. Chandler was the personification of the virtue.

Today, I cannot recall a single point the booklet made. But I remember distinctly reading its pages, feeling “this is so right,” and taking to heart its points. There’s a line in the Proverbs about “a word fitly spoken” being like apples of gold in a silver setting, which I take to mean “of great value.” (Proverbs 25:11)

Undoubtedly, I was just right for a great lesson on tact and Mr. Chandler’s act in matching me up with the booklet was one of the most helpful things anyone has ever done for me.

Yesterday, as I write, our daily newspaper reported on two men of prominence. The first is featured on the front page as the recommended candidate to become president of a major university in our state. The other was president of a local department store chain and is described in his obituary. The contrast is worth noting.

On the front page, underneath the photo of veteran educator John Lombardi, we read: “Former Florida president once was called an ‘immature bully.'” In the opening paragraph of the article, we read, “…the panel not only cast aside any concern about the nominee’s penchant for bluntness, but also embraced that characteristic as a qualification for the job. ‘He suffers no fools,’ said…one of five supervisors on the search committee. ‘He is too direct, perhaps. But that could be good for (the school) at this time.'”

Let us hope so. There is indeed a time for bluntness, although that time does not come around as often as some people think. Far more frequently, the situation calls for kindness and graciousness.

Twenty pages into the paper, we come upon the obituary of “Bob Fiddler, 86, D. H. Holmes president.” (D. H. Holmes was a New Orleans-based chain of 21 department stores eventually bought out by Dillard’s.) A man who had served as vice president under Fiddler said, “He was one of the finest people and nicest of gentlemen I ever worked with.”

Mr. Fiddler’s daughter is quoted: “Everybody who worked at D. H. Holmes would remember him for the twinkle in his eye and the sincerity of his greetings.” She says, “So many people remember him as being extremely kind and nice to everyone in the company.”

Given a choice between working for the kind executive known for his gracious ways and the blunt educator with a reputation for bullying, most people would have no hesitation in choosing the former.

In my limited experience on this subject, the person priding himself on bluntness and outspokenness is often trying to put the best face on his rudeness. That in turn may be an expression of the individual’s out-of-control pride. The only person’s opinion that matters is his own.

Not an employer I would want to work with. And most assuredly, not the kind of leader I want to be.

“Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.” (Colossians 4:6) Think of sprinkling kindness and graciousness on one’s words. (At the very least, they will be easier to eat later if that becomes necessary!)

That admonition was penned by the Apostle Paul, one with a reputation for writing strong–and no doubt, blunt–letters. And yet, since we have at least 12 of his epistles, we may judge for ourselves the quality and sharpness of his words. What we see is that 90 percent of the time, he was kind and encouraging.

Only rarely do we find Paul addressing someone harshly, and even then, it seems to have been called for. “Deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh,” he said on one occasion, “so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus Christ.” (I Corinthians 5:5)

This calls to mind our Lord Jesus telling Peter to “Get behind me, Satan.” So, even the Lord Himself was capable of blunt speech. As we say, sometimes it’s in order. However, it’s worth noting that the people who heard Jesus “wondered at the gracious words falling from His lips.” (Luke 4:22)

Not long after calling for the Corinthian church to deal harshly with the wayward church member, Paul seems to have the same man in mind when he writes, “…you should rather forgive and comfort him….reaffirm your love for him.” (II Corinthians 2:7-8)

I wish I could testify that Mr. Chandler’s booklet on tact cured all my problems in this regard. Alas, the stories I could tell of people I wounded by my sharp mouth as I struggled with this problem. One day, the Holy Spirit called my attention to a small prayer which I have offered to the Father almost every day since, and which I recommend to the incoming university president:

“Set a guard upon my mouth, O Lord. Keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3)

I do not know a single person working in the offices of the president of that university, but I am sure of this: every employee there cringes when they read of the bluntness and bullying reputation of their possible boss. It is not a good thing to learn about someone you’re about to be working for. They hope against hope that his reputation is overblown and that he will be considerate and gracious.

I’m only three years older than the nominee for that office, and I know for a fact God has not given up on me yet, that He’s still trying to make me gracious. So, I’ve decided to pray for Dr. Lombardi, that God will make him wise enough to know when bluntness is called for and at all other times to sprinkle his words with the seasoning of grace.

Now, as I go to post this, I pray that these are words of grace and not harshness, that the Father will use them to bless and not to wound or discourage.

Postscript:

Here is an excellent illustration of a tactful response.

In his memoirs of the World War II years (“Comes The Reckoning”), Sir Bruce Lockhart tells of a dinner in Quebec at which one of Churchill’s right hand men, Brendan Bracken, was honored. That evening, someone put Bracken on the spot and asked if the British government was supporting FDR in his bid for re-election to a fourth term that November. Lockhart summarizes Bracken’s answer.

“It would be most improper of them to interfere in the internal affairs of the United States. But if Americans expected either the British Government or the British people to forget what Franklin Roosevelt had done to help the cause of Freedom before the United States came into the war, they were asking the impossible, for if the British people ever did forget, they would be unworthy of the name of human beings.”

Lockhart adds, “Bob Sherwood (FDR’s speechwriter who hosted that dinner) always declared that this was the best answer to an embarrassing question that any Englishman had ever made….”