“Both the Pharisees and the scribes began to grumble, saying, ‘This man receives sinners and eats with them.’ And He told them this parable…”.(Luke 15:2-3).

Ask Jesus a question and it reminded Him of a story.  Charge Him with something and it reminded HIm of a story.  Criticize Him and He thought of a story.

“He never spoke to them without telling stories” (Mark 4:34).

One thing about our Lord’s stories, they were never inappropriate, ill-chosen, or out of place.

They always fit perfectly.

That’s unlike the ones I sometimes tell and I’m guessing you also.

It’s hard to get these things just right.

Some observations….

1) Some stories work well in one context and not in another.

2) And yet, a good story may have several applications. Knowing where it works and where it won’t is almost an art.

3) If a story detracts from the point you were trying to make, it’s a mistake to use it no matter how cute it is, how much you are itching to tell it, and how much the congregation is going to enjoy it.  If it gets in the way of your purpose, you would do well to skip it.

4) If the audience will not hear another word you say for the next five minutes, but will sit there reliving that story thinking what they would have done in that situation, you should eliminate it.  Such a story is not a friend to your sermon. A sermon illustration should shine a light on the message, not absorb all the available light for itself.

5) If a story takes up too much of the allotted time, leaving you less time to preach, eliminate it.  The exception is if it’s a perfect story for what you are trying to do and worth the trouble of telling it even if it takes all the available time.

6) If the story is inserted just to introduce the subject but adds little of value to the lesson, consider dropping it.  It could be a distraction.

7) The best kind of story is one you experienced yourself or know of firsthand, and preferably not in the too-distant past.

8) The worst story/illustration is one you have told for forty years.  Chances are hundreds of other preachers have also, and it’s time to put that thing to bed.

9) Stories and illustrations from “books of illustrations” are almost completely worthless.

10) Your spouse is usually the most reliable judge of whether a story is right for the point you are making.  Squelch the temptation to argue with her; without knowing what she said, I’ll tell you: “She’s right.”

Two stories with a quick analysis….

FIRST.

I asked my buddy Bobby if I could use a story he posted recently.  It’s not original with him, but has been around for decades (because I’ve heard it that long).  I asked his permission since he posted his sermon only recently and knows that I read it. The last thing I want is him to think that I went immediately to my blog and ripped his story apart.

Okay, the story….

The older priest says to the younger priest, “Your idea of replacing those front pews with cushioned theater seats was inspired.  I also like your idea of adding upbeat music and bringing in the rock and roll choir.  But I’m afraid you have gone too far with the drive-through confessional.”

The younger priest said, “But Father–the congregation loves it. The confessions and contributions have almost doubled.”

The older priest said, “I know, but the flashing neon sign saying ‘Toot ‘n Tell–or Go to Hell’ needs to come off the roof top!”

My friend used the story to introduce a sermon on hell. His transition sentence made the point that to many today, hell is simply a curseword, and then he moved into his sermon.

I suggest that it’s not a good story to tell on the subject.  (In fact, I can’t think of any good subject that story would fit.)  It is humorous to some extent, but it appears to trivialize the very subject the preacher wants to get serious about.

I imagine that Bobby was using the story the same way I have used hundreds of stories: as sermon-openers that simply bring the subject up but are not intended to add anything to the discussion.

In such a case, a story needs to be jettisoned and either another one found or some other way of introducing the sermon be created.

SECOND:

The following story has been around exactly 9 years.  The reason I know is that my 17-year-old granddaughter Abby was 8 years old when it happened.  (I’ve told it here and on Facebook, so if you’ve seen it before, congratulations. 🙂  )

In her front yard, I was pushing Abby on the swing and we were talking about a world of things, the way grandpas and precious little girls do.  What I did not know was that my daughter-in-law Julie had been teaching Abby and her twin Erin about childbirth. Suddenly, out of the blue, Abby said: “Grandpa, I’m not going to have any children. It hurts too bad.”

My first thought was to argue that if her mother had felt that way, she and Erin would never have been born since they have an older brother.  And if our great-grandmothers had felt that way, none of us would be here.  But, what I said was, “Yes, it does hurt. But the pain goes away and you’re left with this beautiful child, and you decide that it was worth it.”

She was quiet a moment, then looked at me and said, “You’re a man. What do you know?”

I fell on the grass, laughing.  A minute later, trying to recover, I said, “You’re exactly right. All I know about childbirth is what the women in my life have told me. They may have been pulling my leg.”

And we laughed some more.

I have told that story in a Mother’s Day sermon, but more often I use it to introduce a message directed specifically to men and boys. “You’re a man; what do you know?”  It’s a perfect lead-in to some scriptures emphasizing what we know in Christ.

Question: Have I asked my wife whether to use that Abby-story in a sermon?  Truthfully, I haven’t.

Sometimes you just know a story is right. You know it as well as you know your own name.

It’s the ones we’re not quite sure about that should send us to our spouse. “Honey, could you give me 2 minutes? I need your advice.”  (If your home is like mine, the preacher asking anyone for advice–much less his wife–is going to grab her undivided attention.  Smiley-face goes here.)

I keep thinking about a sermon I heard a few years back at a denominational gathering where a rather prominent pastor told a lengthy story about “my daughter, the dumb blonde.”  He emphasized “she is sooooo dumb that….”  Mercifully, I have forgotten the details.  As I sat there cringing to think that any father would use his daughter as the butt of a dumb-blonde joke, he ended it by saying, “I’m just teasing. She is a blonde, but not dumb at all.”

Someone is dumb, I thought. And it ain’t the daughter.

“Dear Lord, please keep all Your preachers from foolish stories and misplaced illustrations that would undermine the very sermons they should be helping. Give us Thy wisdom in these matters. For Jesus’ sake. Amen.”