I have the strangest thing to tell you.

Yesterday, as I write, I spent four hours sketching employees for an accounting firm at which a good friend is a partner. I’m a cartoonist and enjoy doing quick sketches of people. So my friend Larry asks me to come out each year on April 15–D-Day for his profession–and to draw their office force. It’s a little thank-you for their hard work during the tax season and a celebration for its end.

I’m not sure how many people I drew, but let’s say seventy-five. Most were women, probably one out of five was a man. They ranged in age from the early 20s into middle-age. And every one was great looking.

I’m tempted to say each one was beautiful. And in a way, that’s true. But it’s probably closer to the mark to say that there was a beauty about each person.

The person plops down in the chair opposite you, looks you square in the eye and flashes a great smile. I say, “Okay. Now, hold that for one minute!” Some do it more effortlessly than others. But no matter who they are, when they turn loose with that great smile, you see how really attractive they are. It’s at that moment I send up a prayer, “Lord, help me to capture some of what I’m seeing in them.”

I’d love them to see how they really look, to know something of the beauty they possess. So few do. They look in mirrors and see what their minds tell them they’re seeing. Often it’s not close to reality. They compare themselves with airbrushed-celebrities and surgically-enhanced beauties and give themselves failing grades.

It’s enough to make a Creator groan.

Do preachers know anything about beauty? Are we entitled to our thoughts on this subject?

The Apostle Peter thought so. His message in our text is as clear as anything you will find anywhere on the subject of real beauty.

The first 6 verses of I Peter 3 are directed to women of the First Century who are followers of Jesus Christ. Verse 7 is a powerful statement to their Christian husbands.

THE WOMEN

Peter is not just opining about beauty. He has bigger fish to fry. He’s interested in helping women who are married to non-Christian husbands know how to relate to them in their new lives as followers of Jesus.

It’s actually possible, he says, for a wife to be the means of winning a husband to Christ without her saying one word to him about Jesus. It’s an inner thing.

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of the wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

“For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.” (I Pet. 3:1-6)

Real beauty is inner, not outward.

It’s not a matter of clothing and accessories. It’s not about makeup and not about earrings and bracelets and rings.

Historians tell us women in the First Century world of the Romans were every bit as addicted to dying their hair as many are today. Blonde wigs have been found in the Christian catacombs.

When I was young, I’d hear preachers railing against women wearing makeup. Gradually, they gave up. These days, the “fake-beauty-industry” is a major force in our world. It’s makeup taken to extremes, it’s revealing clothing–even in church!–it’s expensive treatments for the hair, an endless assortment of surgeries for the body, costly treatments to make the teeth glisten, skin peelings, enhancements of all kinds. The list goes on and on.

I will confess there are times when some gorgeous thing is sitting before me and the thought hits me that, with all the makeup and dyes and jewelry and flashy clothing, there’s no way of knowing what this woman really looks like.

I’m a realist. There’s no way we’re going to change the pattern of the world. It’s always been lost. But for Christians, there is hope.

The hope is that Christian men and women will rediscover what true beauty is all about and both demonstrate it and teach it to each oncoming generation.

1) True beauty is of the spirit.

–“a submissive spirit.” According to Ephesians 5:21, submission toward one another is the standard attitude of disciples of Jesus.

The best way to understand what submission means may be to say what it is not: bossy, pushy, brash, rude, demanding.

–“purity and reverence.” Once again, consider their opposites: impurity, dirty-mindedness, crassness, irreverence, disrespectfulness.

–“gentle and quiet spirit.” And the opposite? loud, harsh, noisy, restless.

I don’t know about you, but if you described a woman to me as bossy, pushy, brash, rude, demanding, dirty-minded, irreverent, disrespectful, loud, and harsh–I would want to get as far away from her as possible.

“This is how the women of old used to make themselves beautiful.”

I expect the Apostle Peter is engaging in a bit of selective nostalgia here. No doubt some women in the old days went for this kind of beauty, but many did not. Human nature being what it is.

2) True beauty is based on an inner presence.

Now, Peter is not attempting a full-blown treatise on beauty here, not in just six verses, so we’ll have to read between the lines and fill in a few blanks for ourselves.

–The Christian woman has an inner strength. That strength is Jesus Christ. “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). I cannot begin to tell you how many girls and women I have seen over the decades who, simply by receiving Jesus Christ into their hearts, came to a new respect for themselves. A new dignity based on their new identity.

–The Christian woman has great confidence. The more she reflects on who she is in Christ–daughter of God, beloved of the Father, redeemed of Christ, indwelt by the Spirit, heir of Heaven–the more she stands tall and loves the person she has become and is becoming.

3) Her beauty is seen in her behavior.

–the unsaved husband may be won without a word by the behavior of the wives. An incredible promise or prediction or principle, whatever we want to call it. (I doubt if we should elevate it to a full promise of God, but rather a great principle to be lived out.)

And what kind of behavior would a wife exhibit that would so charm her husband?

I’m not going to answer that. Except to say that I have known carnal, ungodly men stunned by the radical change in their wives who had started to church and given their hearts to Jesus. The husbands found their wives sweeter and kinder, more patient and loving. Their attitude has been, “Whatever it was you found down at that church, I want some of it!”

–their words were pure and respectful. Why, those women of old even called their husbands “lord” or “master.”

Okay, they did, but you don’t have to. Nowhere does scripture tell the wife to obey her husband (“submit,” yes, but he also is to be submissive) or to call him “lord.”

She is, however, to be respectful and to honor him as the head of the home.

The question always arises as to how submissive a Christian woman must be to an unChristian husband. I don’t know. It’s not a clear-cut thing. Some teachers have laid down harsh rules of behavior for godly wives and the women have paid dearly for the inflexible teachings of other people.

My own feeling is she should submit to him until he is in violation of God’s law or is endangering herself or others. “We ought to obey God and not man,” said the early disciples to civil authorities (Acts 4:19). As with the disciples, sometimes our loyalty to Christ exacts a high price, but we are Christians first and above all.

This is just me, but I will tell you many has been the time a female has sat for me to sketch and I have been so impressed by her manner, her confidence, her spirit, that I have thought, “How lovely she is.” And it had absolutely nothing to do with her weight or how straight her teeth were or how coiffed her hair.

Oh, how I wish we could get this across to the young girls coming up.

THE MEN

“Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the precious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (I Pet. 3:7).

Why didn’t Peter talk to the men about their “beauty,” their appearance, the same way he did to the women? He doesn’t say, but we know. Physical appearance is not an issue with men the way it is with women. Men are drawn to women by their beauty, but evidently it does not work the other way. Men are visual, women more spiritual (with a little ‘s’).

Women are attracted to men who are thoughtful and strong, giving and capable, compassionate and courageous.

However, the burden of the Apostle Peter in all these verses is most definitely not how to make oneself attractive to the opposite sex. It’s how to be beautiful on the inside, before God.

–“be considerate.” The KJV says husbands are to “dwell with your wives according to understanding.” A man will say, “I cannot understand women!” We respond, “You’re not required to understand them all–just that one you’re married to!” She is to be your lifelone project. By the time you’re finished, you should have a doctorate in her. You know what makes her tick, makes her angry, feel insecure, and feel loved.

–“treat them with respect as weaker partners.” You are bigger than she is and presumably can fight better. That’s all he means by that “weaker” business. Now, respect her. No jokes at her expense. No crudeness in public or in private.

–She is a joint heir with you of the blessings of life. Whatever else that means, it must mean that God wants to bless the two of you together. When you are on the outs with one another, you feel separated from the Lord. When you are close, you also feel closer to God. (I recall the first time that hit me; what a revelation!)

If you mistreat her, God takes her side and you are in trouble with Him. “Your prayers are hindered” is how Peter puts it.

Before leaving this subject, we should address the ungodly tendency of some manipulative men to lord it over their wives on the basis of texts such as I Peter 3:1 and Ephesians 5:22. It is true that wives are told to submit to their husbands, but nowhere do we find Scripture telling the husbands to dominate them, boss them, or even to order them around.

Instead, the Ephesians passage calls on husbands to “love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.” The I Peter 3:7 text expects husbands to respect and understand the wives, to deal with them gently.

No wife would mind submitting to a husband who loved her as Jesus Christ loved the church.

Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of portions of our text says:

“Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands….The same goes for you husbands: be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women, they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.” (The Message)

Amen.