“One can’t believe impossible things,” said Alice to the White Queen. “I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” –From Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland.
I write this mostly tongue in cheek. But not completely.
It seems to require superhuman strength to keep our latest accomplishments out of our sermons.
That’s what this is about.
If a pastor jogs or works out, he will probably work that into a sermon at least monthly. “As I was jogging yesterday morning, I’d just completed my third mile….”
If a pastor’s child excels in athletics or the band or academics, he will find a way to mention that in a sermon. It’s what a proud dad does. “My wife and I are so proud of Jayson who has just received ‘student of the month’ award for the third time. We were telling our daughter who is working on a Master’s at Johns Hopkins…”
If the pastor once took a course in Greek and can find his way around a Greek lexicon, look for him to mention that in a sermon, “When I was studying Greek” or “My Greek Bible says….” I suspect that if a real Greek scholar ever entered the service and challenged us, we would be petrified.
If a pastor reads through the Bible annually–or has just done it the first time–not saying so in a sermon is asking more than he is able to give. I can hear him say, “As you know, I read through the Bible annually–and have done so for the last 13 years.”
If the pastor is an avid golfer or a die-hard for some university’s football team, expect it to show up in sermons from time to time. He can no more keep that a secret than he can his commitment to Jesus Christ. “Well, I did it! I hit a hole in one last Tuesday.” He waits for the congregation to applaud. Half the people turn to the other half as if to say, “What does that mean?”
If a pastor owns a doctor’s degree, especially a recent one, it is humanly impossible for him to avoid the occasional reference to “When I was working on my doctorate” or “When I received my doctorate.” See the notes below, please.
If a pastor has memorized large portions of Scripture, not only must he let you know it one way or the other, but he will find ways to demonstrate his skill in memorization. I’m not saying that’s bad, just that this is going to happen. (I know from experience if he quotes a long passage of Scripture, after a bit people will quit listening to him and start being amazed he could memorize that much of it. At that point he has defeated his purpose.)
If the pastor once had a first-rate high-profile celebrity in his congregation or once met the President of the United States, he will be mentioning it from time to time. It’s just who he is.
If he has a long prayer list and spends much time in prayer, the pastor who cannot make a reference to all the time he spends in prayer is a rarity indeed. “One morning recently, my phone rang at 4 am, interrupting me at my time of prayer. That’s a practice I started in seminary and have tried to keep ever since.” (Not me. but that’s how it comes across.)
If the pastor has written a book, he will find a way to mention it. “When I wrote my latest book” or “When I was writing my book, my publisher said…” Note that it’s not “the publisher,” but “my publisher,” as though he had his own personal representative in the work of book-making.
Why do pastors do this?
They are human. Every bit as human and fallible as the rest of us.
Is our insecurity on display? Probably.
Does the pastor’s low self-esteem get a boost when he says, “I once did a wedding attended by movie star Sandra Bullock”? It would seem so. True, we all like to impress. When I say the line about Ms. Bullock, after a suitable moment for the listener to take it in, I add, “She was all of 10 years old at the time. It was her aunt’s wedding, and I never met her. A cousin told me 20 years later.” And we all laugh.
One thing for sure. Preachers have no idea how it sounds when we keep reminding the people that we are just a cut above the ordinary with our doctorates, our association with celebrities, and our health-consciousness. That’s what drives this blog today, to say we should exercise caution about these things.
Well, aren’t all those things good?
Okay, it’s not a major problem, I admit.
What it is, is a little idiosyncrasy which we preachers would do well to drop. It’s a distraction from our message and provokes a needless reaction in some who sit before us.
Take that doctorate business. How much better for people to find out accidentally that the preacher owns one of those things than for him to wear it too prominently. I knew a pastor who had it in bold letters on his mailbox. And his was honorary, not earned.
The rule of thumb is a good one to remember: “The cheaper the doctorate, the more gaudily the owner wears it.”
Is there a way to say these things from the pulpit and not seem to brag?
Here’s what I do: Blend humor with a plain-out admission that I’m name-dropping.
Sometimes, before relating a personal story about Billy Graham, I will say, “I hate name-droppers….as I once said to Billy Graham.” The people laugh, and I proceed.
In banquets, I’ll sometimes tell the audience, “Now, I have stories about Jerry Clower, Bear Bryant, and Billy Graham which no one else has. Let me know which one you want.” As my Uncle Ed would say, what’s the point in having a great story about someone famous if you don’t tell it?
Every golfer will sit up and pay attention when the pastor tells of the time he hit a hole-in-one. But they’ll love it even more when he tells how he almost hit one.
And they’ll love the reference to reading the Bible through in one year a lot more if you will admit there are some places that put you to sleep and you have to force yourself to slog through them. (And no, I will not identify such a place in Scripture that does that to me. It’s probably different for each of us.)
And they’ll enjoy hearing about your jogging or workout regimen a lot more if you tell how you have to make yourself do it, and then admit that “I don’t enjoy jogging; I enjoy having jogged.”
One more thing about these doctorates…
There is one place on the planet where I never heard the first person say, “When I got my doctorate.” And that’s the theological seminary. Everybody there has one of those things. And several have more than one.
Dr. Ray Frank Robbins, celebrated New Testament professor and possessor of two doctorates, was sharing a taxi with a couple of pastors who were reminiscing about “when I got my doctorate.” Eventually, exhausting the subject, they turned to Professor Robbins and one said, “So, Ray, where did you get your doctorate?” Our favorite theologian said quietly, “Which one?”
Oh, one more thing. If you have a doctorate, don’t use it both at the front and rear of your name. You know, like: “Dr. Eminent C. Jones, D. Min.” One or the other, friend, but not both.
Okay. Enough of this foolishness.
Bottom line: If you cannot make your tiny bit of braggadocio more palatable to the ear by softening it or adding humor, and if you insist on doing it, then go for it. It’s not that big a deal.
But try not to overdo it. That stuff gets old real quick.
“Set a guard upon my mouth, O Lord. Keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3).