Newlyweds can easily be overwhelmed with their new circumstances. They are adjusting to each other–the delightful as well as the mysterious, the obvious as well as the surprising. They are finding out how to plan their days and nights now that dating and courting have suddenly been deleted from their agenda. And, they are finding out about mortgages and rents, taxes, and neighbors in ways they only imagined earlier.
It’s called life. It happens to all of us.
It would be natural for the newly married couple to postpone some things. And true enough, some things can be put on the back burner. Let them delay going into debt for “big ticket items.” Debt can be a killer for young families. Let them delay having children until they have solidified some matters in their own new relationship and established their home.
However, some mighty important matters should be dealt with head-on and faced immediately.
1) The newlywed couple should not wait for a good time to start reading their Bible and praying together.
Let them start at day one, and never miss a day. If they need a plan, they would do well to ask several mature couples at church for suggestions.
2) The newlywed couple must not wait until their finances are in shape and all the bills are paid before beginning a savings plan. From the first, they must start setting aside a certain percentage in some definite plan of savings.
3) The newlyweds must not delay in finding a good church home and getting active in Sunday School. Attending worship is essential of course, but sitting in a smaller group studying the Bible and enjoying fellowship with their peers will provide something that can be found nowhere else. (Rather than Sunday School, some churches have cell groups that meet in homes on a weeknight. This can fill the same function.)
4) The newlyweds must not wait to start tithing their income to the Lord through their church. Ideally, they should talk this out before marriage and start tithing as individuals so the transition after the wedding would be seamless.
The typical young couple, even the godliest, will often delay beginning to tithe since they have more financial needs than money. On the surface, it seems logical to say, “We’re going to tithe just as soon as we get our bills paid and get a little ahead.” Isn’t that the responsible approach?
There is one major problem in that….
It seems to me that is saying, “We’re going to tithe just as soon as we don’t have to do it by faith.” And Scripture says, “Without faith, it is impossible to please God” (Hebrews 11:6).
5) Newlyweds must not delay praising and encouraging one another until the other one “gets it down perfectly.”
You married an imperfect human being. But so did your spouse.
Give thanks to God for each other now, even with the flaws and imperfections. Do it by faith, do it now, do it out of love.
Let’s dwell on this for a moment….
Something within the perfectionist resists this. The idealist will often resist praising a partner who is still doing some things wrong.
Ladies: Sure, he works hard and pays the bills and keeps the yard looking great…but he still drops his dirty socks on the floor and leaves the toilet seat up. “If I praise him for what he does right, he will mistakenly think I’m overlooking all the things he is not getting right.”
My suggestion: Overlook all the things he is not getting right.
I guarantee you he overlooks some things in you he wishes you would change. Do the same for him.
Encourage the guy!! He needs encouragement, and you are in the best position of anyone on the planet to administer it.
Guys: Sure, your wife works at keeping herself looking great, she’s kind and tender and faithful, she’s working at learning to cook well, and in time she’s going to make a great mother. However, she’s always got her nose in a book, or she watches too much television, or she’s on the laptop too much. “If I praise her as a wonderful wife, won’t she think I’m approving these other things that I don’t like?”
Suggestion: Jettison the perfectionism. You did not marry a perfect person, and neither did she.
She needs encouragement from the one person whom she has trusted like no one else on earth. You can hurt her or you can help her. Get this right, friend!
Learn to love one another and rejoice in each other in spite of those areas you’d like to see changed.
“Rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). And let the wife rejoice in her young husband.
The “youth” part will vanish all too soon, my friends. Enjoy this while you have it, and establish some great patterns from the start.
You will have the rest of your lives to be glad you started well.