Dear Pastor: Expect Scars

Earlier this year, one of my first sensations on driving the new Camry home from the dealer was how pristine the windshield was. No nicks, no dents, no dried bugs. None of the stuff you get with cars that traveled a few thousand miles across city streets and country highways.

Now, four months and quite a few thousand miles later, that windshield is beginning to look like all the others I’ve stared through and lived with.

There is a way to keep a windshield unflicked (is that a word?). Park it in the garage and leave it there. Never take it outside.

There’s a tiny dent with white paint (the car is a bright red) on one door where some thoughtless person in another car opened a door against it.

It happens. I was expecting it, although I admit I was dreading it.

Real life is this way. If you get out in the world, you get nicked up and dented and even scarred. If you get involved with where people are and attempt to move them to where they ought to be, you will occasionally come home at night with bruises and the occasional black eye and bloody nose.

A friend who left the pastorate to become the director of missions (my former ministry) with the Baptist churches in a Gulf Coast county wrote recently to say no sooner had he unpacked his boxes than he had to mediate a situation between a pastor and a church. The pastor was being forced out and the DOM worked with the church leadership to arrange an appropriate severance package.

I observed that sooner or later, if he does this enough, both sides will turn on him. He was unfair, he was partial to the other side, he is unworthy to call himself a Christian, let alone a minister, he is no friend.

The minister should expect it; don’t be blind-sided; it happens.

The same day the DOM’s note arrived, a pastor in another state emailed asking for prayer. He and his deacon chairman were visiting a wayward deacon who has ended his marriage for another woman in the church, and nothing about this confrontation bodes well.

No one said it was going to be fun.


We all get beat up in life. If our lives count for anything larger than ourselves, we will occasionally have to wade into difficult situations not of our own making in order to salvage lives or relationships or justice.

Policemen will tell you the most dangerous aspect of their jobs is settling domestic disputes. An angry husband who has been beating his wife resents the intruder who tries to calm him down and now turns on him.

Pastors and counselors live in the same world as the cop.

That’s where God called them, where He sent them, and where they have chosen to be.

They wouldn’t have it any other way.

“A ship is safe in the harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.”

If you are looking for a carefree career, one with pleasant working conditions, smooth and supportive relationships, and constant rewards, the ministry is not for you, friend.

When you became pastor of that church, for a brief shining moment, it gave your ego a thrill.

That lasted about 24 hours.

Then the phone began to ring. People began to knock at your door. The chairman of this committee or that project informed you that they’ve been waiting for you to arrive so you could tell them what to do. Caution: the reason they’ve not already made the decision is there is no good choice. This is a steel trap waiting for a head just the size of yours.

The previous pastor led the church right up to the decision on relocating the entire campus, but they decided to hold off until the new pastor arrived. Now it’s your call. Warning: if you proceed, you will be blamed by everyone opposing the move.

Several of the deacons have wanted the church to adopt a policy barring anyone from the diaconate who is married to a divorced person. This has threatened to divide the church since some say there is no such restriction in the Bible and others say it’s found throughout the Bible. Red alert: anything you say or do will be held against you.

In no way am I suggesting the pastor go to a church looking for trouble. He will not have to; it will find him quickly enough.

In nearly a half-century of ministry, I’ve only found two situations in which pastors never ever have a problem of any kind:

–when the church is dead.

–when the pastor is into denial.

One characteristic of a dead church is no one wants to do anything. So, if the pastor initiates nothing, he can be sure to hear no protest. He has a quiet ministry (if you want to call it that), he draws his paycheck and he lives a life of ease. Such a pastor is of course in bad trouble with the Lord who called him into this work and laid the Great Commission across his shoulders and expects fruit from his ministry. But judgment is out in the future somewhere. For the moment he’s enjoying a quiet existence.

More often than this, however, is the pastor who simply turns a deaf ear and blind eye to dissent and trouble in the church. “It’ll all work out,” he assures the staff member who brings a bad report and asks what to do. “Leave it alone.”

I wish I could count all the pastors who have said to me over the years, “I do not like confrontation. I will do anything to avoid it.”

Now, that’s not entirely bad. In fact, if you ever meet a pastor who loves confrontation–who gets his jollies, as we say, from church fights and personal attacks–I’d suggest you run in the other direction as fast as your feet will carry you. Such a preacher is working more from bad mental health than from divine inspiration.

That said, if a pastor cannot handle confrontation, he cannot be a shepherd of the Lord’s flock.

When the sheep fight among themselves the shepherd has to break it up.

When a wolf threatens, the shepherd is there for their protection.

When a thief or rustler arrives, the shepherd must not be asleep or timid. Swift action is required.

Sometimes a pastor must confront another leader in the church. If he is wise, he will do this with a trusted colleague at his side for the protection of everyone.

Sometimes, a pastor must confront a trouble-making member within the congregation. No part of this is fun, and the longer he procrastinates the worse the infection becomes and the harder to cure.

“Master,” the disciples said, “Are you aware the Pharisees and the scribes were offended by what you said?”

That was horrendous to the disciples. The last people on the planet they would have wanted to offend were the religious leaders. For that esteemed group to turn on them surely must have meant they themselves were failing in some way. Jesus would want them on His team, wouldn’t He?

The Lord did not stutter. “Let them alone. They are blind leaders of the blind.” (Matthew 15:12-14)

Sometimes I’m invited to address pastor-groups on the subject of church conflict. The first point we try to get across to these spiritual leaders is: get over your idealism; you have chosen a hazardous occupation in a fallen world; expect conflict.

The second point is like unto it: “That’s not all bad. The Lord can use conflict for His glory.”

The Lord minced no words when sending out the disciples on a training mission. “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves.” (Matthew 10:16).

Oh my. Uh, Lord? Do you know what wolves do to sheep?

Yep. He knows. He went to the cross, you may recall.

To this day in Heaven, He bears the scars of His earthly pilgrimage.

Don’t be surprised if you end up with a few of your own.

Toward the end of their first missionary journey, Paul and Barnabas decided to retrace their steps and revisit the churches they had established over the past few months.

“They returned to Lystra and to Iconium and to Antioch, strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying, ‘Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God.'” (Acts 14:21-22)

These two missionary statemen who knew their share and more of heartaches and opposition felt new converts should be informed that the life they have chosen is not an easy one and will not be painfree.

“Expect tribulations.” This vile world is no friend to grace.

The disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ has chosen to swim upstream in a down-stream world.

The early 20th-century evangelist Billy Sunday was known to get up close and personal in his comments from the pulpit. Mostly, it was a tactical ploy by him to arouse church leaders and attract attention, particularly in communities where the churches were dead or asleep.

On one occasion, leaders of the churches implored Sunday to soften his approach. “You’re rubbing the cat’s fur the wrong way,” they urged.

Sunday bellowed, “The old cat is going to hell! Let him turn around!”

Our Lord said, “Beware when all men speak well of you.” (Luke 6:26) He went on to explain that’s the very way the people of old treated the false prophets.

A good minister will sometimes be an irritation to a community. A faithful pastor will sometimes make his leaders mad at him. A successful preacher will sometimes be run out of town.

Not always, thank the Lord. But sometimes.

It would be well for every young minister to decide early on where his loyalties lie, and whether he will be willing to stand with the Lord when no one stands with him.

Then, let him reaffirm those loyalties often. Yesterday’s commitments will not suffice for today’s trials.

“And one will say to him, ‘What are these wounds between your hands?’ Then he will say, ‘Those with which I was wounded in the house of my friends.'” (Zechariah 13:6)

If you would be like Jesus, expect a few scars along the way.

3 thoughts on “Dear Pastor: Expect Scars

  1. Joe: Amen to a great article. Been there and faced many situations as you mentioned. One thing I would advise young Pastors to remember.

    AS you go to a new church there will be those who cannot do enough for you and praise you for your ministry. As the saying goes they eat you up. This is the time to be very careful and watchful.

    I heard this many years ago. “Those who eat you up, when you arrive on the church field, will literally eat you up”!! They will tear your heart out.

    As stated in the article do not go expecting or looking for trouble. Be wise. Be watchful. God will get you through the tough times. But you will not escape unscarred.

  2. Thank you for sharing such a tender and redemptive part of your heart. The authenticity and healthy perspecitve is a deep well of hope, wisdom, healing, and love. I add my witness to your observations.

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