“Now Eli was very old, and he heard all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who served at the doorway of the tent of meeting” (I Samuel 2:22).

(From time to time on this website, we post warnings to ministers about the dangers of sexual transgressions and urge great care in relationships with everyone, male or female. Invariably, some people reply that the fault belongs completely with the lecherous ministers, or they wonder why I’m always blaming the women.  Nevertheless, the news today reminds us to keep trying to get this across. The battle is never-ending.)

There is nothing new under the sun. Unfortunately.

In a high school not far from where I live, two women teachers–both of them gorgeous and young, by the front-page photos–were arrested yesterday for inviting a 16-year-old male student to an apartment and having three-way sex with him.  Both women are English teachers, and one is exactly twice the age of the student.

The fall-out from this tragic event is enormous.  Lives are disrupted, the school is in turmoil, and families are torn up.

We have laws against this for good reason.

Not only will this kid be affected for the rest of his life, but the two teachers will, if convicted, be forever branded as sexual predators. Imagine carrying that baggage to your grave.

A friend tells me that one of the women has a husband and three small children.  Imagine the pain.

I worry about this sort of thing.

A few times a year I spend the day drawing students in middle and high schools.  And I notice things.  I see girls who are 14 or 15, and are already young women, while many girls the same age appear to be pre-teens.  I notice the young handsome coaches and see the girls swoon as they come near.  I hear the coach’s casual flirting with the girls, the teasing and the laughter.  This concerns me, although I would never say anything. I’m there to draw kids, give a few pointers on sketching people, and speak to them on self-esteem, the subject of my 10-minute presentation.

I worry about student ministers in churches who are daily surrounded by crowds of teenagers, many of them beautiful young women enjoying the first flowering of their promised radiance and who captivate every male who comes within 20 feet of them. Some of them dress like adult women, with attention to the makeup, hair styles, clothing, and jewelry.  Boys the same age tend to be five years behind the girls. (Johnny Carson once said of his 15-year-old son and his friends, “They look like unborn chickens–all legs and elbows.”)  The disparity between the two groups is huge.

Young girls are often thrilled to receive the attention of adults and many play it for all its worth, not realizing the fire they are handling.

Those young ministers had better have strong inner controls, a healthy, loving relationship with their spouses, and a commitment to do the work of the Lord Jesus Christ at all costs.  Otherwise, they are sitting ducks for the enemy.

They can self-destruct and take a lot of people down with them.

Lest someone misunderstand, we are not saying the young women are at fault.  The enemy is Satan himself, that slanderer of the brethren and father of lies who loves nothing more than destroying the ministry of an effective servant of Christ.

I worry about pastors.  Throughout our churches, the women of all ages adore their shepherd and that’s all good.  The minister is greeted warmly by families and hugged by a large number of people and teased by some.  They banter and joke, they laugh and enjoy fellowship, and sometimes in their casual contact they edge too close to the forbidden border.

Here are some invisible lines God’s ministers who want to remain useful to Him and a blessing to the flock must be wary of and cautious when approaching…

—Talk may cross the borderline. Ministers (we speak of men here) must not compliment young women of any age on their appearance.  To be sure, there are attractive women in most groups. But to single out one for her loveliness sends a depressing message to all those without her attributes. Do not do it, pastor. Someone else can do it, but not you. Bite your tongue.

—Touching may cross the borderline. Ministers must not touch women in familiar ways for this reason. Shake their hands or do fist-bumps, if you must. (In previous writings, saying that ministers must not hug young women stirred up all kinds of hostile comments.  Some ministers appear to think this is a perk of the job, one they are unwilling to sacrifice. Or that their hug communicates something of Christ to the huggee.  I’m not against hugging–for other people.  But let the women hug the women and the men hug the men.)

—The chemistry may lure one across the borderline. Ministers must pay attention to the chemical reactions that signal an attraction to some woman, and learn to heed its warning. If you are alive and normal, you will have this happen. Chemistry happens.  And if you have not learned to say no to yourself, to control these inner yearnings, you are in trouble from the first.

I suggest to pastors that from the first (the initial interview), they make it plain to prospective staff-members that they will be expected to exercise great caution in their relationships with the opposite sex.  Furthermore…

–The pastor should set the example himself.

–The pastor should bring this up in staff meetings at least a couple of times a year and lead a full discussion on the specifics (how ministers are vulnerable, how to protect oneself, etc.).

–The pastor should print out the occasional article (like this one) that deals with this subject and distribute to his staff members.

–But that is not enough.  There is one huge thing left unsaid and undecided if we were to stop at this point.

How does one go about telling a colleague he/she is transgressing, playing with fire?

I can almost guarantee that other teachers in our high school had spotted the teasing and touching between those young teachers and that 16-year-old boy.  They were concerned. But there is no mechanism in any school that I’ve ever heard of by which a teacher can tell his/her colleagues that “I have noticed you doing something very scary.”

On a church staff, however, this can be done.

I suggest role-playing.  This works best on a staff retreat when the ministers are isolated for a couple of days to plan calendars, project future ministries, and deal with various issues.

Let the pastor put two staff members in front of the group, then say, “Jeff, you have noticed Jason here doing some things with girls in the youth group (or women in the church, whatever) that raise your concern.  So, what would you say to him?  Let’s hear you two talk this out.”

Only by anticipating trouble can we be prepared for it when it comes.

As long as we are male and female and have sinful hearts, the temptation will always be a factor in our relationships.

On the television game show Family Feud, the audience was asked, “At what age is a man too old to fool around?” The number one answer was “One hundred.”  And they are exactly right.

No one is too old to become a fool. Nor too young to become wise.

Let’s get this right  for Jesus’ sake. A lot of people are counting on us.