The best thing about being a pastor is you’re able to make such a difference in people’s lives for eternity’s sake.

There are so many great aspects to the ministry, things you can do which were not available to you until the Lord thrust you into the ministry.  People trust you, they hand you the key to their lives (in a sense), they receive you  into their homes as an honored guest (almost a family member from the first), and they listen to you as though yours was the voice of the Father.

That’s a heavy load.

However, there are limitations. Just because people trust you and hand you a trainload of esteem and truckloads of trust does not mean you can do everything you would like. There are some lines you should not cross, some fences you need to respect.

The no-no’s everyone thinks of first might include prohibitions such as these:

…Not to preach longer than 45 minutes (25-30 is best). Who made that rule? No one. But unless your name is Spurgeon, it’s probably a good one to observe.

…Not to preach a hundred sermons from any one book of the Bible. (Hey, it’s been done! Entire sermons on one little word, a sermon series on two verses. The pastor who does that takes pride in announcing to friends that he spent a full year in First John. Pardon me for not being impressed.  Believe me, pastor, your people can no longer find their way through the forest for the minutia with which you are filling their lives.)  (On re-reading that, it may be too harsh. If so, I’m sorry. But I’m going to let it stand.)

…Not to tell Sister Phelps what Sister Lampman said about her in counseling.

…Not to use in a sermon that amazing confession from a sobbing counselee just last week. (This may be the wisest taboo of all. Do not ever, ever do this, preacher.)

…Not to use verbatim a sermon you read in a book or online as though it were your own God-given message. Plagiarism is stealing, period.You may get by with it a few times, but eventually it will catch up to you and nothing good happens after that.

…Nor should you peek into the records of financial contributions to see what each family in the church is giving.

As we say, the number of similar no-no’s must run into the hundreds.  But here are three which might not immediately come to mind, ministry activities which pastors should not do…

1) A pastor cannot effectively teach that the members should submit to him.

It is true that Hebrews13:17 instructs the members to submit to church leadership (as well as announcing that the ministers will be giving account for those same members, a scary thought).

However, the pastor may not be able to preach this very well and certainly won’t be the one to enforce it.

For him to call the congregation to such submission appears self-serving and heavy-handed. The enemy loves to turn such instructions into weapons to be wielded against him. (And, let us admit that some pastors do love to lord it over their congregations and will wield scripture as a weapon to keep the membership in line. The Apostle Peter addresses this preacher-problem in I Peter 5:3.)

In teaching principles of submission-to-leadership a pastor can do several things–

1) He can teach general principles of submission, such as Ephesians 5:21 which calls for all of the Lord’s children to submit to the other, principles of humility, such as we have in  Romans 12:3 and Philippians 2:3, and principles of servanthood, such as are found in John 13:1ff and Luke 17:7-10.

2) And he can model the same principles of submission to the members (and other leaders), humility, and servanthood.  People do not mind humbling themselves before someone who loves them dearly and is devoted to them.

3) He can teach principles of leadership and submission to his mature leadership, perhaps the Sunday School teachers, in quiet informal settings where they are invited to respond with their own questions and insights.  Then, these teachers can teach others. (see Second Timothy 2:2)

4) He can invite in visiting teachers (often a professor whom he knows well and has been mentored by) to cover some of these areas as one part of a larger teaching assignment.

2) A pastor cannot deal with his attackers in the congregation without making matters worse.

Someone is upset at the preacher for something he did or did not do, something they wrongly perceive him as doing or not doing, something they heard, or something they think they know.  They are spreading the infection to friends and family. This cannot go on and must be dealt with.

The question is how to deal with it. Who is the best trouble-shooter in the church? My answer: Whoever it is, it ain’t the pastor.  In fact, sometimes he is the last one who should stand up and deal with these slanderers.

The pastor has several weaknesses which make him the worst candidate for the position of Church Troubleshooter:  a) Pastors will generally let the attacks go on too long before finally deciding to act. They wait for the Lord, the leadership, or circumstances to deal with the troublemakers, and when it seems that is not going to happen, finally, with no other recourse, they do it themselves. By then, the problems have spread beyond his ability to fix it.  b) Since he is the target of the attack, anything the preacher says or does will seem self-serving to some; c) Would-be rulers can work to get the pastor fired, which makes him vulnerable and frequently hesitant. However, they cannot fire another layperson. This gives the deacons and other leaders a greater freedom in approaching the troublemaker. It also demands that those leaders be people of great courage, willing to confront any person in the church for the greater good of the Lord’s ministry.

The best ones to confront those attacking (or slandering) the pastor are the half-dozen people generally conceded to be the finest and godliest men and women in the church.  In most cases, this would include (but not be limited to) the deacons or elders. The one person who should stay away from this issue is anyone who loves a good fight. We’re looking for the Christlike here, the peacemakers.

On this blog, we have spoken numerous times to how they should approach the troublemaker. In essence, two or three should make a personal visit to the source of the trouble, and humbly ask, “What’s going on?” The individual will act innocent and claim nothing is going on, want to know what you mean, and so forth. The group answers, “We understand you are unhappy with the pastor.”  Then, they are quiet, but hear him out. They are to listen intently.  It may be the troublemaker has a point and they can promise to look into the matter. But if not, they should quietly but firmly inform him or her that “This has to stop.  We are asking you to let this go no further.”

If it becomes necessary to visit this individual again, the second time they should take their spouses. Something about both men and women being in the group increases its impact. This time, they extend loving care to the attackers and call them to repentance and insist on a cease-fire immediately.  At each stage, they are in touch with the pastor, making sure he knows of the conversations and details. Nothing the group does or says should ever be in confidence; everything that happens in their visits with the attacker should be told to the pastor and is subject to being repeated later before a larger forum if it becomes necessary. (This group should not be a party to the anonymous sniping of some in the church. Infections must be laid open to sunlight if healing is to occur.)

Invariably, someone will respond to ask, “What if the pastor is the troublemaker?” Same thing. Two or three leaders must visit him, but only after prayer and fasting and with their spouses praying back at home.  If a second visit is necessary, twice the number (both men and women) should make up the group. Prayer and fasting should be a part of all this.

3) Pastors must never use personal illustrations that put him in a glorious light. 

I’m not sure why this is true. But it is.

Let the preacher tell a story of someone or something challenging him and how he faced up to the matter and became a hero, and the audience sits there in silence, confused as to what to make of this.

However, let the preacher tell of the time he tried to fix the plumbing problem and made matters worse before calling in a professional, the time he filled in for the coach and his team lost by 28 runs, or the time he got up the courage to ask the prettiest girl in school for a date and embarrassed himself, and the audience is completely with him.

When the great Apostle Paul began giving his credentials for apostleship, he preceded the presentation by saying, “I speak as a fool” (he does this several times Second Corinthians chapter 11). He is embarrassed to be showing off his resume.’ In fact, in Philippians 3, after listing his accomplishments, he proceeds to trash the whole business. There is a lesson here.

Likewise, the pastor cannot brag about his family from the pulpit in this way without paying a price. Tell how his daughter won a beauty contest or the valedictorian’s slot or a scholarship and some in the congregation will squirm.  Tell how his wife has just received her Ph.D. or been named “teacher of the year” and it appears as bragging.

Not that these things cannot be said in church. But it’s best if someone else does them.  Even better, if no one mentions them at all from the pulpit and people find out by word of mouth, the pastor’s family becomes heroes to the congregation.

Don’t ask me why this is; but it is.

Examples from the pastor’s own life are best when he has failed at something and learned a valuable lesson.  Examples from his family are best when they show lessons learned the hard way, with humor if possible, and with the full support of the entire family. (No pastor should ever use a story of his wife and children without their complete agreement.)

My wife wants me to emphasize we are not saying the pastor cannot mention his family from the pulpit. “You get the impression some pastors don’t even have a family,” she says.  Okay, point well taken.

God bless you, pastor.  I’m through here. (smiley-face goes here)