What every pastor’s wife–and one in particular–wishes to say to the deacons

Every pastor’s wife I know would like to say to the good and faithful deacons:

“Thank you.”

“Thank you for loving the Lord, for loving this church, and for loving your pastor and his family.”

“Thank you for praying for us, for being in your place of service on Sunday, and for taking care of the members during the week.”

“Thank you for your servant heart and for not seeing yourself as my husband’s boss, only as his support and helper.”

“We are richer and the work is better because you are faithful.”

Sadly, all spouses of pastors cannot say that. But they wish they could

When the wife of a pastor friend suggested an article on “What preachers’ wives would like to say to the deacons,” I said, “Write me what you would tell them,” and I’ll see what I can do.

Here it is–her list, completely untouched, just as it arrived a few minutes ago.

Thirteen things one pastor’s wife would like to say to the deacons….

1. If the church expects the pastor to prepare a Sunday night and Wednesday night Bible study, BE THERE!

2. My husband just poured himself out preaching God’s message to you while you sat in your seat! Stick around and see if anyone needs a ride home or has a ministry need!

3. After the service is over and everyone has left, make sure the lights
are off and lock up! The pastor is physically and emotionally exhausted,
and HE is hungry too!

4. Please do not go to my husband with church problems before the service; YOU deal with them!

5. If you think the pastor should initiate a church wide visitation program
taking him away from his family on another night of the week, at least show up once or twice!

6. Work on your spiritual walk enough so that when you are called on to
pray publicly, we don’t already know what you will say almost word for

7. Pray for my husband often!

8. Ask my husband about his needs: physical, spiritual, emotional, AND
financial. Minister to the Pastor’s family. Burnout is a killer!

9. Step up to lead a Bible study occasionally.

10. Ask the pastor if there is some non-ministry task he deals with that
you could help him with.

11. You were not called to sit! You were called to serve! That means daily, not just on communion Sunday!

12. Pray for my husband before the service, and tell him you are! Better
yet, pray OVER him before he preaches!

13. My family has been here only a few years and knows everyone’s name. You’ve been here all your life! Walk around and greet people at church. Get to know their names!

The wife of another minister who saw what she was doing, added these two….

1. If asked to help in a simple way by perhaps leading the welcome and
announcements, do so with a willing heart ??? so the pastor’s wife
doesn’t have to.

2. Also- as a deacon, you aren’t the pastor’s police—ready to give him a
ticket for misconduct; you are his secret service, standing beside him to
support protect and encourage him at all times!

Those are great, and I find nothing objectionable about them.  Now–here’s the deal.  If the wife of a deacon wishes to response to this and write me on “What the deacons’ wives wish they could say to the pastor,” let’s have it.  Email me at joe@joemckeever.com.  Thanks!!

3 thoughts on “What every pastor’s wife–and one in particular–wishes to say to the deacons

  1. I think these comments would be relevant to elders too, along with 1. Always have a sermon ready to preach in case the pastor is unwell. 2. Don’t look at each other waiting for someone else to volunteer 3. Communicate with the Pastor, the information you hold should not be used for a power trip

  2. Just what I needed to read. Hurting after another famous “church meeting” I can’t take much more as the wife and the mother who just wants to go to church and worship God with other believers like everyone else. I think…I am starting to wonder why people go to church but to hurt the pastor. The members were completely out of order and ot of line and the minister and deacons were not supporting the Pastor or even the Bible, but they were turning it into an episode of Jerry Springer! No wonder people are leaving the churches with the drama

    • I grieve at this, Katrina. And I hope you have some people–someone!–standing by you and your husband. Otherwise, it can get mighty lonesome.

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