Your own personal parable

We have all had defining stories happen in our families and our personal lives that would make great teaching parables. They are interesting stories in themselves but they also serve as vehicles which we can load with spiritual truths and deliver to our people.

Most congregations might enjoy this kind of a diversion in your preaching. (But, everything inside me cries, “Don’t overdo it!!!”)

By the way.  We generally think of “parables” as stories made up to convey a point.  What I’m talking about here–and which I’m calling your own personal parables–are true stories.  Might need to find a different term for them. Anyway….

Here are three examples–

One.  Eugene Peterson, in his book on the Psalms, “A Long Obedience in the Same Direction,” gives one of his own parables.

He begins, “An incident took place a few years ago that has acquired the force of a parable for me.”

Peterson was in a hospital room, recovering from minor surgery on his nose which had been broken years earlier in a basketball game. The pain was great and he was in no mood for fellowship.

The young man in the next bed wanted to chat. Peterson brushed him off–his name was Kelly–but overheard him telling his visitors that evening that “the fellow in the next bed is a prizefighter. He got his nose broken in a championship fight.” Kelly proceeded to embellish it beyond that.

Later, after the company had left, Peterson told him what had actually happened and they got acquainted. When Kelly found out he was a pastor, he wanted nothing more to do with him and turned away.

The next morning, Kelly shook Peterson awake. His tonsillectomy was about to take place and he was panicking. “I want you to pray for me!” He did, and they wheeled him to surgery.

After he returned from surgery, Kelly kept ringing for the nurse. “I hurt. I can’t stand it. I’m going to die.”

“Peterson!” he kept calling, “Pray for me. Can’t you see I’m dying? Pray for me.”

The staff held him down and quietened him and after a while all was well.

Peterson writes, “When the man was scared, he wanted me to pray for him, and when the man was crazy he wanted me to pray for him, but in between, during the hours of so-called normalcy, he didn’t want anything to do with a pastor. What Kelly betrayed ‘in extremis’ is all many people know of religion: a religion to help them with their fears but that is forgotten when the fears are taken care of….”

Here’s a second parable. John Ortberg tells this in his book “The Life You’ve Always Wanted.”

Tony Campolo was about to speak at a Pentecostal college chapel service. Eight men from the school took him into an off room to pray for him. They knelt around him, laid hands upon him, and began besieging heaven.

That was good, except they prayed a long time. And as prayed, they grew tired. And as they tired, they began to lean more and more on Campolo. Eventually, he was bearing the weight of all eight of them!

To add insult to injury, one guy was not even praying for Tony.

He was interceding for somebody named Charlie Stoltzfus. “Dear Lord, you know Charlie Stoltzfus. He lives in that silver trailer down the road a mile. You know the trailer, Lord, just down the road on the right hand side.”

Tony thought about informing the guy that the Lord did not need directions to find Charlie Stoltzfus.

“Lord,” the man continued, “this morning Charlie told me he’s going to leave his wife and three kids. Step in and do something, God. Bring that family back together.”

Finally the prayers ended, Tony was able to stand to his feet, they had the chapel service, and he got in his car to drive home. Just as he was merging onto the Pennsylvania Turnpike, he noticed a hitchhiker on the side of the road and decided to give him a ride.

As they rode along, Tony introduced himself. The man stuck out his hand and said, “My name is Charlie Stoltzfus.”

Tony could not believe his ears.

At the next exit, Tony left the interstate and turned the car around. As they returned to the interstate, Charlie said, “Hey mister–where are you taking me?”

Tony said, “I’m taking you home.”

He said, “Why?”

Campolo said, “Because you just left your wife and three kids, right?”

The man was stunned. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I did.”

He moved over against the door and never took his eyes off Campolo.

Then, when Tony drove the car right into the guy’s yard, that really did it.

His eyes bulged out. He said, “How did you know I live here?”

“The Lord told me.” (He did, Tony insists, but not the way the guy thought.)

The trailer door threw open and Charlie’s wife ran out. “You’re back! You’re back!”

Charlie whispered in her ear what had happened. The more he talked, the bigger her eyes got.

Campolo relates this story and adds, “Then I said with real authority, ‘The two of you sit down. I’m going to talk and you two are going to listen!’ And man, did they listen!”

That afternoon, he led those two young people to the Lord.

That’s a story, a real one, and a parable from which Tony Campolo draws all kinds of spiritual lessons.

What’s your parable?

Your parable is a story that has happened to you. It’s yours and no one else’s. You tell it better than anyone on earth. You are the authority on it.

Third.  Our family has a parable of our own, one we call the banana story.

I must have been 9 years old. Mom was seriously ill in the hospital in Beckley, West Virginia, and our coal miner Dad was left to look after the six children ranging in ages from 5 to 14. That Saturday morning, he had shopped for groceries at the company store, then took Glenn, the 13 year old, with him to visit Mom at the hospital.

That morning, Dad had bought a dozen bananas and left them atop the refrigerator. When he returned from the hospital, there was not a banana in the house. Dad was furious.

He called the five of us children in for an accounting.

For all but one of us, this was the first we had heard of the missing bananas. Obviously one had eaten them, but it wasn’t me and I was pretty sure it was not my sisters, Patricia 11, and Carolyn, 7. That left the 5 year old, Charlie, and the 14 year old, Ronnie.

It did not take a Sherlock Holmes to conclude Ronnie was the culprit. But why Pop did not figure this out, we never knew.

Dad announced that if the guilty party did not step forward, he was going to whip all five of us. And when he gave a whipping, it was a milestone in your life, something you would never forget.

Dad’s weapon of choice was the mining belt, some four inches wide and a half-inch think. It left a red path across your body.

The younger children started crying immediately. But Dad had no compassion. That day, he whipped all five of us.

He never did find out who had eaten the bananas.

Well, not for many years. From time to time, after we were grown and would all be together, someone would bring up the case of the purloined bananas. Finally, we must have been in our 30s, Ronnie owned up to it.

“A friend and I had come in and we saw those bananas,” he said. They ate one each, then another, and pretty soon there were none left. “I was going to admit it until I saw how mad Pop was.”

He said, “I figured better to spread the whipping out among five than take all of it on myself.”

No one agreed with that judgment, you will not be surprised to know.

Before making the application–all parables must have appropriate applications and lessons, otherwise they’re meaningless stories–let me point out that our Dad mellowed over the years and developed far more compassion than he showed that day. My assessment is that he was under enormous stress. Mom was not far from the point of death, we were to find out later, and his fear had to be incredible.

My dad was a conservative in a hundred ways. A conservative would rather punish four innocent people than let one guilty go free. A liberal, on the other hand, would rather allow four guilty to go free than punish one innocent person.

That’s my application of that story, and when I’ve used it in a sermon, it was as an introduction to preaching about liberals and conservatives (the Sadducees and Pharisees in the New Testament).

Of course, our brother Ron, a Baptist preacher in Birmingham, had forever stigmatized himself by that banana incident. When he turned 70, we all met him and his wife Dorothy at a Birmingham restaurant. As we walked in, each one of us was carrying a dozen bananas. He takes it in good humor and we all laugh at it now.

What’s your story, your parable?  If you cannot think of one, ask your siblings, your children, your spouse.  Because every family has them.

What to do when the pastor needs a time-out

A friend was in a conference at her church in which various leaders were sitting around haggling over some issue. When one of the guys grew a little irritable, his wife said, “All right, Bobby. You’re in time out!”

The wife is a kindergarten teacher.

Pretty good idea, I think. Someone crosses the line and begins behaving badly, and we put them in time out. Maybe like hockey’s penalty box.

A pastor sent me a note, asking for my (ahem) famous instant assessment on his situation. He’s losing his passion for his ministry even though he knows he’s in the right place and there is nowhere he’d rather be. His sermon preparation is uninspired and much of the work of the ministry is drudgery to him.

I said, “This is a no-brainer. You are fatigued. You need rest.”

He did not argue, but started telling why his church was not going to allow him time away.

What would you think was the major reason the church will not grant him some quality time off? Answer: He’s bi-vocational.

What that means is that in addition to pastoring the church, he also holds down a full-time job in the secular world. So, to the congregation–this is him talking now–he’s part-time at the church. And what could possibly be stressful about a part-time job?

Faulty reasoning. Seriously faulty. His full-time employment carries a full quota of stress and pressure. As for the church job, there is no such thing as a part-time pastor. You are always the pastor and always on call. The work is never far from your mind. Your sermons are always incubating inside you, whether you’re having lunch at your desk or driving to the office. Church members rightfully feel if they need you, day or night, they can call.

Try telling them, “I’m not on duty right now. I’m part time.”

The fatigued pastor needs some time out.

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Ten biblical truths you might not want to hear

From the beginning, the Lord’s people talk a better game than we live.

So many biblical truths look good on paper and sound great when we’re spouting them.  And yet, judging by the way we live, the Lord’s people probably do not believe the following…

One.  God sends the pastor to the church. 

Churches survey their congregation to find the kind of pastor everyone wants in the next guy.  People lobby for a candidate they like and rally against one they don’t.  And they vote on the recommendation of their committee.  And after he arrives, when some turn against him, they send him on his way.

Do we really believe God sends pastors to churches?  They are God’s undershepherds (see I Peter 5:1-4) and appointed by the Holy Spirit as overseers of the church (Acts 20:28).

Two.  God hears our prayers, cares for our needs, and answers our prayers.

In the typical congregation, what percentage of the people are serious about their prayer life?

If we believed that God hears, cares, and answers, we would be praying over every detail of our lives.  “Pray without ceasing” (I Thessalonians 5:17) would define our very existence.

Three. It is more blessed to give than to receive.

God wants His people to be givers, generous in every area of life.  As a member of the church, He wants us to be sacrificial givers.  (See I Corinthians 8:1ff).

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Other preachers’ families are amazingly much like yours

“They made life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah” (Genesis 26:35).

No marriage is perfect.

The union of two godly well-intentioned disciples of Jesus Christ does not guarantee a successful marriage.

And even the successful ones–however we would define that!–in almost every case had their ups and downs.

So, if you’ve been feeling like a failure because a) your husband spends more time at the church than at home, b) your wife isn’t nearly the cook or housekeeper your mom was, c) you and your spouse argue, d) you have each lost your temper and said/done some things you regretted later, or e) all of the above, then….

Welcome to the human race.

I’ve been reading William J. Petersen’s book 25 Surprising Marriages: Faith-building Stories from the Lives of Famous Christians.

Petersen has written chapters on the marriages of people like Martin and Katie Luther, of C. S. and Joy Lewis, and of Billy and Nell Sunday.  He writes about Charles and Susie Spurgeon, Dwight and Emma Moody, John and Molly Wesley, and Billy and Ruth Graham.  He has chapters titled “Grace Livingston Hill and her two husbands,” and “John Bunyan and his two wives.”

He could well have included a chapter on Elisabeth Elliot and her three husbands, but didn’t.

As a minister, I find myself wishing we had discovered this wonderful volume (written in 1997) back when Margaret and I were in the thick of pastoring and she was chafing under the demands of the ministry, the expectations of the church members, and the absenteeism and/or distraction of her husband.

On occasion, I tell young pastors’ wives that they have so much in common with one another, even across denominational lines.  The wife of the Church of God pastor, the wife of the Holiness pastor, the wife of the Presbyterian pastor, the wife of the Christian Church pastor, and the wife of the Southern Baptist pastor–to name a few–all fight the same battles.

What battles?

I’m glad you asked.  See if any of this sounds familiar….

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The Lord told you church would have its hardships. What–you didn’t believe Him?

“In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

We were expecting hostility from the world.  But certainly not from the Lord’s people.

Church is where we get blindsided.

The Lord wanted His people to know what to expect.  The road ahead would be rough.  They should prepare for turbulence.

The Lord would not be bringing His children around the storms but through them.  We will not miss out on the tempest, but will ride it out with Jesus in our boat, sometimes standing at the helm and at other times, seemingly asleep and unconcerned.

The lengthy passage of Matthew 10:16-42 is the holy grail on this subject, as the Lord instructs His children on what lies ahead and what to expect.  His disciples should expect to encounter opposition, persecution, slander, defamation, and for some, even death.  So, when it comes–as it does daily to millions of His children throughout the world–no one can say they weren’t warned.

But what about the church?  Should we expect opposition and persecution there also?

Jesus said, “they will scourge you in their synagogues” (10:17), which is where the faithful were meeting to worship.

He said members of our own households–parents, siblings, offspring–would lead the opposition at times. They will “cause them to be put to death” (10:21).

He doesn’t specifically say “the church,” but surely all of the above includes it.  And that’s where the typical believer runs into a buzzsaw.

Church is where we get blindsided.

We knew opposition would come from the world.  Scripture makes this plain.  But in the church?

A pastor told me his daughter no longer goes to a church of his denomination. After seeing how leaders of his congregation treated her father and then lied about it, she wants no part of this any longer.  The wonder is that she goes to church at all.  Many PKs grow up and write the church off.  “I love Jesus,” they will tell you, “but not the church.”

I grieve at this.  But I understand it.

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Scars on the pastor: It’s an occupational hazard

From now on let no one cause trouble for me, for I bear on my body the brand-marks of Jesus” (Galatians 6:17).

“…I bear branded on my body the owner’s stamp of the Lord Jesus” –the Moffett translation.

“…I bear on my body the scars that mark me as a slave of Jesus” –Goodspeed.

At Mississippi State University, the Kenyan student carried horizontal scars across his face.  “Identification marks for my tribe,” he explained to me.  Wow.  Tough clan.

We were returning from the cemetery in the mortuary’s station wagon.  The director and I were chatting and perhaps could have been more observant.  We did not notice the pickup truck coming from our right and running the stop sign at 30 or 40 mph. We broadsided the truck.

My forehead broke the dashboard.

I bled and bled.  And got a ride to the hospital in the EMS van.

The emergency room people decided I had suffered no serious injuries and taped up the two gashes in my face.  At the wedding rehearsal that night, I sported a large white bandage on my forehead, just above the eyebrows. It made for some memorable wedding photos the next day.

That happened over forty years ago and I still carry the scars.  Interestingly, no one notices that they’re scars. They’re situated in the same place one might have frown marks.  But if you look closely, you can see they are scars.

I would not have those scars if I were not a minister.

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If you enter the ministry, bring a healthy curiosity!

I came by it honestly. My dad, a coal miner with a 7th grade education, was interested in everything. He read and learned and talked to us of all kinds of subjects.

In college, I changed my major from physics to history because the professors in the science building were focusing more and more on tinier and tinier segments of the universe. But history deals with it all, every person who ever lived, every civilization, every lesson learned. Nothing is off limits to history.

That did it for me.

I’m reflecting on a life-changing week I enjoyed. On a Monday afternoon, I was among a busload of preachers and spouses from across Europe who spent several hours touring the ruins of Pompeii, the Italian city devastated by the eruption of Vesuvius in August of A.D. 79. It was truly unforgettable. So much so, that….

After my arrival home in New Orleans 36 hours later, I was in our public library reading up on Pompeii. I checked out a Robert Harris novel Pompeii, and finished it the next night. (Note: I recommend anything Mr. Harris writes. The best historical novelist ever.)

I felt like I had been living in Pompeii that week.

I returned to the library and checked out everything I could find on Pompeii.

Okay.  The question is…

Why? Of what possible use is this in my ministry?

Answer: I have no idea. Maybe no use at all, maybe a lot.

A strong curiosity is a wonderful thing for any Christian to have, but particularly preachers. Why?

Well, several reasons….

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Solitary conceit: “I can do this by myself! I don’t need help.” (Famous last words)

C. S. Lewis was fielding questions from his audience. Someone asked how important church attendance and membership are to living a successful Christian life. From his book “God in the Dock,” his answer:

My own experience is that when I first became a Christian, about 14 years ago, I thought that I could do it on my own, by retiring to my rooms and reading theology, and I wouldn’t go to the churches and Gospel Halls; and then later I found that it was the only way of flying your flag; and of course, I found this meant being a target.

It is extraordinary how inconvenient to your family it becomes for you to get up early to go to church. It doesn’t matter so much if you get up early for anything else, but if you get up early to go to church it’s very selfish of you and you upset the house.

If there is anything in the teaching of the New Testament which is in the nature of a command, it is that you are obliged to take the Sacrament (John 6:53-54), and you can’t do it without going to church. I disliked very much their hymns, which I considered to be fifth-rate poems set to sixth-rate music. But as I went on I saw the great merit of it.

I came up against different people of quite different outlooks and different education, and then gradually my conceit just began peeling off. I realized that the hymns (which were just sixth-rate music) were, nevertheless, being sung with devotion and benefit by an old saint in elastic-side boots in the opposite pew, and then you realize that you aren’t worthy to clean those boots.

It gets you out of your solitary conceit. It is not for me to lay down laws, as I am only a layman, and I don’t know much.

Yeah, right. C. S. Lewis doesn’t know much. Oh, that I knew as little as he.

Solitary conceit. That one has snagged my attention and will not turn me loose. I see it in Christians who stand aloof from church attendance, in pastors who will not associate with other ministers, and in myself.

The Christian who stands aloof from identifying with a specific church suffers from solitary conceit.

“The churches today just don’t meet my need.” “They aren’t as warm and welcoming as churches ought to be.” “I find I can worship better at home with my Bible sitting in front of a blazing fire in the fireplace with a cup of spice tea at hand.”

Then you are smarter than God.

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No place for Crybabies: The pastorate

It comes as a surprise to few people that pastoring a church can be extremely hard work. Rewarding, yes. Fulfilling, challenging, and blessed. But there are times when it taxes the child of God to the core of his being, when it tests his sanity, and drives him to question everything he ever believed about the faith he is proclaiming and the people he is serving.

Only the strong need apply.

They used to say that only the hardiest of stock settled the early American west. “The cowards never started and the weak died along the way.”

There’s something about that which fits the ministry.

Watching a football game on television, I noticed the quarterback had an ankle injury.  Yet, he was making every effort to play on in spite of it. The commentators were impressed: Isn’t Big Ben great! He doesn’t give in to a little injury. He knows how to play hurt!

Playing hurt.

I’ve played hurt. You too, pastor? In fact, every pastor who stays in the Lord’s work for any period of time sooner or later will “play hurt.” He will have a serious burden or strong opposition or major trial or some kind of massive handicap which would destroy a lesser individual (“a career-ending injury” it’s called in sports), but he still stands in the pulpit preaching, still goes to the office, still leads the congregation.

I hear from pastors and/or their wives with similar stories of great upheavals in their ministries. A recent letter said, “I perceive that you too have had troubles and trials in your life. That’s why I decided to write you.”

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Broken Pastor, Broken Church

This is our account of the most difficult three years in our lives, as we pastored a divided church in North Carolina. The article ran in the Winter 2001 issue of “Leadership Journal,” a publication of Christianity Today.  At the conclusion, check out the postscripts.

How could I lead a congregation that was as hurt as I was?

My calendar for the summer and beyond was blank. I usually planned my preaching schedule for a full year, but beyond the second Sunday in June–nothing. I had no ideas. I sensed no leading from the Spirit. But it was only January, so I decided to try again in a couple of months. Again, nothing. By then, I suspected the Lord was up to something.

A member of my church had told me the year before, “Don’t die in this town.” I knew what she meant. She didn’t envision Columbus as the peak of my ministry. Columbus was a county-seat town with three universities nearby, and, for Mississippi, cosmopolitan. I felt Columbus, First Baptist, and I were a good match. The church grew. We were comfortable together. My family was settled. Our sons and daughter had completed most of their schooling, and after twelve years, they called Columbus home. My wife, Margaret, and I had weathered a few squalls, but life was good–a little quiet, perhaps even stagnant, but good.

And suddenly I could hear the clock ticking. Did God have something more for me?

First Baptist Church of Charlotte, North Carolina, called in March. I ended my ministry at Columbus the second Sunday of June and began in Charlotte one month later.

After I’d been in Charlotte about a month, the man who chaired their search committee phoned. “I have some people I want you to talk with,” he told me. He picked me up and drove me to the impressive home of one of our members. In the living room were a dozen men, all leaders in the church and in the city. Another man appeared in charge.

“We want to offer you some guidance in pastoring the church,” he said. “There are several issues we feel are important, and we want you to know where we stand.” He outlined their position on the battle between conservatives and moderates for control of our denomination and on the role of women in the church. He wanted women elected as deacons, one item in a full slate of changes he wanted made at the church.

Charlotte’s web

I was beginning to see what I had been told: a handful of very strong lay people had called the shots for more than two decades, and this was part of their plan.

My immediate predecessor had run afoul of this little group and after three tough years had moved to another church of his own accord. The pastor before him had stayed over 20 years.

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