Why we need a little conflict in our lives

“Where there’s no friction, there’s no traction!”  –Overheard from an elderly Baptist preacher in North Carolina 30 years ago

Tim Patterson, executive of Michigan Baptists, had a great insight about catfish and codfish, who are natural enemies, that fits here…

In the northeastern part of our country, codfish is a big deal. However, shippers discovered that freezing the fish to ship destroyed the flavor.  So, they tried shipping them alive in tanks of seawater.  In addition to that being too expensive, for some reason the cod still lost their flavor and arrived soft and mushy.  Something had to be done.

Eventually, someone hit on a solution. After the codfish were placed in the seawater tanks, one more thing was added:  catfish.  Their natural enemies.

“From the time the cod left the East Coast until they arrived at their destinations, those ornery catfish chased the cod all over the tank…. When they arrived at the market, the cod were as fresh as the day they were caught.  There was no loss of flavor and the texture was possibly better than before.”

There’s a lesson there.

All sunshine makes a desert, the American Indians used to say.  We need the rain and the occasional storm.

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Pastors: What not to do regarding search committees

We’ve written on this website regarding pastor search committees and how they should be approached by alert pastors.  Perhaps it’s time to say a word on what not to do regarding these church leaders determined to find a new leader for their congregation no matter how many bruised and bleeding ministers they have to leave in their wake.

Just to be safe, you may wish to go ahead and plant your tongue firmly in your cheek.  While the subject is serious, my treatment of it will be only partially so.

Okay. Pastor, you’ve been invited to meet with the search committee from the First Church of Butterfly City, and you’re plenty excited.

You’ve been at your present church a number of years now and have about run out of ideas, patience, and life-savings.  A change would not only be good, it might save your life, your ministry, your marriage or all three.   In fact, your wife might start believing in God once more if you told her He was transferring you to a new church.

Now, pastor, simmer down.  Do not let yourself become too excited….

First, pastor, you must not assume anything.

–Do not assume the Butterfly committee has done its background checks.  It’s completely possible they may begin tonight’s meeting with, “And who are you again? And where are you serving?”  Assume they know very little about you.

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When the pastor search committee asks a killer question

Josh Woo, a friend from my last pastorate, is a veteran of game shows and quiz programs. When Josh was 11, he was a contestant on Jeopardy.  As a student at the University of Southern California, he hosted his own television program on the campus station.  At one point, Josh was a contestant on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” In between, he’s done the Wheel and several other shows.

The question that tripped him up on “Millionaire” went something like this: “At 7’7″, So-and-so is the tallest player in the NBA.  But he is slightly shorter than what portion of the Statue of Liberty?”  The choices were her right arm, her eye, the tablet she is holding, and her finger.  Using his final lifeline, Josh asked a buddy to help him, and they missed it.  Anyway….

Josh said veteran contestants (like himself) have a name for that kind of question, but perhaps he shouldn’t tell his pastor.  I said, “Come on. Give.”

“We call that a Go To Hell question.”

“A ‘Go To Hell’ Question,” he explained, “is one relying on such fine detail that no reasonable person should be expected to know it.”

Ah yes.  Who among us is not familiar with such.

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The pastor is bragging on himself…just a little.

I write this mostly tongue in cheek.

Try not to appear to be bragging, pastor.  It’s unbecoming to you.

Having pastored six churches over 42 years and having preached for over 55 years, I know that what I am doing or thinking, fearing or dreading, anticipating or remembering will often work themselves into my preaching.

In fact, it seems to require the strength of Samson to keep these things out of our sermons….

–If a pastor jogs or works out, it is impossible for him not to work that into a sermon at least monthly.  “As I was jogging yesterday morning, I’d just completed my third mile….”

–If a pastor’s child has excelled in athletics or the band or in the classroom, he will find a way to allude to that in a sermon.  It’s what a proud dad does.  “My wife and I are so proud of Jayson who has just received ‘student of the month’ award for the third time.  We were telling our daughter who is working on a Master’s at Johns Hopkins..”

–If the pastor once took a course in Greek and can find his way around a Greek lexicon, he will find it impossible not to mention that in a sermon, “When I was studying Greek” or “My Greek Bible says…”  I say this to our embarrassment.  If a real Greek scholar ever entered the service and challenged us, we would be mortified.

–If a pastor reads through the Bible annually–or has just done it the first time–not saying so in a sermon is asking more than he is able to give.  He just has to say so. “As you know, I read through the Bible annually–and have done so for the last 13 years.”

–If the pastor is an avid golfer or a die-hard for some university’s football team, look for it to show up in sermons from time to time.  He can no more keep that a secret than he can his commitment to Jesus Christ.  “Well, I did it! I hit a hole in one last Tuesday.”  He waits for the congregation to applaud.  Half the people turn to the other half as if to say, “What does that mean?”

–If a pastor owns a doctor’s degree, especially a recent one, it is humanly impossible for him to avoid the occasional reference to “When I was working on my doctorate” or “When I received my doctorate.”  See the notes below, please.

–If a pastor has memorized large portions of Scripture, not only must he let you know it one way or the other, but he will find ways to demonstrate his skill in memorization.  I’m not saying that’s bad, just that this is going to happen.

–If the pastor once had a first-rate high-profile celebrity in his congregation or once met the President of the United States, he will be mentioning it from time to time.  It’s just who he is.

–If the pastor has a long prayer list and spends much time in prayer, the pastor who cannot make a reference to all the time he spends in prayer is a rarity indeed. “One morning recently, my phone rang at 4 am, interrupting me at my time of prayer.  That’s a practice I started in seminary and have tried to keep ever since.”  (Not me. but that’s how it comes across.)

–If the pastor has written a book, he will find a way to mention it.  “When I wrote my book” or “When I was writing my book, my publisher said…” Note that it’s not “the publisher,” but “my publisher,” as though he had his own personal representative in the work of book-making.

Why do pastors do that? 

Human nature, I suppose.

Each of these is an accomplishment out of the ordinary, and we are more than a little pleased with ourselves as a result.

Is our insecurity on display?  Does the pastor’s low self-esteem get a boost when he says, “I once did a wedding attended by movie star Sandra Bullock”?  Probably. We all like to impress.  When I tell that, after a suitable moment for the listener to absorb it, I add, “Miss Bullock was10 years old at the time.  It was her aunt’s wedding, and I never met her.  A cousin told me 20 years later.”  And we all have a good laugh.

One thing for sure.  We preachers have no idea how it sounds when we keep reminding the people that we are just a cut above the ordinary with our doctorates, our association with celebrities, and our health-consciousness.  That’s what drives this blog today, to say we should be discerning about these things.

Well, aren’t all those things good?

I suppose they are.  Pastors are as human as anyone else, and if we give them a bragging reason, you can expect them to drop it into the sermons.  I’m not saying it’s sinful or cause for great embarrassment.

What it is, is a little idiosyncrasy which we preachers would do well to drop. It’s a distraction from our message and provokes a needless reaction in some who sit before us.

Take that doctorate business.  How much better for people to find out accidentally that the preacher owns one of those things than for him to wear it too prominently.  I knew a pastor who had his name–Dr. Pete Nunn— in bold letters on his mailbox.  And his was honorary doctorate, not earned.

The rule of thumb is a good one to remember: “The cheaper the doctorate, the more gaudily the owner wears it.”

Is there a way to say these things from the pulpit and not seem to brag?

Probably not.  But if it’s worth the price–that is, if bragging on your kid is that important to you, even though you know not everyone will appreciate your doing it–then go for it, I reckon.

Here’s what I try to do: Blend humor with a plain-out admission that I’m name-dropping.

From time to time, as I preach in different churches or church banquets–I’m retired and go where I’m invited–I will say, “I hate name-droppers….as I once said to Billy Graham.”  They laugh, and I proceed to tell my story about the great evangelist.

In doing banquets, I’ll sometimes tell the audience, “Now, I have a story about Jerry Clower, Bear Bryant, and Billy Graham, one which no one else has.  Let me know which you want to hear.”  As my Uncle Ed would say, what’s the point in having a great story about someone if you don’t tell it?

Every golfer will sit up and pay attention when the pastor tells of the time he hit a hole-in-one.  But they’ll love it even more when he tells how he almost hit one.

And they’ll love the reference to reading the Bible through in one year a lot more if you will admit there are some places that put you to sleep and you have to force yourself to slog through them.  (And no, I will not identify such a place in Scripture that does that to me.  I expect it’s different for each of us.)

And they’ll enjoy hearing about your jogging or workout regimen a lot more if you tell how you have to make yourself do it, and then admit that “I don’t enjoy jogging; I enjoy having jogged.”

And if you have a doctorate, preacher…

Try not to wear it too gaudily.  And when telling stories about it, never say “When I was working on my doctorate” or “Back when I was in seminary, working on my masters, not my doctorate.”  That sounds so stuffy, guys.  How about leaving the doctorate out of the discussion unless it’s an integral part.  “I used to have a seminary professor who said…”  Or, “When I was in seminary…”

There is one place on the planet where you will never hear a preacher say, “When I got my doctorate.” And that’s the seminary.  Everybody there has one of those things.  And several have two of them. The President of my seminary–New Orleans Baptist–Dr. Jamie Dew is married to a lady with a doctorate: Dr. Tara Dew.  His predecessor, Dr. Chuck Kelley is also married to a lady with a doctorate, Dr. Rhonda Harrington Kelley.

I seriously doubt whether any of these folks at seminary ever mention “when I got my doctorate.”  (One of my favorite professors, Dr. Ray Frank Robbins, owned two of those things.  Once at a convention, he shared a taxi with two preachers who were chatting about “when I got my doctorate.” Finally, after exhausting the subject, one said to my prof, “So, Ray, where did you get your doctorate?”  The eminent theologian said quietly, “Which one?”)

Best if you let people find out from a third person, or even accidentally, that you are well educated than you being the one to inform them.

Oh, one more thing, preacher.  If you have a doctorate, don’t use it at the front and rear of your name.  You know, like: “Dr. Eminent C. Jones, D. Min.”  One or the other, friend, but not both.

Okay. Enough of this foolishness.

The point is if you can’t make your tiny bit of braggadocio more palatable to the ear, and if you insist on doing it, then go for it.  It’s not that big a deal.

But try not to overdo it.  That stuff gets old real quick.

“Set a guard upon my mouth, O Lord.  Keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3).

The pastor feels under-appreciated. What to do.

Give honor to whom honor is due.  –Romans 13:7

The elders who rule well are to be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who work hard at preaching and teaching.  –I Timothy 5:17

In my denomination October is “Pastor Appreciation Month.” I suspect most of our churches work at observing it. In social media I see where pastor friends are expressing thanks for being recognized and honored.

It’s good to be appreciated.

But what if you aren’t?

What is a pastor to do when the time of appreciation comes and goes without one word of affirmation from his congregation? The denomination suggested everyone show appreciation to pastors and ministers on staff and the silence was deafening.  The anniversary came and went without any recognition from the church.

Should he take the slight personally?  Should he be offended?  Take it as a sign that he should be looking for his next place of service?

A pastor said to me, “Is it all right if I feel hurt?”

I’m perhaps not the right one to answer this, as my pastorates all did a fair job of showing appreciation when it was called for.  One church celebrated my tenth anniversary with a huge dinner at the city auditorium where the featured guests were people from my past who had influenced me–Sunday School teachers, my college president and his wife, classmates.  Then, they presented my wife and me with all-expense paid tickets to the Holy Land.  (I served only one other church more than ten years and don’t recall what they did. But I’m sure they did something.)

To the pastor who called me feeling under-appreciated, there are three points to be made.  I offer them here humbly.

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What to do when the pastor stirs the pot

“….according to my gospel, for which I suffer hardship even to imprisonment as a criminal….”  (2 Timothy 2:9)

Pot-stirring: To take a stand on a controversial issue.  Known colloquially as “opening a can of worms.”  Rocking the boat. Rubbing the old cat’s fur the wrong way.  Upsetting apple carts.

Expect it.

It’s a poor pastor who doesn’t stir the pot from time to time.

They didn’t crucify Jesus for sweet-talking the 23rd Psalm, for explaining the symbolic meaning of items in the Tabernacle, or for spending six months on the Greek verbs.  He took a stand on what matters most, and when people didn’t like it, He held His ground and paid the ultimate price.

I remind pastors if they’re in this line of work for job security, they might want to think again.  Right after reading Matthew 10, beginning at verse 16.

–Beware of men; for they will deliver you up to their courts, and scourge you in their synagogues

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How to recognize God’s voice

“The sheep follow him because they recognize his voice” (John 10:4).

My friend, Pastor James Richardson, now in Heaven, told me his granddaughter Leanne, perhaps six or eight years old, put a great theological question to him.  “Papa,” she said, “How do I know when it’s God speaking to me and when it’s just me speaking to myself?”

James said, “Honey, that’s one of the hardest questions you’ll ever face in this life!”

The problem, says another friend, is that the Lord’s voice sounds a lot like mine.

Maybe for him.  Not for me.

In my experience, God has a tendency to say things I had never thought of, revealing insights new to me, calling me to tasks outside my comfort zone. Not once has He asked if i would “like” to do something or “find something convenient.”. He commands; I obey. It’s what servants do. His way is hardly the obvious, rarely the easiest and never the smoothest, but always the wisest and smartest. My constant prayer is “Not my will but Thine be done.”

I wrote that on Facebook one night. Then, next morning while on my pre-dawn walk, the Lord called it to my mind.

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Thanking God for the pain

One morning, as we were sitting at the breakfast table discussing memories good and bad, Bertha said something so profound that I wrote it down just so I’d get it just right.

We have a wagonload of memories of God’s people who have loved us and cared for us. But we also have painful memories that we wish we could edit out of our lives.  But the Holy Spirit has shown me that if He took out the pain and strife, He would also be removing the lovely things that happened during that same time. Or, that happened as a direct result of the bad event. 

The teacher who scarred a kid 

It brought up a painful memory from my junior high days. I was new in that school, surrounded by a hundred fellow seventh-graders. We had been herded into the gymnasium where the band director, Mr. Keating, was in charge.  He called everyone to order and announced that today we would be electing class officers.

Now, bear in mind that I was new there.  For the previous four years I’d gone to school in rural West Virginia and then we moved back to Alabama in time for my sixth grade in a two-room rural (really really rural!) school.  So, now, junior high and all the kids in our part of the world ride the bus to the county seat of Double Springs, AL for the rest of our schooling.  The junior and senior high classes all met in the same building.

Now, perhaps half of our class had gone to elementary school right there in town. The others of us were from small schools out in the county.  This means only the town kids knew each other.  So, when class officers were nominated, naturally they nominated the people they knew.  As a result, the town kids were raising their hands and nominating one another. Only they were being elected.

So, seeing an injustice–I thought–I raised my hand.

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The room in your house no one knows about

“I’ve got a secret!”  –Popular television game show of the 1960s and 1970s.

A fellow I know wrote of the secrets his family was harboring as they struggled to deal with an addictive, out-of-control relative.

“You know how the family gets ready to host a guest and the house is clean and in order and nothing out of place?  The guest is impressed.  He wishes his house could be this neat and organized with nothing out of place.”

“But what he doesn’t know is that there is one room where you have stored all the junk and clutter.  If he were to open the door to that room, he would be amazed.”

That, he said, is how things are for a family that tries to keep up an image when they are about to come apart.

They push things back into that private room, whose door they dare not open.

It’s about family secrets.

Everyone has them, he said.

One of our deacon families was hosting a gathering of church members.  I was amazed at the lack of clutter.  They ought to see my house, I thought.  But they had no stack of newspapers, no unread or partially read magazines lying around, no pile of books to be donated to the library or returned there.

When I asked our hostess how she did this, she surprised me.

“Brother Joe, there is one room you dare not look into.  That’s where we dumped all the clutter!” And she laughed.

Do we do this with the human heart, I wonder. Have one room that holds all the family trash, all the clutter, all the stuff we dare not show the world?

It is true that everyone has their secrets, things they dare not tell the world. And, I will go so far as to say that’s normal.  It’s even probably healthy.

I do not want to know that you and your spouse had an argument last night.  Neither do I need to know about your private lives, the intimacies (or lack thereof) between you.

Keep it to yourself. It’s all right.

For months, Fran had cared for her ailing husband before death finally claimed him. She was literally worn to a frazzle. Their long marriage had been difficult, but she had been faithful and had kept the family secrets. And now that was all gone.  That’s why she did something highly questionable.

Within hours after the funeral, the widow told her children: “No more secrets.”  What followed was her announcement that she felt strongly that she and a family friend had grown close and would someday marry.  “I wanted you to know,” she said. “I’m so tired of keeping secrets.”

That was one bit of news the family wished she had kept to herself. They were not ready for this and could not handle it.

Some things should be kept secret: What a couple does in the bedroom does not need to be told.  What the husband or wife did before marriage (or before coming to Christ) should be left behind.  If the couple went through counseling and the garbage came out in the safety of the sessions, they should forgive and forget and go forward.

So, let no one who reads this think Joe is calling for complete openness about every detail of our lives.  You do not need to know everything I’ve done and I have no use for that information from you.

But many of us maintain secret rooms in our spiritual houses which need to be cleaned and disinfected and aired out.  We’re talking about repentance of sin, and healing and a new holiness.

A bizarre little incident took place in the days when Nehemiah was leading God’s people to rebuild the walls around Jerusalem.  Throughout their long, hard ordeal, the Israelites were harassed and undermined by their pagan neighbors, led by a wicked trio known as Sanballat the Samarian, Tobiah the Ammonite, and Geshem the Arab.  (These brutes are active throughout the book of Nehemiah, and receive an ‘A’ for persistence!)  Finally, the wall is completed around the city and things are moving forward. That’s when Nehemiah the governor makes a discovery.

Eliashib, the high priest, who was in charge of the various storerooms in the temple, turned out to be a relative of Tobiah the Ammonite due to the forbidden practice of intermarriage with the pagans.  On one occasion, when Nehemiah returned from conferring with his boss, the king of Persia, he “discovered the evil that Eliashib had done on behalf of Tobiah.”  And what was that?

He had provided the enemy Tobiah “a room in the courts of God’s house.” (Nehemiah 13:7).

Got that?

The enemy of God’s people was given an apartment in the Temple.  It would be hard to think of anything worse.

Nehemiah says, “I was greatly displeased and threw all of Tobiah’s household possessions out of the room!”  But he did not stop there.

“I ordered that the rooms be purified.” And he did not stop there.

“I had the articles (instruments of worship) of the house of God restored there, along with the grain offering and frankincense.”

He threw out the offensive material, had the place fumigated and washed down, and then furnished the room with holiness.

Sounds like a plan, doesn’t it?

Nehemiah adds, “Therefore, I rebuked the officials, saying, ‘Why has the house of God been neglected?’” (Neh. 13:11)

There are fewer joys in this life more satisfying than knowing your entire life is open to the Lord, that all the rooms are His, that you are completely clean and pure, and you are fully free in Christ.  Jesus once said, “The ruler of this world is coming and he has nothing in me” (John 14:30).

We must not stop until this is the case with each of us.

“…to You our hearts are open; nothing here is hidden. You are our heart’s desire….”  (“Here for You” by Matt Redman)

 

 

 

 

 

Perfectionism: The cruel burden we place on each other

“Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father in Heaven is perfect….” (Matthew 5:48)

First, let’s get the theological argument out of the way.

Let’s make this perfectly clear: God knows you are not perfect and will never be this side of Glory.

And even clearer: “God does not expect sinlessness out of you and me. He is under no illusion about us.”  See Psalm 103:14 “He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.” And Romans 3:10 “There is none righteous, no, not one.”

Got that?  The illusion of sinless perfection is all ours, my friend.

We read Matthew 5:48 and come away with the erroneous conclusion that God ordered us to be perfect, that perfect means sinlessness, and therefore we can be sinless.  But since we cannot achieve perfection–no one you know has ever pulled it off–then He has given us an impossible standard to live by, one that crushes us and frustrates us and forever disappoints Him.

The result would be that we forever live with a disgusted God and in fear of the celestial woodshed, the destiny of children who bring in failing grades.

Yuck. What kind of theology is this?  And yet, you and I know people who believe this and call themselves Bible students, serious disciples of Jesus, and even evangelists (“sharers of the good news”)..

Now, let’s drop the other shoe here… Continue reading