Category Archives: Articles

For pastors’ wives who are hurting

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The letters and comments are pouring in from our recent article on the pastor’s wife.

I suppose it should not surprise me–weirdness is everywhere–but some people were angry that we called the pastor’s wife “the most vulnerable person in church.”  One guy gave a long list of people, mostly the hurting seekers who arrive at church hoping to find a word of encouragement or a helping hand, who come before her.

There is no question that churches are filled with seeking, hurting, vulnerable people.  Ranking them in order of desperation and need is pointless, since we are to be ministering to them all.

That’s why the Lord wants His people to love one another, serve one another, help one another, and so forth.  The “one another” scriptures take up a great deal of the New Testament.  Clearly, the Lord sends us forth as wounded warriors to minister to the other wounded.

May the Lord make us servants and helpers of one another, not obstacles in their path or hurdles to be navigated around.

Someone going through a receiving line told the new pastor’s wife if she would be willing to give up her health insurance, it would save the church a lot of money.

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Games we play with God’s word

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All right. It’s time for the game. Everyone ready?

Here’s how it works.

Add up all the letters in your name.  My name, Joe McKeever, has 11.  Joe is 3 letters, McKeever has 8.  Now, find a scripture somewhere in the Bible that is chapter 11, verses 3 through 8, and see if and how it fits your life. If you find a good one, that’s your passage.

See what we did? The total number of letters is for the chapter, and the numbers in your names separately determine the verses. So, I’m 11:3-8.  The question is, “What book?”

We find a lot of “chapters 11:3-8” in the Bible. Genesis has one, Exodus does, Leviticus, Numbers, etc. etc.

Since I made up the rules, I get to select the passage that best suits me. (smiley-face goes here) Hebrews 11:3-8, for instance, is all about faith. And since I like to think of myself as a faith person, that’s my scripture passage.

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A hundred things I tell young pastors (the final 20).

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81. Just as no one knows you better than your spouse, your co-workers on the church staff see you as no one else does. Make sure they respect you as a person of integrity and compassion who keeps his word, has a sincere heart for God, and treasures each of them.  Defend them before critics.  If you lose their respect, the fabric of your leadership begins to fray.

82. Watch for certain scriptures–a verse here, a verse there–to begin to impress themselves upon you in a special way. This is a work of the Holy  Spirit. When this happens, He is inviting you to study this area more, to seek His insights and receive His teaching.

83. Humility. Do not fear apologizing to your people. If you made a mistake and everyone knows it, to stonewall and refuse to admit it is to enrage a few and disappoint the others. By humbling yourself and admitting your error, then asking for their forgiveness, you endear yourself to everyone who matters.  (I’ve known of pastors who gained so much love and acceptance by publicly apologizing for a mistake, they jokingly say they are now looking for some other dumb mistake to make just so they can apologize.)

84. When you need the approval of a committee, say the finance or personnel, for some project or expenditure, if the chairperson says, “Oh, go ahead and do that, pastor,” you should respond, “Thank you, my friend. But I’d really like the entire committee’s input on this.” Insist on meeting with the entire panel, and never allow the chair to act as if he/she is the committee. (Church bosses are created just so subtly as this.)

85. Always err on the side of conservativism in finances and on the side of grace in relationships.

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A hundred things I tell young pastors (61-80)

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61. Resiliency. There is no shame in being fired by a church or run off by a group within the church. The shame comes when you let that discourage you from future ministry.  Read Second Corinthians 4:8-10 again and again until you “own” it. Then get up and get back in the game. Your team needs you.

62. If you are terminated–or “encouraged to leave” a church in a way that leaves you angry and bitter–read Luke 6:27-35 repeatedly until you make it your own. Then, to rid yourself of the anger and bear a faithful witness to your detractors, do the actions the Lord commands here: do good, bless, pray, and give to them.

63. Encourage pastors who have been terminated. (A pastor recently ousted from his church asked me, “Why don’t other pastors want to help me?” I said, “Tom, when you were pastoring, how many unemployed preachers did you help?” He said, “I didn’t know it was the problem it is.” I said, “They don’t either.”)

64. Problems. Teach your lay leadership (preferably in small group settings) how to deal with problems that arise in church, how to confront a troublemaking member, and what to do about a pastor who has gone rogue. (When nothing of that sort is happening in your church is the perfect time to teach this.)

65. Make yours an encouraging church.  Train your people to write notes of congratulations and appreciation to people in the news who do good things.

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A hundred things I tell young pastors (41-60)

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41. Preparation. Remember that preaching is not a written art, but an oral thing. So, once you have finished your plan for the message, go for a walk and preach it aloud.  This will alert you to detours to avoid, rabbit trails to shun, potholes to steer around, and will make you aware of areas where you need to do more work..

42. Never deliver a sermon you have not preached to yourself at least three times. Likewise, when you plan to read a Scripture in the worship service, prepare by reading it aloud numerous times to prepare your tongue for forming these particular sounds, to find phrases you need to emphasize, and so you can do the reading justice.

43. When you are invited to guest preach in other churches, do not reinvent the wheel. This is no time to hammer out a new sermon, but an opportunity to use something you have previously preached. This allows you to improve on it. In time, this may become a favorite sermon you preach in many places.

44. While your sermon-machine is always on (and you will always have a notepad nearby when reading anything), make it a point to read Scripture devotionally–asking the Father to feed your soul–every day.  Read for no other purpose than to listen to God.

45. Stewardship.  Tithe your income and more through your church.

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A hundred things I tell young pastors (21-40)

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21. Off days.  Early on, establish with your spouse at least one full day (including evening) each week for yourselves.  Have an understanding about this when talking with search committees. Protect it. (Then, help your wife to know that a) you will work hard to protect this day, but b) there will inevitably be exceptions once in a while.)

22. Search Committees. When dealing with search committees, do not become so eager to go to that church that you fail to do your homework (such as looking carefully at the church’s history, its relationships with previous pastors, what income/benefits they offer, the details about the living arrangements, etc.).

23. Mentors. Find one or two older ministers as your mentors. Call them occasionally to tell what’s going on and seek their counsel. Pray for their ministry.

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The Kingdom of God is a party.

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“And Jesus answered and spoke to them again in parables, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king, who gave a wedding feast for his son….'” (Matthew 22:1-2).

Tony Campolo told a story–then developed it into a book–that has lodged itself in my brain and will not let me alone.

I’d like to do all I can to plant it in yours too.

Oddly enough, at the beginning of the book, Tony says he took an author’s license to shape the story just a tad. “It did not happen in just the way I am going to tell it to you.”  I found that interesting.  (Think I’ve met my soulmate! lol)

He says, “The names and the setting are made up and dialogue is a bit contrived, but the story is essentially what happened to me about four years ago.”

For reasons I cannot quite put my finger on, before recording the story here, I thought pastors would find his admission/confession interesting.  Can I be forgiven for thinking most of us would have tweaked that story, then sent it on its way without ever telling anyone it did not happen exactly as we told it, but that we had prettied it up?

Tony Campolo–surely you know this man! If not, google him. He’s so worth knowing!–was speaking in Hawaii, and for a resident of the Philadelphia area as he is, that means he wakes up at 3 am ready for breakfast.  So, he was out in Honolulu looking for a diner where he could get some bacon and eggs. (Note: I once bought him just such a breakfast in a diner in Black Mountain, NC, and we swapped stories for two hours. A delightful memory.)

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The streams which make up my tears

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“Thou dost give them to drink of the river of Thy delights” (Psalm 36:8).

My friend read something I’d written and wept.  I asked what had prompted that. She replied, “It was just the Lord. They were good tears.”

That’s all she said.

I know the feeling.

Any tears I shed come in one of three situations.  I’m traveling down the highway talking to the Lord or going over a sermon and become so carried away with the joy of the Lord that the tears flow.

I’m on my knees with my face buried in a couch cushion, sometimes saying nothing, and I tear up.

Or, I’m at this laptop tapping out insights from God’s word and His promises and am overwhelmed by His goodness. (Such as at this moment.)

Men always want their wives to say why they’re crying. I quit that long ago when Margaret had no answer. “I just am. I’m a woman and sometimes we cry.”  Basically, that was no answer, but it was all I was going to get.

Being a man, I want to know why I cry.

And I think I know.

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The people I drew this weekend

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“And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father” (Colossians 3:17).

She said she was 90 years old. Clearly, she was a fiesty little lady, quick to speak up and tell you what was on her mind.

As I began sketching her likeness, making idle conversation and attempting to keep her focus in my direction, I said, “Have you ever been drawn before?”

She said, “WHAT? Have I ever been drunk?”

I laughed and said, “Drawn. Has anyone ever sketched you before?”

They hadn’t.

A moment later, I said, “Have you ever been drunk?”

She said, “Mind your own business.”

I was spending the weekend at the First Baptist Church of Yazoo City, Mississippi. When the pastor resigned recently for health issues, a longtime friend in that congregation urged the associate pastor to invite me up one Sunday.  And, because I frequently do senior events, they scheduled a Saturday night dinner for the older adults where I would sketch and speak.

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For you who live on shifting sands

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“But as for you, Daniel, conceal these words and seal up the book until the end of time; many will run back and forth, and knowledge will increase” (Daniel 12:4).

Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen (“The Advocate,” Wednesday, August 28, 2013) has a word concerning the rapid pace of change in our generation.

Cohen cites Moises Naim’s new book “The End of Power,” that many companies which once ruled the economic world–Kodak and Blackberry among others–are now gone or on life support. Congress seems in a state of eternal gridlock and little gets done. Presidents issue directives and hold press conferences and address Congress and nothing happens.  Political parties seem ineffective in holding their mavericks in line.  CEOs take the reins of huge companies and then are fired a couple of years later because they were unable to turn the company around.

At every level, Naim says, people are lamenting an inability to get things done.

And why is this?  What’s happening?

Cohen writes, “For one, there is just more of everything–people, for sure, but also weapons and nations and billionaires and blogs and even chess masters–88 in 1972, more than 1,200 today.  Mentalities have changed. Women all over the world are walking away from abusive marriages, and people are more mobile. ‘Barriers to power have weakened,’ Naim writes. The world is awash in democracies.”

True. Everything not nailed down is coming loose. Everything is changing.

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