Category Archives: Church Conflict

Going to extremes: There’s danger in that

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One of the best ways to gauge your mental health is by what you do with the teachings of Scripture.

A few instances….

–Jesus said, “Do not worry about tomorrow” (Matthew 6:34). Bad mental health takes that to mean that long range plans, insurance programs, and concerns about the future of one’s loved ones is sinful. Good mental health keeps it in the perspective of the entire Bible’s teachings on the subject.

–Jesus said, “By their fruits you will know them” (Matthew 7:20). Bad mental health takes this as a license to inspect the lives and productivity of anyone claiming to follow Christ. Good mental health sees it in context, that one’s works will generally speaking tell the tale on who we really are.

–Jesus said, “As you have believed, so let it be done for you” (Matthew 8:13). Bad mental health interprets this (and similar scriptures) as carte blanche promises that we get what we believe God for, and if we are not getting, it’s because we are not believing strongly enough. Good mental health knows that there is far more to this issue than some isolated scriptures or instances of the Lord’s healing.

I call your attention to three texts in First Corinthians. 

All three verses lend themselves to misinterpretations and extreme over-reactions by people with either limited biblical understanding or poor mental health. Or both.

–Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble. (I Corinthians 8:13)

The person with either limited knowledge of God’s word or an untethered mind will read that if anyone criticizes us for anything, no matter how good or necessary it is, we should stop it. “After all, doesn’t the Bible say…(and he quotes this verse)?”

The believer of better Bible understanding and balanced mental health knows that people are always going to find fault with something you do. If the grand central truth in our lives were that whatever someone stumbles over has to go, then we would soon be existing as hermits in a cave somewhere.

Or we would be the worst neurotics on the planet.

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The day your church begins to die

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My preacher friend lives in a new home provided by the ministry he heads. “They had to tear down the old one,” he told me. “Mildew was everywhere and after years of trying to cure it, they gave up.”

A friend in that city told me the previous tenants–my friend’s predecessor and his family–were constantly sick for no reason anyone could find. Workers repainted the interior of the house every year.

“When they tore the house down, they found the culprit. There was a pipe underneath the house–not in any of the architect’s original drawings–that was constantly leaking water into the foundation.”

The minister said, “At one point, in an attempt to cure the problem, the ministry head had storm windows installed throughout the house. He was sealing the house, but it had the opposite effect of what he intended.”

“An architect told me, ‘That day the house began to die. With the windows sealed, it could no longer breathe.”

The day the house began to die.

An intriguing line.

Churches also begin to die when they can no longer breathe.

I’ve seen churches die, and I’ve seen them in the process of dying. The culprit–the killer, the perpetrator, the murderer–is suffocation. An inability to breathe.

1. Churches begin to suffocate when they no longer welcome change.

Change is life. Our bodies are always in the process of sloughing off old dead cells and replacing them with new ones.

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You need some resistance in your life

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“Where there’s no friction, there’s no traction!”  –Overheard from an elderly Baptist preacher in North Carolina 30 years ago

Tim Patterson, executive of Michigan Baptists, had a great insight about catfish and codfish–natural enemies–on Baptist Press.

In the northeastern part of our country, codfish is a big deal. However, shippers discovered that freezing the fish to ship destroyed the flavor.  So, they tried shipping them alive in tanks of seawater.  In addition to that being too expensive, for some reason the cod still lost their flavor and arrived soft and mushy.  Something had to be done.

Eventually, someone hit on a solution. After the codfish were placed in the seawater tanks, one more thing was added:  catfish.  Their natural enemies.

“From the time the cod left the East Coast until they arrived at their destinations, those ornery catfish chased the cod all over the tank…. When they arrived at the market, the cod were as fresh as the day they were caught.  There was no loss of flavor and the texture was possibly better than before.”

There’s a lesson there.

All sunshine makes a desert, the American Indians used to say.  We need the rain and the occasional storm.

My friend George Bullard wrote a book by the title Every Church Needs a Little Conflict.  He leads conferences by that title.  It’s a great truth, and the point of this little article.

What a “little conflict” will do for a church–or an individual believer–is worth our consideration:

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Ten biblical truths you might not want to hear

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From the beginning, the Lord’s people talk a better game than we live.

So many biblical truths look good on paper and sound great when we’re spouting them.  And yet, judging by the way we live, the Lord’s people probably do not believe the following…

One.  God sends the pastor to the church. 

Churches survey their congregation to find the kind of pastor everyone wants in the next guy.  People lobby for a candidate they like and rally against one they don’t.  And they vote on the recommendation of their committee.  And after he arrives, when some turn against him, they send him on his way.

Do we really believe God sends pastors to churches?  They are God’s undershepherds (see I Peter 5:1-4) and appointed by the Holy Spirit as overseers of the church (Acts 20:28).

Two.  God hears our prayers, cares for our needs, and answers our prayers.

In the typical congregation, what percentage of the people are serious about their prayer life?

If we believed that God hears, cares, and answers, we would be praying over every detail of our lives.  “Pray without ceasing” (I Thessalonians 5:17) would define our very existence.

Three. It is more blessed to give than to receive.

God wants His people to be givers, generous in every area of life.  As a member of the church, He wants us to be sacrificial givers.  (See I Corinthians 8:1ff).

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When we backslide, a dozen things happen. All of them bad.

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“The way of the transgressor is hard” (Proverbs 13:15)  

What started this was a note from a fellow who took issue with something I said about the church.  He had no use for the church, he said. Every church he’d ever attended preached a shallow message, the sermons were mind-numbingly boring, and the people were dull and listless.  After venting, he wondered if I’d be interested in some essays he’d written about the church.  (Would it surprise you to know I declined?)

In our exchange, I said, “Could I tell you something that happened to me?  Even though I’ve been preaching for over half a century, at least twice during that time, I have gotten out of fellowship with the Lord.  What we call “backsliding.”

And when that happened, I noticed something surprising.  I became negative about my fellow church members and critical of the other ministers.  Then, when I humbled myself and repented, I saw them in a new light and found myself loving them. That was a fascinating thing to learn.

This was as gentle a way as I could find to tell the man that my money is on his being in rebellion against God. In his backslidden state, he is understandably down on the Lord’s people.

Backsliding.  Interesting term, isn’t it?  It says what it is, and needs little explanation.

You’re saved, you love the Lord, you’re doing well, and then you fall into sin one way or the other. Perhaps you slipped or you plunged headfirst, knowing full well what you were doing.

Now, look at you.  God seems so far away, and the closeness you once had with Him is only a distant memory.

You remember with longing when you felt so close to the Lord, so clean and pure, and so happy in Him.  You delighted in reading His word and perhaps in teaching it.  You loved gathering with the Lord’s people and singing the hymns and praying together.

But not now.

You are miserable.  You put up a false front and act like all is well. But something in your heart has died. The light has gone out.

What’s wrong?  You have fallen into sin.  The joy has disappeared, replaced by guilt and anger.

A backslidden state is a miserable place to visit but a terrible place to live.

When this happens, a hundred things take place in your life.  None of them good.  Here’s my short list of the bad things that occur when we are backslidden….

1) The rebel is holding Jesus in contempt. 

The Lord takes your rejecting Him personally. Your turning to sin is an insult.

When Israel fell away in Old Testament days, the Lord sounding like a spurned lover, said, “What fault did you find in me? What did the idols offer which I cannot give?” (cf.Jeremiah 2:5)

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The Lord told you church would have its hardships. What–you didn’t believe Him?

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“In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

We were expecting hostility from the world.  But certainly not from the Lord’s people.

Church is where we get blindsided.

The Lord wanted His people to know what to expect.  The road ahead would be rough.  They should prepare for turbulence.

The Lord would not be bringing His children around the storms but through them.  We will not miss out on the tempest, but will ride it out with Jesus in our boat, sometimes standing at the helm and at other times, seemingly asleep and unconcerned.

The lengthy passage of Matthew 10:16-42 is the holy grail on this subject, as the Lord instructs His children on what lies ahead and what to expect.  His disciples should expect to encounter opposition, persecution, slander, defamation, and for some, even death.  So, when it comes–as it does daily to millions of His children throughout the world–no one can say they weren’t warned.

But what about the church?  Should we expect opposition and persecution there also?

Jesus said, “they will scourge you in their synagogues” (10:17), which is where the faithful were meeting to worship.

He said members of our own households–parents, siblings, offspring–would lead the opposition at times. They will “cause them to be put to death” (10:21).

He doesn’t specifically say “the church,” but surely all of the above includes it.  And that’s where the typical believer runs into a buzzsaw.

Church is where we get blindsided.

We knew opposition would come from the world.  Scripture makes this plain.  But in the church?

A pastor told me his daughter no longer goes to a church of his denomination. After seeing how leaders of his congregation treated her father and then lied about it, she wants no part of this any longer.  The wonder is that she goes to church at all.  Many PKs grow up and write the church off.  “I love Jesus,” they will tell you, “but not the church.”

I grieve at this.  But I understand it.

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Scars on the pastor: It’s an occupational hazard

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“From now on let no one cause trouble for me, for I bear on my body the brand-marks of Jesus” (Galatians 6:17).

“…I bear branded on my body the owner’s stamp of the Lord Jesus” –the Moffett translation.

“…I bear on my body the scars that mark me as a slave of Jesus” –Goodspeed.

At Mississippi State University, the Kenyan student carried horizontal scars across his face.  “Identification marks for my tribe,” he explained to me.  Wow.  Tough clan.

We were returning from the cemetery in the mortuary’s station wagon.  The director and I were chatting and perhaps could have been more observant.  We did not notice the pickup truck coming from our right and running the stop sign at 30 or 40 mph. We broadsided the truck.

My forehead broke the dashboard.

I bled and bled.  And got a ride to the hospital in the EMS van.

The emergency room people decided I had suffered no serious injuries and taped up the two gashes in my face.  At the wedding rehearsal that night, I sported a large white bandage on my forehead, just above the eyebrows. It made for some memorable wedding photos the next day.

That happened over forty years ago and I still carry the scars.  Interestingly, no one notices that they’re scars. They’re situated in the same place one might have frown marks.  But if you look closely, you can see they are scars.

I would not have those scars if I were not a minister.

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Some churches are ignorant of God’s Word. And you are the new pastor.

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“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (II Peter 3:18).

The pastor had been called from his rural church to another part of the country. He was excited about the new challenge, as he well should have been. In a parting comment to a friend, he assessed the state of spirituality of the church members he was leaving behind:

“There is enough ignorance in this county to ignorantize the whole country.”

What happens when a pastor gets called to a church like that? A church where the members and leaders alike do not know the Word of God and have no idea of how things should be done (what Paul called “how one ought to conduct himself in the household of God”–I Timothy 3:15), or why it all matters.

A church that exists to condemn sin and sinners, that knows only slivers of Scripture, that sees ministers as slaves of the whims of the congregation, and that is ready to reject as a liberal any minister who wants the church to feed the hungry in the community, take a stand for justice, or invite in the minority neighbors.

We wish we could say such congregations are few and rare, but they aren’t.  Veteran preachers have stories of those churches, tales of run-ins with those leaders, and scars from the battles they have waged to set matters right.

–One pastor told the group of ministers meeting in his fellowship hall, “This building is actually owned by a member of the KKK. We rent it from him.”  The rest of us were naive and thought the Ku Klux Klan had died out ages ago. Here they were living among us in our own southern town.

–One lady visible in church leadership told her pastor, “I don’t know what the Bible says but I know what I believe.”

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Word wrangling: the preachers’ rodeo event

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“Remind them of these things, and solemnly charge them in the presence of God not to wrangle about words, which is useless and leads to the ruin of the hearers.” (II Timothy 2:14)

I’m not sure most of us preachers fully believe the scriptural command to avoid word-fights.

After all, aren’t some words worth wrangling over?

“Wrangling about words” conjures images of cowboys at the corral trying to tame a bucking theological term that won’t hold still.

It’s an interesting translation of the Greek logomacheo, with the logo meaning “word” and macheo referring to fighting.  “Wrangling” is as good a translation as any. Maybe “wrestling,” or simply “fighting over words.”  (Logomacheo is found only here in the New Testament, but the noun logomachia, found in I Timothy 6:4, is translated “disputes about words, out of which arise envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions, and constant friction between men of depraved mind and deprived of the truth….”  A little free information there. )

Be that as it may, many of us preachers do love to argue about words.

Wonder why that is.

The Apostle Paul suggests the problem is our “depraved minds.”  Those old natures do enjoy a good dare, a challenge, a fight.

A pastor friend said, “When I was a young pastor, there is nothing I enjoyed more than arguing with another preacher about some issue or other.”  He grew out of it, thankfully.

Well, why shouldn’t we love a good fight over biblical words? Here are some reasons why Paul says it’s a bad idea….

–it’s useless. (2 Timothy 2:14).  That is, it settles nothing.

–it leads to the ruin of the hearers. (2:14 again)  The word “ruin” is literally catastrophe which means “destruction.”

–And, according to I Timothy 6:4-5, such wrangling leads to “envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions, and constant friction.”  Looks like some excellent reasons to avoid that corral and leave those mavericks to someone else.

A couple of current stories about word-wrangling which may (or may not) make the point….

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How to be satisfied with your church, no matter what it does.

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“What did you go out to see?” (Luke 7:25)

“What do you want me to do for you?” (Luke 18:41)

The other day during the worship service at our church, I had a revelation.

I realized something that had eluded me before.

I know the secret of people who are never dissatisfied with what goes on in their church no matter what it does.  These people are fine with everything.

They like the pastor and never complain about the programs of the church. In fact, you’ll not hear any criticism coming from their direction.

I think I’ve found their secret: They don’t require much of the church.

That’s it.  That’s their mindset.

These are my notes hastily jotted down in that worship service: “The key to surviving the upheavals in the modern church is to need less and less from your church.  That way, no matter what happens you will never be disappointed.  Will never be hurt. Will never be offended.”

This would likewise be true of one’s membership in the denomination.  Or anything else for that matter.  Even your marriage.

I’m serious.  (I know it sounds like there should be a punchline following, but this is not a joke. Stay with me here.)

Such people go to church, they sit through the service, and they may or may not connect with what’s going on down front. And since they don’t expect much, do not require anything from the service or the pastor, therefore they do not leave with an empty tank or a dissatisfied spirit.

They’re just putting in time.  Just checking it off.  “We go to church every Sunday.”

Not requiring much means not expecting much.  After all, if we expect little and that’s what we get, we’re never disappointed.

Such church members are never disappointed.

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