Category Archives: Pastors

Other preachers’ families are amazingly much like yours

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“They made life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah” (Genesis 26:35).

No marriage is perfect.

The union of two godly well-intentioned disciples of Jesus Christ does not guarantee a successful marriage.

And even the successful ones–however we would define that!–in almost every case had their ups and downs.

So, if you’ve been feeling like a failure because a) your husband spends more time at the church than at home, b) your wife isn’t nearly the cook or housekeeper your mom was, c) you and your spouse argue, d) you have each lost your temper and said/done some things you regretted later, or e) all of the above, then….

Welcome to the human race.

I’ve been reading William J. Petersen’s book 25 Surprising Marriages: Faith-building Stories from the Lives of Famous Christians.

Petersen has written chapters on the marriages of people like Martin and Katie Luther, of C. S. and Joy Lewis, and of Billy and Nell Sunday.  He writes about Charles and Susie Spurgeon, Dwight and Emma Moody, John and Molly Wesley, and Billy and Ruth Graham.  He has chapters titled “Grace Livingston Hill and her two husbands,” and “John Bunyan and his two wives.”

He could well have included a chapter on Elisabeth Elliot and her three husbands, but didn’t.

As a minister, I find myself wishing we had discovered this wonderful volume (written in 1997) back when Margaret and I were in the thick of pastoring and she was chafing under the demands of the ministry, the expectations of the church members, and the absenteeism and/or distraction of her husband.

On occasion, I tell young pastors’ wives that they have so much in common with one another, even across denominational lines.  The wife of the Church of God pastor, the wife of the Holiness pastor, the wife of the Presbyterian pastor, the wife of the Christian Church pastor, and the wife of the Southern Baptist pastor–to name a few–all fight the same battles.

What battles?

I’m glad you asked.  See if any of this sounds familiar….

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59 things not to say to a pastor

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1. “I enjoyed that little talk.”

2. “Is what you said true, or was that just preacher talk?”

3. “I heard (famous preacher) preach that same sermon on television.  He did it so much better.”

4. “Could you come to my home and preach that sermon to my husband?”

5. “You ought to hear the pastor at our church.  He’s been to seminary.”

6. “Our church is so much bigger (better, friendlier, prettier, nicer) than yours.”

7. “The restroom is out of paper.”

8. “My cousin said I would like your preaching. It’s all right, I guess.”

9. “Someone–I’m not saying who–told me to tell you….”

10. “Can I come by your office in the morning?  I might need a couple of hours of your time.”

11. “Could I call you tonight after we get home from the movie?  It might be 10:30 or so.”

12. (Calls at 7:30 in the morning.)  “Hi Pastor. Did I wake you?”

13. “I heard Hillcrest Church baptized 92 people last week. And Williams Road Church had a $100,000 offering.”

14. “Do you get paid by the word or by the hour?”

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What Elijah and I want

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“Now I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the Lord in your mouth is truth.” (I Kings 17:24).

I think it was Freud who said no one has ever answered the question “what does a woman want?”

What does a pastor want?

I mean, other than good attendance and a great offering, a little appreciation, a day off without the phone ringing, and a staff of faithful ministers. Somebody getting saved, a peaceful deacons meeting, and a bowl of banana pudding with meringue on top.  that’s my list.

As much as anything ever, your pastor longs–has a deep burning desire–for people to acknowledge that he is a man of God and that when he stands to preach, the message is from God and is truth. Truth with a capital T.

That’s what the widow of Zarephath testified concerning Elijah. Most of us would say, that’s as good as it gets.

This happened during a time of great apostasy in Israel and along with it, a devastating drought. For a time, God had the ravens feed Elijah–the man on the spot, hunted relentlessly by King Ahab–and the brook Cherith to supply him with drink. When the brook dried up, God sent His man to the area of Sidon (present day Lebanon) where a widow would provide for him.

Problem is, God had not bothered to tell the widow.

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How to use humor in a sermon and not dishonor the Lord or offend your congregation

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Watch this.  This is how it’s done.

Robert Mueller was giving a commencement address at the College of William and Mary.  This former director of the FBI in the first Bush administration is the epitome of dignity and class.  He is anything but a comic or comedian.  That day, speaking on “Fidelity, Bravery, and Integrity,” which he called the motto of the Bureau, he showed us a great way to use humor in a serious talk.

“In one of my first positions with the Department of Justice, more than thirty years ago, I found myself head of the Criminal Division in the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Boston.  I soon realized that lawyers would come into my office for one of two reasons: either to ‘see and be seen’ on the one hand, or to obtain a decision on some aspect of their work, on the other hand.  I quickly fell into the habit of asking one question whenever someone walked in the door, and that question was ‘What is the issue?’

“One evening I came home to my wife, who had had a long day teaching and then coping with our two young daughters.  She began to describe her day to me.  After just a few minutes, I interrupted, and rather peremptorily asked, ‘What is the issue?’

“The response, as I should have anticipated, was immediate.  ‘I am your wife,’ she said. ‘I am not one of your attorneys. Do not ever ask me ‘What is the issue?’  You will sit there and  you will listen until I am finished.’ And of course, I did just that.”

Mueller went on to say how he was learning–from his wife among others–how to be still and listen, truly listen, before making a judgment.

His was not a funny story as such.  But it got a great laugh from the entire crowd, and became a great illustration for you and me today.

In his story, he is the goat.  He did something foolish and his wife called his hand on it. He conceded that she was in the right and he in the wrong.

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When we backslide, a dozen things happen. All of them bad.

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“The way of the transgressor is hard” (Proverbs 13:15)  

What started this was a note from a fellow who took issue with something I said about the church.  He had no use for the church, he said. Every church he’d ever attended preached a shallow message, the sermons were mind-numbingly boring, and the people were dull and listless.  After venting, he wondered if I’d be interested in some essays he’d written about the church.  (Would it surprise you to know I declined?)

In our exchange, I said, “Could I tell you something that happened to me?  Even though I’ve been preaching for over half a century, at least twice during that time, I have gotten out of fellowship with the Lord.  What we call “backsliding.”

And when that happened, I noticed something surprising.  I became negative about my fellow church members and critical of the other ministers.  Then, when I humbled myself and repented, I saw them in a new light and found myself loving them. That was a fascinating thing to learn.

This was as gentle a way as I could find to tell the man that my money is on his being in rebellion against God. In his backslidden state, he is understandably down on the Lord’s people.

Backsliding.  Interesting term, isn’t it?  It says what it is, and needs little explanation.

You’re saved, you love the Lord, you’re doing well, and then you fall into sin one way or the other. Perhaps you slipped or you plunged headfirst, knowing full well what you were doing.

Now, look at you.  God seems so far away, and the closeness you once had with Him is only a distant memory.

You remember with longing when you felt so close to the Lord, so clean and pure, and so happy in Him.  You delighted in reading His word and perhaps in teaching it.  You loved gathering with the Lord’s people and singing the hymns and praying together.

But not now.

You are miserable.  You put up a false front and act like all is well. But something in your heart has died. The light has gone out.

What’s wrong?  You have fallen into sin.  The joy has disappeared, replaced by guilt and anger.

A backslidden state is a miserable place to visit but a terrible place to live.

When this happens, a hundred things take place in your life.  None of them good.  Here’s my short list of the bad things that occur when we are backslidden….

1) The rebel is holding Jesus in contempt. 

The Lord takes your rejecting Him personally. Your turning to sin is an insult.

When Israel fell away in Old Testament days, the Lord sounding like a spurned lover, said, “What fault did you find in me? What did the idols offer which I cannot give?” (cf.Jeremiah 2:5)

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What it means to magnify your ministry

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Say to Archippus, ‘Take heed to the ministry which you have received in the Lord, that you may fulfill it” (Colossians 4:17).

“I magnify my ministry” (Romans 11:13).  

The opposite of magnifying your ministry would be minimizing it.

Ever see anyone do that? What would that look like?

I don’t want to focus on answering that question, but want to interject here that the enemy of the Lord Jesus loves to minimize the ministries of those God calls.  We know that and we deal with it.  The tragedy is seeing someone minimizing their own ministry.  Doing the devil’s work for him.

Not real smart.  Let’s not do that.

Let’s focus on MAGNIFYING your ministry.  Making much of it.

Remember how Solomon prayed as he took office?  He said to the Lord, Your servant is in the midst of Your people whom You have chosen, a great people who are too many to be numbered or counted.  So give Your servant an understanding heart to judge Your people…. For who is able to judge this great people of Yours? (That’s First Kings 3.)

He’s humbling himself, as he prayed, “I am but a little child” (I Kings 3:7). But he is also magnifying his ministry.

–They are God’s people.

–They are a great people, too many to count.

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The pastor was wronged by a search committee. What can he do?

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My friend stirred up a furor.

Writing on Facebook, my friend Stan told of a pastor search committee that has just angered him by their treatment of a wonderful young pastor.

As he told it, the committee and the pastor met on several occasions, they heard him preach numerous times, and it was clear to all that “this was of God.” The process worked itself out over several months. The committee voted unanimously that this pastor was their choice.  The pastor himself agreed.

All was well, it seemed.

And then one day, the chairman phoned the pastor. “I have bad news,” he said.  “While everyone is unanimous that you are our choice for the church, however, when we voted on bringing your name before the church as our recommendation, two members of the committee voted ‘no.’”

The vote was 7 for and 2 against.

The two ‘nay-sayers’ on the committee told the rest of the group that while they loved the pastor-candidate and agree he seems to be “the one” God is leading them to, “We just don’t want to go with the first person we talked to.”

They wanted it to be a popularity contest.  Find out “who else is out there.”

Since search committees are expected to bring only unanimous recommendations before the church, the chairman felt he had no choice but to accept his committee’s actions and shut down their dealings with that pastor.

You can imagine how the pastor felt after hanging up the phone.  Disappointment.  Anger perhaps.  Frustration. Puzzlement.

There was nothing the pastor could do about this.  He was at the mercy of the committee.

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When the salt of the earth needs sweetening

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While researching a subject on-line, I found myself reading some attacks on ministers from fellow ministers. These men of God, assuming that’s what they are and I’m not saying one way or the other, were taking no prisoners.

“That pastor is a liar!” “Preachers lie to you when they say….” “Ten lies preachers tell you.” “That preacher is an agent of hell!”

It was painful.

When those sent by the Father as shepherds of His sheep use such blistering rhetoric, we fail our assignments in numerous ways: we dishonor the Lord, shame the church, needlessly slander our brethren, set poor examples for the people in the pew, and we hold the gospel up to ridicule by the world.

How about a little sweetening, I wonder. And then I remember something.

A friend says there are two kinds of preachers: those who enter the ministry whole and those who enter in order to become whole.

Give me the first kind any day of the week. The second group can be scary and dangerous.

The second group, I believe, is composed largely of ministers with bad mental health.

Here is what bad mental health looks like in the pulpit on a Sunday morning—

1) It’s mean-spirited.

One text you will never hear such a preacher proclaiming is Colossians 3:12: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly beloved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”

Somewhere along the way these caustic preachers became convinced that their task on Sundays is to “open the wound and pour on the salt.” They are harsh, unloving, unkind, loud, and uncharitable. And they do it all in the name of the Lord.

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First two chapters of our book “Help! I’m a Pastor!”

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We are posting here the opening two chapters in our book “Help! I’m a Pastor!”  At the conclusion, we’ll tell how to order it. 

Chapter One:  Be a Pastor, Change the World.

A preacher I know was on the plane trying to complete the manuscript for a series of Sunday School lessons he had been asked to write.  His seatmate wanted to talk.  Stuart kept fending her off with short responses.

At one point she noticed his name on his briefcase.  He was ‘Doctor.”  That intrigued her. “You’re a doctor?” she asked.

“Um huh,” my friend said, not looking up from his work.  “What kind of doctor are you?” she said.

Stuart said, “A Doctor of Theology.  I’m a preacher.”  “Oh,” she said, “I thought you were a real doctor.”

That did it.  My friend laid his books aside and looked at her. “Madam,” he said, “If I were a doctor of medicine and did my work well, I might be able to add a few years to someone’s life.”

“But as a Doctor of Theology–a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ–when I do my work well, people live forever.”

It’s a powerful thing this Christian ministry.

It is surely the quickest way to change the world.  And the best.

A fellow named Martin Luther went into the same work as you and I and saw the world change right before his eyes.  The same can be said about John Wesley. John Wycliffe. Dwight L. Moody. Jim Elliot. Peter Marshall. Billy Graham.

And you.

Recently I came across a book called Give Your Speech, Change the World.  Author Nick Morgan teaches public speaking in numerous formats (universities, as the editor of several publications, and consultant to executives) and has been speechwriter for a governor.  Morgan said an old friend of his, another speechwriter, used to say, “The only reason to give a speech is to change the world.”  Morgan agrees and adds, “Otherwise, why bother?” He answers, “We still need speeches.  We need them to move audiences to action… And lest you think that when I say ‘changing the world’ I’m only talking about the big speeches (the ones that CEOs give to shareholders, for example) understand that I’m talking about every speech ever given.”

Every sermon you ever deliver, pastor.

Every public presentation you make of any kind.  It’s that potent.

I’m remembering one Easter morning when I did nothing more than lead in prayer at a community-wide sunrise service and it changed the world.  Two families who heard that prayer began attending my church, joined it, and became excellent servants of the Savior.  Our church became stronger, their families flourished, and lives were changed.  The world changed.

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Pastor, when something doesn’t sound right…

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This has happened to me again and again. I’m sitting in some huge meeting with hundreds of the Lord’s people representing churches across our state or country. A large number of preachers are in the audience. The speaker is sounding forth on some subject of importance to us all.

Suddenly, the speaker comes out with a statement that gets a hearty “amen,” something that sounds profound and undergirds the point he is making. He goes on in the message and everyone in the room but one person stays with him. Me, I’m stuck at that statement. Where did he get that, I wonder. Is it true? How can we know?

If Facebook, that wonderful and exasperating social networking machine, has taught us anything, it’s to distrust percentages and question quotations.

A friend’s profile contained a quote from President Kennedy. I’m acquainted with the quote and while I cannot prove JFK never uttered those words–how could we prove that about anything–I know how the line got attached to the Kennedys. It’s a quotation from a George Bernard Shaw play.

Some see things as they are and ask ‘Why?’ I see things that never were and ask ‘Why not?’

In 1968, at the funeral of his brother Robert F. Kennedy, Senator Ted Kennedy applied that line to him. It’s a terrific statement of vision. I expect for most of us, that was our first time to hear the quote. In the oration, Senator Kennedy did not give the source, which may have led some to believe he made it up.

One thing we know, however, is President John F. Kennedy is not its source. Nor is any Kennedy. And yet, keep your eye out for that quotation. Half the time, it will be attributed to one of the Kennedys.

Accuracy is important for everyone, but particularly those of us called to preach the Truth that gets people to Heaven.

Unfortunately, because we speak so often–many pastors deliver three or more sermons per week, fifty weeks of the year–our sermon machines go through a lot of material. It figures that sometimes we are going to get our stories wrong.

That’s why a statement from a preacher hit me so hard and drove me to do a little research.

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