Avoid the sermon killer, Pastor!

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My friend Dave, long-time pastor, reminded me of a story that used to show up in sermons from time to time.

After the war, a soldier who was severely wounded was returning home. As soon as he entered the states, he phoned his parents to say he was bringing with him a buddy who had lost (fill in the blank–an eye, a leg, both legs, etc) and was confined to a wheel chair.  He wanted the guy to live with the family and promised that he would take care of him.

His mother said, “Now, honey, we appreciate your compassion and your dedication to your friend. But this would be too heavy a burden on your family. This is not a good idea.”

A few days later, the family got word that their son, the one just home from the war, had ended his own life in a hotel in a distant city.  When the remains were shipped home, the family discovered he had one eye, one leg (or no legs), etc.  He had been telling his parents about himself.

Dave and I agreed that such a story, whether true or untrue–it’s impossible to know–is a show-stopper. A sermon killer.

Let the preacher tell such a story and I can guarantee no one will hear another word he says afterwards.  The congregation will be sitting there reflecting on that story, grieving and imagining and reflecting.

The wise preacher will never tell a story that clobbers his sermon and destroys the point he was trying to make.

I reminded Dave of another one which thankfully I never used, not even once, but which fits this sad category—

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Why your good sermon was so boring and ineffective

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Pastor, we have all had had this happen….

You brought a sermon on an important scriptural passage which you knew beyond a doubt was from the Lord and inspired of God.  You had a great time studying and praying for this sermon, and you knew this was cutting edge stuff. So, why was the sermon itself so poorly received?  Halfway through, you could sense the congregation’s collective minds wandering.  How could this happen?

Clearly, the problem could be any of one thousand things. But if I may, I will share a strong conviction on the number one reason your excellent sermon was so poorly received.

You failed to lay the foundation for it.

That is, you preached the event without setting the stage and placing the context for it before the congregation.  For instance….

–You preach Matthew 1:18ff and Luke 1:26ff, the Mary and Joseph event.  This beloved story needs you to point out how the world had lain in darkness for centuries, with no word from God, no prophets appearing, no fresh revelation.  And then the angel Gabriel showed up.  Bingo!

–You preach John 1:14. The word was made flesh and dwelt among us…  The incarnation is the story of the ages, to be sure. But no one is going to appreciate “the people have seen a great light” until you first establish that they “sat in darkness.”  Tell us about the darkness, pastor. Tell us why earth needed a Savior.  For news to be “good news” (gospel), it must address the bad news.  So, what bad news was it sent to remedy?

–You preach Mark 1, the story of John the Baptist and the baptism of our Lord.  Until John began preaching, no prophetic voice had been heard for centuries.  Like raindrops falling on a harsh desert landscape, his words were life to the thirsty people. Meanwhile, the religious leaders were playing their games, building their careers, and manipulating the people. Into that chaos, Jesus came.

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My biggest regret from a lifetime of ministry

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This is my journal entry dated October 1980.

I was 40 years old and Margaret was 38. We were in our 19th year of marriage, and pastoring the First Baptist Church of Columbus, Mississippi.  Our children were 17, 14, and 11.

Here’s my journal entry for October 9.

The month of October got off to a poor start around the McKeever household.  I announced to Margaret that until October 27th, there were no open days or nights.  The month was filled with church meetings, committees, banquets, associational meetings, speaking engagements at three colleges, a weekend retreat in Alabama, and a few football games. She cried.  Once again, I had let others plan my schedule in the sense that I’d failed to mark out days reserved for family time.

Years later–long after she had transitioned to Heaven–I read that and wept.

The irony of this is that a year or two earlier, we had come through months of marital counseling and felt that we finally had a healthy marriage.  In fact, one Sunday night six months after this journal entry, Margaret and I would take the entire worship service to tell the congregation of our marital woes, of our attempts to make this relationship work, of our extraordinary efforts to get counseling, which involved driving 180 miles round trip twice monthly for two-hour sessions with a professional therapist, and of the Lord healing our marriage.

We were supposed to have a healthy marriage, and here I am putting everyone and every thing ahead of my own family.

What’s wrong with this picture?

That is my greatest regret from over half a century of ministry: I failed to take care of my family.

I write this now for the benefit of my children and grandchildren.  I write it for the benefit of pastors and ministers in the Lord’s work of whatever kind.  Take care of your family!!

Now, I am not groveling in self-pity. While I grieve, I share it hoping to help someone.

Don’t do what I did.

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Waiting to cross the river to the other side

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“For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand” (2 Timothy 4:6).

The morning paper contained a tiny article about the Fort Morgan ferry that runs across Mobile Bay to Dauphin Island.  The cost for one car and two passengers, this fellow said, is $20.50.  That’s up considerably since the last time my wife and I rode it with our grandson.  Grant was about six, as I recall.

We had arrived at the ferry landing and took our place in line with other cars. I bought the ticket and we were milling around waiting for the ferry to arrive from the other shore.  Grant was apprehensive.

“Grandpa, are we going to cross that river?” I assured him we were.

“But there’s no bridge. Are we going to drive out in the water?”

I explained about the ferry boat.

“Grandpa, I’m afraid.”

I said, “Grant, you are with grandpa and grandma.  Do you know how much we love you? We are going to take care of you.  You have nothing to worry about.”

A half hour later, in the middle of Mobile Bay and standing on the deck of the ferry, my beloved grandson looked up, beaming. “Grandpa, this is fun.”

Almost anyone is apprehensive about taking a trip he’s never experienced, to a place where he’s never been, and with no visible means of transport.

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Other preachers’ families are amazingly much like yours

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“They made life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah” (Genesis 26:35).

No marriage is perfect.

The union of two godly well-intentioned disciples of Jesus Christ does not guarantee a successful marriage.

And even the successful ones–however we would define that!–in almost every case had their ups and downs.

So, if you’ve been feeling like a failure because a) your husband spends more time at the church than at home, b) your wife isn’t nearly the cook or housekeeper your mom was, c) you and your spouse argue, d) you have each lost your temper and said/done some things you regretted later, or e) all of the above, then….

Welcome to the human race.

I’ve been reading William J. Petersen’s book 25 Surprising Marriages: Faith-building Stories from the Lives of Famous Christians.

Petersen has written chapters on the marriages of people like Martin and Katie Luther, of C. S. and Joy Lewis, and of Billy and Nell Sunday.  He writes about Charles and Susie Spurgeon, Dwight and Emma Moody, John and Molly Wesley, and Billy and Ruth Graham.  He has chapters titled “Grace Livingston Hill and her two husbands,” and “John Bunyan and his two wives.”

He could well have included a chapter on Elisabeth Elliot and her three husbands, but didn’t.

As a minister, I find myself wishing we had discovered this wonderful volume (written in 1997) back when Margaret and I were in the thick of pastoring and she was chafing under the demands of the ministry, the expectations of the church members, and the absenteeism and/or distraction of her husband.

On occasion, I tell young pastors’ wives that they have so much in common with one another, even across denominational lines.  The wife of the Church of God pastor, the wife of the Holiness pastor, the wife of the Presbyterian pastor, the wife of the Christian Church pastor, and the wife of the Southern Baptist pastor–to name a few–all fight the same battles.

What battles?

I’m glad you asked.  See if any of this sounds familiar….

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59 things not to say to a pastor

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1. “I enjoyed that little talk.”

2. “Is what you said true, or was that just preacher talk?”

3. “I heard (famous preacher) preach that same sermon on television.  He did it so much better.”

4. “Could you come to my home and preach that sermon to my husband?”

5. “You ought to hear the pastor at our church.  He’s been to seminary.”

6. “Our church is so much bigger (better, friendlier, prettier, nicer) than yours.”

7. “The restroom is out of paper.”

8. “My cousin said I would like your preaching. It’s all right, I guess.”

9. “Someone–I’m not saying who–told me to tell you….”

10. “Can I come by your office in the morning?  I might need a couple of hours of your time.”

11. “Could I call you tonight after we get home from the movie?  It might be 10:30 or so.”

12. (Calls at 7:30 in the morning.)  “Hi Pastor. Did I wake you?”

13. “I heard Hillcrest Church baptized 92 people last week. And Williams Road Church had a $100,000 offering.”

14. “Do you get paid by the word or by the hour?”

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What Elijah and I want

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“Now I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the Lord in your mouth is truth.” (I Kings 17:24).

I think it was Freud who said no one has ever answered the question “what does a woman want?”

What does a pastor want?

I mean, other than good attendance and a great offering, a little appreciation, a day off without the phone ringing, and a staff of faithful ministers. Somebody getting saved, a peaceful deacons meeting, and a bowl of banana pudding with meringue on top.  that’s my list.

As much as anything ever, your pastor longs–has a deep burning desire–for people to acknowledge that he is a man of God and that when he stands to preach, the message is from God and is truth. Truth with a capital T.

That’s what the widow of Zarephath testified concerning Elijah. Most of us would say, that’s as good as it gets.

This happened during a time of great apostasy in Israel and along with it, a devastating drought. For a time, God had the ravens feed Elijah–the man on the spot, hunted relentlessly by King Ahab–and the brook Cherith to supply him with drink. When the brook dried up, God sent His man to the area of Sidon (present day Lebanon) where a widow would provide for him.

Problem is, God had not bothered to tell the widow.

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Suffering for Jesus? Oh really?

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When a pastor friend preached that living for Jesus Christ in this country was easy, someone challenged him.

The critic was outspoken in insisting that we have it just as hard and difficult here as other believers throughout the world.

I wonder who else believes as he does.  Not me, I’ll tell you.

A missionary to a Southeast Asia country tells how he was teaching a group of evangelists from his part of the world. The missionary said, “They soaked up the lesson on First Peter like it was news from a long lost friend.”

At one point, he asked these men of God, “How many of you have been persecuted for your faith?” Having taught this lesson before, he was prepared to expect a number of responses.

But no.

Not a single hand was raised.

Thinking they may have misunderstood, the missionary said, “How many of you have suffered for preaching the gospel?”

Again, no hands were raised.

This had never happened before. He knew these men and women lived in a country where religious groups are required to register and get permission even to read their Bibles and pray. Why was he getting no response?

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Five things I know about your worship

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You worship that which you do not know. But we worship that which we know…. (John 4:22)

It’s not easy making generalizations about the worship activities of every person on the planet, other than this one: something within the heart and soul of each human cries out–reaches out, strains, hungers–toward its Creator. The forms which that heart-cry take are as varied as the races and cultures of men. Some bow before the waterway flowing through their village, some sacrifice to the volcano looming above their community, and some build massive cathedrals which they decorate with ornate images, all as expressions of their worship. Others enter their church, their synagogue, their meeting place, and sing hymns, offer prayers, read from their holy book, and give offerings.

For those who worship the God and Father of the Lord Jesus Christ–for those of us who call ourselves Christians–making some generalizations is easier. We share many things in common, not all of them desirable.

I know five things about your worship, Christian. You make safely conclude these are likewise true about my worship.

1. You don’t do it very well.

Even at our best, none of us worship well. We have glimpses of God, foretastes of Heaven, in the best of our worship times. But mostly, we are straining to think of that “land that is fairer than day” and to “set our affections on things above.” We do not worship easily, naturally, or well.

This is no surprise to the Father and it shouldn’t be to us either, particularly for those who know the Bible.

–We see through a glass darkly (I Corinthians 13:12). Our understanding is so limited, our vision so impaired, the wonder is that we worship God at all. And we wouldn’t, of course, had it not been for the revelation given in Jesus.

–We know in part (I Corinthians 13:12b). Our knowledge of God and correct doctrine in spiritual things is limited. People are always asking why Christians cannot get together on our doctrine and do away with denominations and religious bickering. Answer: Because what we know of God is incomplete. True, we have His Word. But our understanding of the Bible is inadequate and clearly, even if we knew it all, there is still so much to God not contained within its leaves.

–We do not know how to pray as we should (Romans 8:26). Since prayer is an integral part of any worship experience, this alone seals the deal: we are poor worshipers. But rather than despairing, we take comfort in learning “the Spirit Himself helps us in our weakness.”

–We are sinners (Romans 3:23 and Philippians 3:12). This means we are unworthy to enter the Lord’s presence for anything, most of all worship. The psalmist asked, “How shall ascend into the hill of the Lord? And who may stand in His holy place?” He answered, “He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to an idol or sworn deceitfully” (Psalm 24:4). Well, too bad, earthlings. That lets us all out. If holiness is required to worship God, then unless the Lord provides for our forgiveness, we are disqualified.

2. Your worship is not very satisfying.

One wonders if our worship is ever satisfying to God. But so often we come away–after doing our best–with an unfulfilled feeling overwhelming us. Usually we bear this in silence; we’ve felt this way so often. At times we admit to ourselves or a close friend, “There has to be a better way.” “I don’t feel we’re getting through to the Lord.” Or even, “Let’s visit that other church (or attend that conference) and see how they do it.”

Worship seems to be a subjective or even arbitrary art form. There are so few standards everyone agrees on.

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What I wrote about at the age of 70. Fifteen years ago!!!

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(Note:  As of March 28 of the year 2025, I turned 85 years of age.  I ran across this article (below), done 15 years ago.  I guess I thought I was old! lol.  If I decide to leave an editorial comment along, it’ll be like this, in bold italics.) 

No one is more surprised than I am to find I’m now 70 years old. I reached that lofty plateau last March 28 and am still getting adjusted to the thought. Not sure if I will ever quite adjust to the fact that the old fellow staring back at me from the mirror is myself.

People often take pictures of me when I’m preaching or drawing, but it’s a rare photograph I want to look at twice. They just don’t look like me!

I’m still the 15-year-old I was in 1955 when life began to get more interesting. (That’s when I discovered girls and cars and adult work on the farm!)

Age 70. That’s 7 years more than Martin Luther lived. It’s 39 more than David Brainerd was given and 13 more than Jonathan Edwards.

You’d think I would have accomplished more than I have, given all that extra time. To my everlasting shame, I haven’t.

Looking back a few years, I know now that I fully expected some things to be true at this age than are the case.

–I would have thought I’d feel more like an adult than I do, and less like a teen. No one told me how septuagenarians are supposed to feel, but I’m betting it’s not like this.

–That I would be able to look back on 7 decades, including 48 years in the ministry, with a greater sense of accomplishment than I do.

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