Those killer questions search committees ask

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What started this was something Josh Woo said yesterday.

Josh, a fascinating young friend who grew up in my last pastorate, is a veteran of game shows and quiz programs. When he was 11, he was a contestant on Jeopardy.  As a student at the University of Southern California, he hosted his own television program on the campus station.  A few days ago, he was a contestant on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” In between, he’s done the Wheel and several other shows.

The question that tripped him up on “Millionaire” went something like this: “At 7’7″, So-and-so is the tallest player in the NBA.  But he is slightly shorter than what portion of the Statue of Liberty?”  The choices were her right arm, her eye, the tablet she is holding, and her finger.  Using his final lifeline, Josh asked a buddy to help him, and they missed it.  Anyway….

Josh said veteran contestants (like himself) have a name for that kind of question, but perhaps he shouldn’t tell his pastor.  I said, “Come on. Give.”

“We call that a Go To Hell question.”

“A ‘Go To Hell’ Question,” he explained, “is one relying on such fine detail that no reasonable person should be expected to know it.”

Ah yes.  Who among us is not familiar with such.

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After 26 years, my final week in New Orleans

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“Hitherto the Lord hath been our help” (I Samuel 7:12).

We’ve come this far by faith; I can almost see the lights of home from here.

Meanwhile, we who are in this body do groan (2 Corinthians 5:2).

This morning I thought, “I’m going to miss this neighborhood.  I’m going to miss my early morning walks down these wide, empty streets.”

Today was the last Thursday I’ll be doing this.  The movers come on Tuesday.

I don’t actually live in New Orleans proper.  River Ridge–my home since May 1994–is a western suburb, an unincorporated barnacle on the underbelly of metro N.O. I pastored First Baptist Church of Kenner, across the street from the airport, from 1990 into 2004 before becoming director of missions for the SBC churches.  Since 2009, my retirement ministry has kept me running.  Meanwhile, I have continued living in this house and worshiping at the same church.  Now, that is all about to change.  Margaret, my wife of 52+ years, died in January 2015. Twelve months later my son Neil moved his family to Mobile to be closer to his job.  In February of this year, I met Bertha.  The widow of a seminary classmate of mine was teaching English in a community college just outside Jackson, MS. Within a day or two, we both knew that “this” was the Lord’s doing.  We’ve chosen a house in metro Jackson MS (the northern suburb of Ridgeland) and as I sell here, I’m buying that one.

I’m moving to Jackson in a few days.

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The pastor’s wife: Target on her back

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“What are these wounds? I was wounded in the house of my friends” (Zechariah 13:6).

A year or two back, I wrote an article on pastors’ wives that has traveled around the earth a couple of times.  “The most vulnerable person in the church” struck a nerve with a lot of good people, many of them hurting from mistreatment by the Lord’s finest.

If something about that seems backward to you, then join the party.

Pastors’ wives seem to be more at risk than anyone else in church.  The expectations on them are the highest, the support the weakest, and the attacks arrive from the unlikeliest of sources.

Periodically, these women send me their stories.  Most are happy to be serving their churches, possess a strong sense of God’s call, and are grateful for the love of His people.   Once in a while, however, their stories make me cringe.  More than once, I have shed tears at the way church people make impossible demands and place heavy burdens upon these sent to lead the Lord’s congregations.

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Questions Deacons Ask (second in a series)

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Doesn’t Acts 6:3 say that the deacons are in charge of the business of the church when it says “whom we may put in charge of this business”?

That’s quite a stretch, friend.

Assuming the question is serious and not frivolous, I would answer a) the word “business” there means “need” or “lack.”  Some translations have it as “this task.”  So, we might infer that deacons are in charge of the needs or lacks of the church, whatever is lacking, wherever there is a need.

And b) but neither here in Acts 6 nor in I Timothy 3, where qualifications for deacons are given, do we find specific directions as to the work of deacons. Read on.

Why doesn’t the Bible say what deacons are to do?

It does. It says they are to serve.

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Leave us with our illusions

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“For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust” (Psalm 103:14).

God is under no illusion about us. He knows we are made of humble stuff.  He knew He was getting no bargain when He saved us. When we sin, the only one surprised is us.

Whether we are under false conceptions, i.e., illusions, about God is another question.

One thing is sure. We sure do love our illusions, our pipe dreams, our false ideas and wrong impressions.

“No one should see how sausage or their laws are made,” goes the saying.  The internet traces the quote to Otto von Bismarck, German chancellor of the late 1800s, who is supposed to have said it more like “Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.”

Leave us with our illusions.

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Questions Deacons Ask (first in a series)

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By no stretch of the imagination do I present myself as an authority on deacons or churchmanship (or anything else for that matter).  But, since the Lord has me holding a number of deacon workshops (retreats, training, etc) each year involving several hundred of the Lord’s finest, I get asked questions regarding this ministry.

Here are some of the most recent questions I’ve fielded in these workshops….

Some new deacons feel their opinions don’t matter.  How can we address this?

Humility on the part of the new deacons and thoughtfulness on the part of the officers–these are always in order.  That is to say, newly ordained deacons will want to be cautious about jumping into discussions to offer their opinions.  Better to stay back and listen and learn until the appropriate time.  At the same time, the chairman or moderator should encourage them to join in the conversation from time to time.

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What the wedding couple cannot promise each other

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Now, everyone who has been married in a church has made a public, solemn promise to stick to his (or her) partner til death…. As Chesterton pointed out, those who are in love have a natural inclination to bind themselves by promises…. And of course, the promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits me to being true even if I cease to be in love.  –C. S. Lewis, “Christian Marriage” in his book Mere Christianity.

In the wedding vow, we promise to be true to our beloved “so long as we both shall live.”

But what we do not promise and probably could not keep even if we did is to always be “in love” with the other.

Say what? How’s that?

C. S. Lewis says, “A promise must be about things that I can do, about actions; no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way.  He might as well promise never to have a headache or always to feel hungry.”

But shouldn’t we always be in love?  Isn’t that the goal?

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What causes God to laugh

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“But Thou, O Lord, dost laugh at them; Thou dost scoff at all the nations” (Psalm 59:8).

Was it Erma Bombeck who once said, “Know how to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans.”

Or was that Joan Rivers?

Anyway.  It’s right on the mark.

The writer for Our Daily Bread tells this:  I was washing my car one evening as the sun was preparing to kiss the earth goodnight.  Glancing up, I impulsively pointed the hose at it as if to extinguish its flames.  The absurdity of my action hit me, and I laughed.

I get a kick out of seeing how prophecy experts bend over backward trying to locate the United States–as well as whatever country happens to be giving us headaches at the moment–in Scripture.  As though our moment in history is so huge and our place in God’s plan so essential, how dare anyone suggest He could have planned the grand sweep of history without our being given a starring role.

As if.

Isaiah 40 has a good word on this.

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How to grow a small church

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“It doesn’t matter to the Lord whether He saves by the few or by the many” (I Samuel 14:6).

Depending on a number of factors, growing a small church is one of the more do-able things pastors can achieve.

Those variable factors include…

–the health of the church (you don’t want a sick church to grow; you want it to get well first!).  I once told my congregation, “There’s a good reason no one is joining this church.  I wouldn’t join it either!” Believe it or not, those words were inspired and they received them well, and repented.

–the attitude of the congregation (if the people are satisfied with the status quo, they would not welcome newcomers).  I’ve known Sunday School classes composed of a small cluster of best friends who felt imposed on by visitors and new members.  No one wants to go where they’re not wanted.

–and the location of the facility (a church situated five miles down an isolated road, at the end of the dead end trail, can almost certainly forget about growing).

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Pastor, grow your church…as God enables.

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“Over ____% of churches in America have plateau’ed.”  (The percentage depends on who’s talking.)

Let the pastor dedicate himself to growing the church as much as possible.

Let growing the church be important to the shepherd.

But let the growth be the real thing, not something hyped up.  Solid growth, not inflated numbers.

A generation or two ago, pastors in our denomination took it for granted that if they wanted to (ahem) move up to a larger church, they needed to show numerical growth where they were presently serving.

Before long, some less trustworthy preachers decided to play that game to the hilt and ruined it for everyone. They grew creative in their counting, they schemed and plotted and even lied about numbers, and doctored the records to make it appear they were experiencing greater growth than they were.

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