Why pastors say dumb things

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“Remind them of these things, charging them before the Lord not to strive about words to no profit, to the ruin of the hearers” (II Timothy 2:14).

The desire to be clever has tainted many a good minister, sabotaged many a fine sermon, and probably messed up a few marriages along the way.

Yesterday, for instance.

On the way home from somewhere, I was listening to a radio preacher. He was local, sounded “live,” and was clearly a biblical conservative, meaning I liked most of what he had to say.  Then, he spoiled it all and said something that “got my goat.”

He mentioned a well-known Southern Baptist evangelist who once preached in his church. “I asked him, ‘Brother, how long does it take you Baptists to disciple a new believer?'”

“He answered, ‘I don’t know. We’ve never done it.'”

Then he, the radio preacher, said, “Shameful!”

From that launching pad, he proceeded to disparage churches for not discipling people while tellling how it ought to be done.

I found myself wondering two things.

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The funniest thing in the Bible

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“And He told them a joke: ‘Two scribes went into a bar mitzvah…”

Okay. There’s nothing like that in the Bible.  And that is all good, believe me.

The Holy Scriptures are not about the humorous side of life and was not given to entertain us. It deals with issues grander, more urgent, deeper, more lasting.

But, since God is the Author of the human personality, and since He used humans to pen the Scriptures, we are not surprised to find humorous–if not outright funny–incidents and aspects to this great book.

Here are a few of my favorites….

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Whether it’s worth the price, pastor

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Once in a while, a pastor has to made a tough call.

Do you speak out on a controversial issue or not?

Yes, you could come down hard on the latest political correctness issue that is dividing the country and enraging both halves.

You could address the racial matter that is driving the liberals crazy and inflaming the conservatives to near-incineration.

You could take a public stand on what your community is experiencing, knowing that many on both sides of the issue are upset with the others.

Some will insist you should take a stand.

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When the church gives sanctuary to its enemy

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“I came to Jerusalem and learned about the evil that Eliashib had done for Tobiah, by preparing a room for him in the courts of the house of God; and it was very displeasing to me. So I threw Tobiah’s household goods out of the room. Then I gave an order and they cleansed the rooms….” (Nehemiah 13:7-9)

My story starts with a dream. It ends with someone else’s dream.

As a rule I don’t dream, and when I do, I usually attach no importance to it. (Good thing the kings in the Bible called for Joseph and Daniel to interpret their dreams; had they summoned me, I’d probably have said, “Dreams are just your mind trying to settle down from a stressful yesterday. Go back to sleep.”)

One hour after waking up, the Lord showed me what this dream meant.

In the dream, I was in a hotel room. As I entered the bathroom, I spotted a hole in the wall. Inside lay a huge boa constrictor, curled up.

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Myth: Some people like church dull.

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“Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new….” (Isalah 43:18-19)

Let me tell you two stories, both sad, the first more than the other.

James and Cissa are leaving their church.

This couple is one you want in your church. Pastors would, please pardon the expression, kill to get them. They are young parents, beautiful, committed, sharper than you and me combined, and talented.  They have hearts for serving, a willingness to hang in there when things go bad, and a submission to leaders even when they disagree. And they tithe.

But after years of frustration in their church—a congregation that is dead-set on dying, even when the Lord planted them in a thriving community and sent them several dynamic couples like James and Cissa–they have finally received the green light from the Lord. It’s time for them to find another church.

I hate, hate, hate this for their church. The decision-makers brought it on themselves by refusing to connect with their community, by ignoring members who wanted to do something innovative, and by their commitment to the church of yesteryear. The community they’re trying to reach existed during the Eisenhower years and hasn’t been seen since.

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Three great reasons to tell stories in your preaching

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“He never preached without telling stories.” (Mark 4:34)

Pastor, your people love a good story. Listeners who have gone on vacation during the first ten minutes of your sermon will return home in a heartbeat the moment you begin, “A man went into a store….” or  “I remember once when I was a child….”

Those who have died early in your message will suddenly spring to life when you say, “The other day, I saw something on the interstate…” or “Recently, when the governor and I were having lunch at the local cafe…”  (smiley-face goes here)

We all love a good story. We’re so addicted to stories, our television brings us hundreds a day. (Even on talk shows, the host wants his guests to tell a story!) Drop in on your local cinema and no matter which screen you’re watching, it’s all stories.  And the book publishing business–well, you get the idea.

There are a thousand reasons for droppng the occasional story into your sermon, pastor.  Here are my top three….

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When leaders are afraid to lead

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“Do not be afraid of their faces, for I am with you….” (Jeremiah 1:8).

A friend asked me, “Why is it taking our church so long to get a new pastor?”

I said, “Because your search committee is afraid.  They know that certain members of your congregation are quick to pick apart any minister who isn’t like (a previous pastor, now in Heaven). And they don’t want to take that chance.”

What would you say if I told you most leaders of our churches operate from fear?

You would wisely ask me how I know and where I got such information or arrived at such a conclusion. And I would admit that I do not know this for a fact, that it’s something I’ve come to believe from observing churches and their leaders all these decades. Furthermore, as a pastor for over four decades, I am well-acquainted with the practice of operating from fear.

For instance….

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Before you worship, ask yourself this question

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“Now, while the people were in a state of expectation….” (Luke 3:15)

To the Pharisees who joined the crowds emptying the cities and flocking to hear the rough preacher in the desert proclaim Heaven’s message, John the Baptist asked, “Who warned you vipers to flee from the wrath to come?” (Luke 3:7) 

What were they doing there, he wanted to know.

Long after John had been decapitated for his faithful proclamation of the Lord’s message, Jesus asked the crowds who had thought so much of his rough-hewn cousin:

–“When you went out into the wilderness to hear John, what were you looking for?” (Luke 7:24)

–“What did you go out to see?” (7:25)

–“But what did you go out to see?” (7:26)

Anyone see a trend here?

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The dumbest thing we pastors do

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We preachers sometimes torture the faithful with our complaints about the unfaithful.

We don’t mean to do that.  It’s just something that happens, usually as a result of our frustration.

Listen to the typical pastor or staffer addressing the congregation:

“A little rain never hurt anybody! And where is half our congregation?  But oh no, they couldn’t make it today. They had no trouble sitting through the ball game yesterday in freezing temperatures! Or playing a round of golf in the rain. But let a little sprinkle drop out of the heavens and they can’t make it to church today!”

Or this one:

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Leadership: How to know a leader when you see one

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Recently, I was guest-preaching in a church where the choir and a visiting singer presented a wonderful special just before the sermon.  As they were finishing, the singer, an older gentleman, had some kind of seizure and toppled from the stool where he had been sitting.

Immediately, two things happened: most of the congregation went into momentary shock and  a half-dozen people jumped to their feet and rushed to tend to the man.  They helped him out of the sanctuary and ministered to him in the foyer.  (A subsequent note from a minister assured me the man is fine, that a few hours in the hospital to stabilize his heartbeat and he was on his way home.)

I asked the minister, “Who were the people who got up and came to help him?”

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