Category Archives: Church Conflict

How to be disappointed in your pastor (Reasons 1-10)

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“Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who work hard at preaching and teaching” (I Timothy 5:17).

The first step toward running a pastor off or leaving the church in search of a better preacher is rejecting the one you have.

We have some pointers on how to do that.

Not that some people need a recipe for finding shortcomings with God’s shepherds. Fault-finders will always find a way. But just in case anyone out there in churchland has been wondering how they could justify rejecting their pastors (to themselves at least), we have the blueprint….

1) Expect the pastor to read your mind.

“You know we always have our meeting on the first Tuesday of September, Pastor. Why did you schedule that revival then?”

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How to revitalize an old church and live to tell about it

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Let’s state the obvious here. If we let a church die and go out of business, then bring a new group into the building and start afresh with something different, we have not revitalized anything.  We have held a funeral and then birthed a new flock.  And that is often necessary and good.

We’re talking here about taking a dying, dwindling congregation, one that has been on the decline for years and even decades, and turning it around, giving the people new vision, and watching God turn it into a strong body of believers.

Hard to do? You bet.  And, may we say, pretty rare, too.  Most dying congregations are that way for a reason, chief among them being that they are wed to the present way of doing things and are dead-set on not changing a thing.

A young friend will be leaving his church soon to move to another state where he will be taking the pastorate of an older congregation that has been dwindling in numbers. Members who remain are all in their golden years.

The pastor was excited but clear-headed. He knows this can be hard in the best situations and impossible in others. So, wisely, he’s picking the brains of seminary professors and veteran pastors with experience in the business of turning around dying congregations. And, he’s interviewing young ministers who are accomplishing this very thing, wanting to know what they have learned.

As is often case, his small congregation has invited a larger, dynamic church to adopt them, completely turning over the keys to them, so to speak, which is the only way to achieve this.  The big church is the one bringing in my friend to lead the one on life-support.  That’s a good sign and shows the weak congregation is serious about wanting to survive and have a strong presence in their community.

For what they are worth, here are a few of my comments to the young minister….

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How to fire a staff member, and have him like it

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There are healthy ways to do the most unpleasant of things.

Nothing is more difficult, more unpleasant, and with a greater possibility for collateral damage than terminating a minister on the church staff.  Few churches get this right.  Many end up doing far more damage to the kingdom of God than if they had left that staff member where he was and done nothing.

To be sure, there are occasions when terminating a minister on the spot with no advance notice is necessary. I can think of several reasons…

–He has been arrested and there is probable cause.

–He is guilty of a serious immorality and people were hurt by him.

–He is doing teaching something blatantly unscriptural and insisting that he will continue.

–He is being disruptive in the church and doing great harm.  Let’s say he is leading a movement to get the pastor fired.  He should be terminated on the spot.

However, even in those situations, you as a church leader have more people to think about than just that one person.  If he has a wife and children, you owe them the Christlike care and continued ministry of the church until their lives straighten out.  If that minister has the trust and affection of church members, you owe them the assurance that this matter is being handled in a way they would approve of if they were doing it.

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How tiny churches do things

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Not long ago, I was worshiping with friends in a small, rural and very old church not far from our family home in North Alabama.  The building was erected in 1857 and has been used by various congregations over the decades. Presently, it’s a Baptist church. The members, mostly retirees, treasure its quaintness and its unpainted exterior and try to keep things natural.  The building has no electricity, no nursery, no cushioned pews, and no frills of any kind.  A few kerosene lamps can be seen here and there, and out back are the toilets.  Since the church activities consist of one service each Sunday at 8:30 am, I’d be surprised if the facilities are ever used.

The members don’t demand a lot of their church and appreciate what they have found, the fellowship. (Some go on to other churches in town later in the morning.)

The pastor of that little congregation is a retired minister only a couple of years shy of his eightieth birthday. But he’s still sharp and energetic and it seems to be a good union.

While I was there, they did something most unusual.

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Thank you, Father, for the pain

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“No suffering for the present time seems joyful but grievous; nevertheless, afterward….it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness” (Hebrews 12:11).

“And indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (II Timothy 3:12).

I hated the pain at the time, Lord.

It’s no fun hurting, lying awake at night hoping for sleep that will not come, wishing for relief and seeing none on the horizon.  At those times I knew why some turn to drink or drugs or worse, but that issue was settled decades ago, Lord, that I would not be bypassing, shortcutting, or tranquilizing whatever you send me in this life.

Remember that time back in the 1960s when a few unhappy people were stirring up matters in your church, saying that I was pushing integration and was going to destroy their church?  Remember that?  I do too.  Oh, how I do.  That was no fun.

As though it were their church. That’s a laugh.  They’re long off the scene and Your church is still there. And integrated, too, I imagine. (smiley-face goes here)

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What to do in the midst of your storm

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“So amid the conflict, whether great or small, do not be discouraged God is over all…”

It’s a conflict, storm, nightmare, or maybe just a small flareup.  To anyone else, it might be nothing, but to you it is serious business. Anything could happen, and you want to be very careful and to handle this well.  See if any of this helps….

Someone came up to me Tuesday evening at the conclusion of my fifth and final Christmas dinner/banquet where I had tried to draw everyone present and deliver a message on living by faith.

“You have no idea how appropriate your message was for us tonight.  It was sent from God.”

That’s what keeps preachers going. It’s better than any tonic.

How does that line go?  Everyone is either just coming out of a battle, in the middle of a battle, or about to go into one.

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Why the pastor is the last one who should deal with personal attacks

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Someone–Sister Dee Structive or Brother Big Shott–is stirring up dissension in the church, accusing the pastor of this silliness or that foolishness.

On the surface, their criticism appears to be nonsense, and yet some people will believe anything negative. The congregation is disturbed by this business and outsiders are looking around for other churches to visit.

Somebody ought to do something and do it quickly.

We have said on this website that when someone in the church attacks the pastor and is stirring up strife in the church, a small group of Godly members should visit the troublemaker and do two things: a) ask “what’s going on?” and then b) listen to their complaint.  If they have a legitimate beef, or if it appears they may have one, the members of the task force return to the pastor and, with his involvement, begin the process of dealing with it.  However, if the individual does not have a sound reason for what they are doing, the visitors kindly but firmly ask them to “cease and desist.”

“Sister Structive, we are asking you to stop this now. It should end.”

To my surprise, several readers went found much to disagree with in this approach.

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Ignorance plus arrogance? Move back and give it some room!

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“A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.” (Is that in the Bible? It ought to be. Smiley-face goes here.)

Here’s one that is: “I am also convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, and able also to admonish one another.” That’s Romans 15:14, and we sure wish we knew whether the Apostle Paul had tongue firmly planted in cheek when he said this or was dead serious.  It appears to us that the recipients of this Roman letter, as with so many of the others Paul wrote, were deficient in some areas of knowledge of spiritual things. We’re glad they were, of course, because in addressing these issues for them, Paul ended up instructing us.

One wonders what it must be like to be “filled with all knowledge.”

After all, “knowledge puffs up” (I Corinthians 8:1).  Modern translations say, “knowledge makes arrogant.”

Ignorance does too, oddly enough.  In fact….

Ignorance coupled with arrogance makes for a deadly combination.  When you see that monster coming down the road, get out of the way because it bloodies everything it touches.

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When you’re doing your best work for the Lord, you may be enjoying it the least.

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“…we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed;  perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body” (Second Corinthians 4:8-10).

Think of this as a letter, a reply to several people in the  ministry who are so stressed out–and angry and discouraged and frustrated–they are considering jumping ship, throwing in the towel, and a lot of other metaphors that mean quitting and going back home..

Don’t quit, friend.

When you find yourself working in a place where God sent you and doing the work which God gave you everything else is secondary.

The fact that the church keeps changing your job description and expecting more and more from you is just a fact of life.

The fact that the pastor you work for has become a tyrant is interesting, but not much more than that.

The fact that the personnel committee is making ever-increasing demands on you while curtailing the little support you were receiving is of concern, yes, but it’s not determinative.

That Sister Dee Structive is stirring up gossip about you and trying to undermine  your ministry just makes your service for the Lord all the sweeter.

And that’s my point.

When the people you look to most for support and encouragement in ministry turn against you and you find yourself all alone out there on the stage, you are about to do your best work for the Lord.

Don’t blow this now, child of God.

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Perfectionism: The cruelest burden we place on one another

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“Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father in Heaven is perfect….” (Matthew 5:48)

First, let’s get the theological argument out of the way.

Let’s make this perfectly clear: God knows you are not perfect and will never be this side of Glory.

And even clearer: “God does not expect sinlessness out of you and me. He is under no illusion about us.”  See Psalm 103:14 “He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.” And Romans 3:10 “There is none righteous, no, not one.”

Got that?  The illusion of sinless perfection is all ours, my friend.

We read Matthew 5:48 and come away with the erroneous conclusion that God ordered us to be perfect, that perfect means sinlessness, and therefore we can be sinless.  But since we cannot achieve perfection–no one you know has ever pulled it off–then He has given us an impossible standard to live by, one that crushes us and frustrates us and forever disappoints Him.

The result would be that we forever live with a disgusted God and in fear of the celestial woodshed, the destiny of children who bring in failing grades.

Yuck. What kind of theology is this?  And yet, you and I know people who believe this and call themselves Bible students, serious disciples of Jesus, and even evangelists (“sharers of the good news”)..

Now, let’s drop the other shoe here…

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