The high cost of adultery and those who pay it

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I get these sad notes from people who read something from this blog and tell me of some mess-up they’ve done and the unbearable pain they caused. My heart goes out to them and to their loved ones.

My role–from the Lord, I assure you!–is to remind them there is still time to get back up off the mat where life has sent them and to do something significant in the Lord’s work, that sometimes the work of a wounded warrior (even if self-inflicted) is of a higher quality than what it would have been otherwise.

However, from time to time, we get reminded of the high cost of unfaithfulness which those who love us are required to bear when we break our vows. This is one of those stories.

I  was 5 years old when President Franklin D. Roosevelt died and still remember family members bursting into tears. Recently when we were back at the old homeplace in Alabama, I showed my sons where I was standing when we got that news.  Some things leave a lasting impression.

That was April of 1945.  FDR’s wife Eleanor lived another 20 years or more. She was a fine lady in a hundred ways, evidently, although admittedly not much to look at.  People used to make jokes about her appearance, her protruding front teeth, etc.

Not long ago, a historian gave us a different take on Mrs. Roosevelt’s appearance.

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Two preachers and their stories about the Amazon River

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“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).

One of the most productive things a minister can do is to spend time with a good friend also in the Lord’s work bouncing ideas and stories off each other.

Their wives might not appreciate what they are accomplishing–it looks a lot like fun and if she is the left-brained pragmatic one in the family, she can cite a list of a hundred things her preacher-husband could be doing–but let the ministers insist. And persist.

A pastor friend and I were in my office one morning, bouncing ideas and stories off each other.  My favorite thing to do.

We got off talking about the Amazon River.  I have no idea how that happened.

That waterway is 90 miles wide at its mouth and its waters flow 200 miles out into the Atlantic.  Keep that in mind for what follows.

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How to give a commencement address they will remember

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I’ve been watching commencement addresses on C-Span.

It’s not as boring as you might think.

They cut out the introductions and tell you in advance “this lasts 15 minutes” or whatever.

It’s highly educational, particularly for those of us who (ahem) make our living speaking in public.

I’ve heard governors, congressmen and congresswomen, CEOs of big companies, and entrepreneurs, all donning those medieval costumes, some with rather ridiculous soft mortarboards of strange colors, and all trying to say something life-changing to an audience that just wants to get this over with and get in out of the hot sun.

A challenging situation for any speaker, I’d say. .

Some have been entertaining and all have had a certain uplifting quality to them.

The speakers take these invitations seriously, I’m glad to say. Either that, or C-Span refuses to air the ones that bombed.

Anyway, based on my television-watching of the past few days, I’ve decided on the principles of a great commencement address and would like to share them with you.

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The single most encouraging thing you can do for a pastor

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First a disclaimer: I’m a retired pastor, I have no deacons (and no church members), I love deacons, and I’m loving ministry. However, there was a time when life was tough.

That’s what this is about.

I was having trouble with a few deacons. From the day I became their pastor, these men and their families had dedicated themselves to not liking me and being non-supportive in anything I suggested.

Eight years later, we did something.

Amazing, isn’t it, that we waited so long.  But one must not think we did not try a hundred approaches to bring unity among our church leaders.  However, nothing worked.

Finally, in exasperation I told the deacon officers–all of whom were faithful and supportive–that I had had it “up to here” and was ready to bring these men before the church and ask the congregation to take action.

The officers conferred with each other and came back with a most unusual request.

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The time I asked a church member about my preaching

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The pastor had better figure out in a hurry for whom he’s preaching and whom he wants to satisfy before he approaches the pulpit.

If he’s preaching for his audiences–if their response is everything to him–I can assure him there are church members out there ready to pop that little bubble and bring his ego down to earth and send his self-confidence packing.

Here’s my story….

When the husband died, his wife of nearly 60 years was instructing me on how she wanted things done in the funeral.

She mentioned our associate pastor.”I don’t care for his funerals. He talks about himself too much.”

Okay. I had never heard his funeral sermons since he did these only when I was not available.

I said, “What do you think of mine?”

Dumb question.  But I asked for it.

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I don’t much like the preacher either!

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Mickey Crane, pastor of a thriving Free Will Baptist Church in Walker County, Alabama, was telling a group something they needed to hear.

The churches in the area were having a community meeting at a ballfield.  I attended with my mother and sister and wrote down his statement:

“I understand people who don’t like the preacher.  I don’t much like him either and I know him better than you! That’s why I can love and minister to people who don’t like me. I understand.”

How refreshing is that!

And how rare is it.  Listen to some of us preachers poor-mouth about church members who do not like us and you’d think it was our right to receive adulation from the world.

Readers of this website know how pro-pastor I am.  And, from all I read in Scripture, the Lord Jesus is pro-pastor also. In fact, He said things like this….

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That urge to run someone else’s life

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Some years ago when I was still pastoring, I received a phone call from the principal of a local religious school who wanted me to straighten out one of my members.

The man was head of an independent Christian school, ultra-conservative as you may deduce from what follows.

One of my church members was teaching in their school and her husband often volunteered.  The principal said, “Some of us are concerned that he is not the head of their home. The Lord told me to call this to your attention so you can deal with it.”

I said, “Well, I promise to pray about it. If the Lord tells me to, I’ll do it. But not until then.  After all, this comes close to interfering in something not my business.  My approach would be to pray for them, preach the word and God’s plan from the pulpit, and trust the Holy Spirit to take it from there.”

He said, “That sounds right to me. You pray about it–and I’ll be glad to sit down with you and them if you want me there.”

I said, “Don’t do anything unless I call you.”

You want to know the rest of the story?  This account is taken from my daily journal 16 years ago.  No names were recorded (rather wisely, may I say!) and other than the written account, I have no memory of any of it.

As I came across the story in that journal, I find myself amazed at the presumption of this principal and his co-workers.

Imagine me accosting someone because “I was told” that he is not giving sufficient leadership to his wife and children.

Now, as a pastor who writes for other pastors and church leaders, this little incident gives me the opportunity to say a few things.

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What the kingdom of God looks like: You won’t need a tape measure

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“Now having been questioned by the Pharisees as to when the Kingdom of God was coming, He answered them and said, ‘The kingdom of God is not coming with signs to be observed; nor will they say, ‘Look, here it is!’ or ‘There it is.’  For behold, the kingdom of God is in your midst” (Luke 17:20-21).

Those who believe that every human is indwelt by God–and therefore, everyone is divine–love to quote (misquote) this passage.  “The kingdom of God is in you.”

“I have god in me,” they will say, and reference this saying from our Lord.

The clear meaning of this teaching is that rather than God’s kingdom being something earthly, visible, and measurable, it’s spiritual and inner, and therefore invisible and immeasurable.

Now, look at the context.

Staying with the earlier portion of this 17th chapter of Luke, a marvelous collection of teachings, we come out with something like the following:

The Kingdom of God is seen when the strong help the weak (17:1-2), when the faithful minister to the unfaithful with high standards of righteousness and prompt forgiveness to the penitent (17:3-4), when the Lord’s workers serve faithfully and humbly expecting no recognition nor earthly reward (17:7-10), and when we are driven by gratitude to the feet of Jesus (17:11-19).

Or, put another way: Wherever the kingdom of God is, look for faith in the Lord Jesus at work.

Is that visible?  Is it measurable?

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The right to be forgotten

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“And their sins and lawless deeds I will remember no more” (Hebrews 10:17).

Something happened this week to remind me of a note I received from a preacher some time back.

On my website, I had reported that the local newspaper was telling of the arrest of this man for incest.  I was appropriately concerned that servants of the Most High God should conduct themselves by higher standards and I probably shamed this fellow for his iniquity.

The man wrote, “All charges against me were dropped.  But every time I try to get a job and the employer googles my name, your article comes up telling of my arrest. That’s the end of that job.”

He needed me to go back into my files, find that article, and delete that story.

It took some doing, but I managed to find the article and erase the story. Then, I sent him an apology.

It was a well-learned lesson, and I’ve been cautious ever since.

It turns out that this is a far-reaching problem with all kinds of legal dimensions.

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“Our pastor is not a good fit for our church.”

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The committee could not find any specific reasons they wanted the pastor to leave.  Church attendance was healthy, the congregation was responding well to the minister’s leadership, and finances were in line with expectations.  But there was an undercurrent of dissatisfaction with the preacher, and had been since day one.

“You’re just not a good fit for our church” was all the committee could come up with.

They wanted him out. If he refused to go peacefully, a movement would be started to oust him forcibly.

If this sounds unlikely to readers, let me assure you it happens quite often.

The wife of a youth minister texted me recently with a similar story about her husband.  The administrator and personnel chair had visited him that evening to cut him loose upon just this basis–“you’re not a good fit for our church.”  They informed him the pastor would meet with him the next morning to discuss details of his severance.

Just so easily are leaders willing to toy with the lives and ministries of God-called servants as well as with the health, unity, and reputation of His churches.

In many cases, what “you’re not a good fit” means is that certain members simply dislike the minister.  And since they do not like him, clearly, the solution is for him to go back where he came from.

The presumption of some people is truly amazing.

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