I suppose this guy thought he was doing the Bible a favor

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One of our Louisiana state legislators, who shall go unnamed here, had a bright idea a few weeks ago. Since our state, like all the others, has an official state bird (the brown pelican), an official flower (the Louisiana iris), an official fossil (the petrified palmwood, whatever that is) and so forth, why not have an official book and make it the King James Version of the Holy Bible.

Great idea, huh?

He must have thought so.

The (presumably) well-intentioned lawmaker introduced the bill to make this official and promptly announced it to the world. Most everyone seemed to react in surprise and some with a good deal of negativity.  “This is the last thing we need,” many felt.

And they were right.

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How the preacher can do weddings he’ll not regret

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My first wedding didn’t turn out too well.  My sister and the fellow she chose for her life-mate asked me to marry them.  I was ordained and trying to pastor a tiny church outside Birmingham, but other than that, was as green as it’s possible to get. I bought a Pastor’s Manual (yep, they make those things) and in someone’s living room, as I recall, read every word of the ceremony.

I sometimes wondered if the fact that the marriage didn’t last had anything to do with the fact that I didn’t know what I was doing.

Sometime–when we both have the time–I’ll tell you some of my wedding stories. I have quite a few, some embarrassing to me (like calling the groom by the best man’s name) and some embarrassing to the participants (like the time the bride fainted), and some just funny.

I have done hundreds of weddings in almost every conceivable situation–sanctuaries, college chapels, parks, living rooms, and back yard patios–and so have learned a few lessons on how to do this right. (And twice that many on how to get it wrong!)

Here are my pointers. Use any that work for you, and ignore the rest.

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Some people cannot take ‘yes’ for an answer

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“For as many as may be the promises of God,  in Him they are yes….” (2 Corinthians 1:20).

In my last pastorate, on three occasions my congregation hosted foreign mothers and their babies who had come to New Orleans for life-saving surgery for the child. Once or twice, they also took in the interpreters.

This was a considerable undertaking.  For as long as three months, families in our church had these two adults and one infant as house-guests, with others in the congregation shuttling them to and from our Children’s Hospital each day and helping with expenses.

It was a huge event, but one my people did well. I was proud of them, and am to this day.

But I will not soon forget the first time we did this.

I took a phone call from a representative of an international ministry based here in the states and headed by a famous minister.  My name was one of several he had received from our local seminary as a pastor who might be interested in helping to host this mother, child, and interpreter. He said, “I’ve called six or eight pastors in the New Orleans area. So far, most won’t even return my calls. One or two showed interest but nothing more.”

I said, “You can quit calling. You’ve found the church. We can do this.”

We swapped information and I promised to share this with my people, who I knew would jump at the chance to help.

A few days later, after hearing nothing more from the man, I learned he was still calling pastors in the area.  So I phoned him.

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Letter to our grandsons on choosing a wife.

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“He who finds a wife finds a good thing”(Proverbs 18:22).

Let’s talk about finding a wife.

The simplest thing to tell you two boys is to do what your dads did.  My sons and your dads, Neil and Marty, chose excellent women for their wives and your mamas. I wouldn’t be surprised if they chose better than they knew and that may well have been the result of your Grandma’s prayers.

For a long time, Grandma prayed that God would pick the right women for our sons.  He came through in flying colors, as you know.

Now, try to do as well as your fathers did and we’ll be through here.

Background: Grant is about to turn 20 and Jack is 12.  Jack lives outside Charlotte, NC, and Grant the same distance from New Orleans.  Grant works in Zoes Kitchen, a trendy restaurant near here and takes courses at Delgado Community College, while Jack is doing what 12-year-old boys do.

We’re some years away from either of you choosing a bride, I fully expect

But now is the time to begin thinking about it, particularly Grant.  Before falling in love with “the” one and your hormones beginning to smother your brain and blocking out all judgment, now is the time to make some decisions and establish some standards.

By “standards,” we mean you should say “This is what I will will insist on in the woman I marry and I will settle for nothing less.”

The other side of that coin, of course, is that you should dedicate yourself to becoming a husband worthy of her. After all, what’s the use of finding the ideal wife if she decides you are an unfit husband?

But, that’s another article. This one is about you choosing her.

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The day I quit cartooning and gave it to the Lord.

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I’m not sure exactly when this was, perhaps sometime around the late 1970s.  I would have been in my late 30s.  I’d recently been to Singapore to draw a full-length comic book for the missionaries and was doing a regular cartoon feature for our foreign mission magazine out of Richmond, Virginia.  Cartooning was getting to be a big thing in my life, even if it didn’t always fit in with my work as pastor of a Southern Baptist church in a county seat town in Mississippi.

At some point, it began mattering too much.

That’s when I quit.

I recall giving it back to the Lord–literally laying it on His altar–and saying, “This is yours, Father. If I never draw again, it’s fine. Thy will be done.”

Now, I had started drawing as a preschooler.  Mom put my little sister Carolyn and me at the kitchen table with pencil and paper and told us to sit there and “Draw!”  Her intent was not to teach us to do anything other than stay out of her way as she cleaned the house.  But I made the discovery that day.

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13 things to do when your church is hurting financially

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“My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

A lot of things can happen when a church experiences a money crunch, most of them bad.

The finance committee can get upset, deacons can get angry, church members become scared, and staff members start honing their resumes and looking for a safe place to jump.  Nothing about this is good.

Can anything good come from a financial crisis? It depends on how you handle it. Read on.

Keep in mind that sometimes a financial crunch results from a too-aggressive program outstripping the resources. Perhaps the church has become too-invested in a project and the crisis sounds a wakeup call.

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20 practical tips for preachers about funerals

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During seminary, my pastorate of 30 months experienced one death in the congregation. The husband of the deceased lady said, “Pastor, do you know where there is a cemetery around here?”  (We were in the bayou country southwest of New Orleans.) I told him, “I’ll find out.”

I called the pastor of the larger First Baptist Church of Luling, a few miles away.  Don Grafton said, “Joe, I’ve been here 11 years and haven’t had the first funeral.”

He had no idea how to find the nearest cemetery.

That is the exception, believe me. Six years later, when I became pastor of the First Baptist Church of Columbus, Mississippi, if I remember correctly, we had seven funerals the first week or two.  It was like people had “saved up” their dying until the new pastor was on the field.

I’ve buried them of all ages and situations.  Once I did a double funeral for a 34-year-old man and his 64-year-old grandfather. Do the math real quick.  How is this possible?

The grandfather had died ten years earlier and no funeral had ever been held. They interred his ashes inside the grandson’s casket. (The 34-year-old had been killed with an axe and stored in the family’s freezer. Police arrested his wife’s lesbian lover. Both women are serving life terms in our state penitentiary.)

The hardest funerals are for precious little children.  Second most heart-breaking are for mothers who died giving birth.  Next are the young fathers who leave behind a stunned and grieving family.

Nothing about this is fun.  It all tears your heart out and shakes you to your core.

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Letter to my six granddaughters on whom to marry. And whom to avoid.

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Six of the finest young people on this planet happen to be our granddaughters.  Margaret and I are blessed beyond measure.

In order of their arrival into our lives, they are Leah Carla, Jessica Mae, Abigail Rebecca, Erin Elizabeth, Darilyn Samantha, and JoAnne Lauren.  They are as pretty and sweet as their names.

Sometimes, when I’m in the car with one of you, I will raise the question: “How do you choose a husband? What kind of man will you marry some day?”

Now is the time for you to be thinking of this.  In fact, you should have been giving this thought for some time now. Leah, senior member of this sextet, is 25 and little sis JoAnne is the youngest at 16.

First, whom to avoid.  Run from these types just as fast as you can, as far as you get…

1) Lazy.  No matter if he’s charming and sweet-talks you and thinks you are the best thing ever (which you are!), do not be taken in by him. If he can’t hold a job and prefers to live off the earnings of others, marrying a bum like him would be a disaster.  You will be the breadwinner for your entire married life. Marry a hard worker.

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The three days each week the pastor should turn off his computer

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(This is for pastors on the subject of sermon preparation.)

The most vulnerable time for any sermon is in the couple of days prior to its delivery.

At those times, the pastor does not need to be getting criticism or additional input from helpers (like myself!) or further ideas from deep study.  This is when he needs to be putting the finishing touches on his message and getting it ready for delivery.

The first part of the week….

Early in the week–unless the pastor is such a rarity that almost none of this applies to him–he should have nailed down his subject and text for Sunday’s sermon. He should know the “one big idea” the Lord wants communicated. And he should have a general idea where he’s going with this sermon.

How did he get to this point?  By staying in the word day in and day out, and mapping out sermon ideas weeks in advance.  This way, he has known for at least a couple of weeks that next Sunday he would be preaching from this text on that subject.  This is not something he “thunk up” at the last minute. The message has been marinating over these days.

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Think God can’t use you? Think again.

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“And Moses said, ‘Who me, Lord? I’ve not been to seminary. I didn’t even finish college. The other preachers won’t respect me. Pulpit committees won’t have anything to do with me. There’s a bounty on me back in Egypt. I stutter a lot, and tend to freeze up in front of groups. You’ve clearly dialed a wrong number, Lord.”

“And God said, ‘Shut up and listen.'” (My rather free version of Exodus 3-4.)

“The Lord can’t use a nothing nobody like me.”

Ever heard that? Ever said it?

Repent, sinner.  You underestimate God! (And you might be overestimating your own importance in the equation.)

The Lord delights in taking nobodies and doing great things with them.

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