As a mop bucket, dishpan, or dinner plate–your choice, Lord. Just use me please.

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” Now, in a large house there are not only gold and silver vessels, but also vessels of wood and earthenware, some of them to honor and some to dishonor. Therefore, if a man cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel of honor–sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work” (Second Timothy 2:20-21).

We do love the practicality and earthiness of the Bible’s metaphors.

Paul was in a jail cell, and had access to several kinds of vessels. Roman guards served his food on some kind of plate. Drink came in a glass or cup of some type. And then, there was the chamber pot.

Chamber pots are not mentioned as such in Scripture to my knowledge, but you can bet they were in the homes of most people, Jew or Gentile, believer or pagan.

There is an old story about a preacher going far into the country to preach at a rural church, and then taking Sunday dinner with a farm family.  The setting was far more primitive than anything he had ever experienced, with the farm animals coming right into the house and eating what fell (or was tossed) from the table.

As a dog kept brushing up against the preacher’s leg, the man of God, hoping to get the host to do something, said, “That sure is a friendly dog.”  The farmer said, “Nah, it’s just that you’re eating out of his plate and he wants it back.”

We hope it’s apocryphal, but having known a few families along the way who let the animals roam everywhere, I would not bet against it.

So long as the dish is thoroughly washed and sterilized, it’s safe to use, no matter how it was employed earlier.

Some people feel forever stained by their sordid past.

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What I miss most about the pastorate

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Nothing.

As much as I loved pastoring, I do not miss it.

That might need a tiny bit of explaining.

I’ve not pastored since 2004, when I became the area-wide “director of missions” for the SBC churches in metro New  Orleans, a Southern Baptist position similar to the Methodist District Superintendent or some minor bishop (but, as we tell our Catholic friends, “bishop without the authority or funny hat”).  After 5 years, I retired to a ministry of itinerant preaching, writing, cartooning/sketching, and honey-doing.

I do not miss pastoring, even though I put in 42 years serving six churches and by all reports, did a fair job of it.

I do not miss the stress.

I do not miss the constant demands placed on a pastor and the sleepless nights that result.

I do not miss the relentless return of the Sabbath with its requirement for several new sermons and fresh presentations at every level.

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Why the Lord has to call people into this work

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The pastor said to me, “Pray for me. It’s hard out here. But we’re hanging in there, trying not to return evil for evil.”

I teased, “That’s why they pay you the big bucks, to put up with that stuff.”  And after a moment’s reflection, added, “It’s why God has to call people into this ministry.”

If it were easy, they’d be lining up to get in on it.

Called by God. Yes, it’s how He fills the ranks of shepherds.

“Now, the Lord said to Abram, ‘Go forth from your country…to the land which I will show you; and I will make you….” (Genesis 12:1ff.)

“Now Moses was pasturing the flock of Jethro his father-in-law…. And the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a blazing fire from the midst of a bush…. (And God said) ‘I will send you to Pharaoh, so that you may bring my people out of Egypt.” (Exodus 3)

“And God said (to Isaiah), ‘Go and tell this people…'” (Isaiah 6:8)

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The biggest problem preachers and teachers face

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Try this sometime. You have an image in mind of a person you have thought up. Now, find someone with some art ability and describe your creation to the point that they sketch him/her exactly as you envision them.

Good luck with that.

It’s almost impossible.

And yet, this process goes on all the time.  Here’s the way it works….

A friend contacts me. “Will you illustrate my book?”  I hem and haw, give non-answers (“Well, tell me what you have in mind.” “What exactly do you need?” “When do you need it?” “How many drawings will it be?”), and look for ways–true confession coming up here!–to get out of doing it.

Tackling such an assignment is guaranteed to age you prematurely, an exercise in frustration.

As I explained to an author recently while we were in the process of going back and forth with her descriptions and my attempts to capture them on paper, like a bad tennis match, “It’s this way with every writer who asks someone to illustrate her book. She begins thinking it’s going to be simple. ‘Just draw me a warrior holding a sword.’ Then, she looks at his sketch and wants him just a little taller. Next time, could you put a scowl on his face and not make him look so nice.  And could we change his clothes? And put armor on him.  Brown hair. Green eyes. Oh, and he’s wearing a cape.”

Multiply that times the number of characters the writer wants drawn and you see in a heartbeat the difficulty.

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Through no fault of their own: The preacher’s kids, caught in the crosshairs

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The little boy was 7 years old and loved the church where his dad served as pastor.  So, he was not prepared for the bully who decided to take out his frustrations with the preacher on him.

Each week during the Sunday School assembly, the director of the children’s department would ask, “Has anyone had a birthday this week?” Now, he already knew the answer since the church bulletin carried this information. But, they would identify the children with birthdays and sing to them.

This week, little David had celebrated his 7th birthday and was eagerly anticipating that tiny bit of recognition from his friends in Sunday School. This day, however, the director chose not to ask if anyone had had a birthday that week.  David came home in tears.

His mother said to me, “How could I explain to my child that the director despises his father? And that he has fought us on everything over the past year. And that he took out his frustration on the minister’s child?”

She said, “These are things  we should not be having to explain to a 7-year-old child.”

“It really hurts.”

I suggested she tell David that church members everywhere will read his story here and will go out of their way to make sure this never happens again. His experience will end up blessing a lot of children.

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Word-wrangling: A new rodeo event for preachers?

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“Remind them of these things, and solemnly charge them in the presence of God not to wrangle about words, which is useless and leads to the ruin of the hearers.” (II Timothy 2:14)

I’m not sure most of us preachers fully believe the scriptural command to avoid word-fights.

After all, aren’t some words worth wrangling over?

“Wrangling about words” conjures images of cowboys at the corral trying to tame a bucking theological term that won’t hold still.

It’s an interesting translation of the Greek logomacheo, with the logo meaning “word” and macheo referring to fighting.  “Wrangling” is as good a translation as any. Maybe “wrestling,” or simply “fighting over words.”  (Logomacheo is found only here in the New Testament, but the noun logomachia, found in I Timothy 6:4, is translated “disputes about words, out of which arise envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions, and constant friction between men of depraved mind and deprived of the truth….”  A little free information there. )

Be that as it may, many of us preachers do love to argue about words.

Wonder why that is.

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Our favorite seniors in Scripture

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“Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance….” (Titus 2:2)

Abraham. Moses. Caleb.Joshua. Barzillai. Simeon.

These godly old people interest us and instruct us.  They inspire us and inform us. And intimidate us?  (Smiley-face goes here.)  Maybe, just a little.

They did so well under extreme conditions.

Now, we’re not just praising them because they lived a long time and got their names in the Holy Scriptures. There are other oldsters in the Word who don’t necessarily make that list of champions.

–There is Eli, the high priest, who told little Samuel to go back to bed and listen for God’s voice, but who did a lousy job raising his sons and turning them loose with God’s people without holding them accountable.

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10 things seniors need to hear again and again and….

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“Remind them of these things…” (2 Timothy 2:14)

All right, here’s the deal.

You’re getting up in years and all those fears you thought you had nailed to the cross decades ago begin reappearing.  Where did these come from, you wonder.

Old memories of sins forgiven (and of which you are ashamed) crop up and nag you.  You worry about dying. Subtle doubts about the most elemental teachings in the Christian faith pull at you.What if this is all a sham, if the Bible is not true, if you were fooled.

You’re normal.

However, you need to get back on track. Otherwise, your fears and worries could throw you off course and hurt you just when you are most vulnerable and will be needing faith the most.

I’ve heard that tightrope walkers are most in danger toward the end of their walk. They have defied death in crossing the width of the circus tent on that thin wire, and now they are almost to the end.  If they let down their guard now and relax, they could lose their concentration and a misstep would plunge them to their death.

This is no time to lose your focus, senior saint.

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The only thing your church’s seniors have in common is years.

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“They will still yield fruit in old age….” (Psalm 92:14)

In a church where I was the guest speaker recently, the minister announced,”Today is Senior Sunday. We want to honor all our senior adults!” So far, so good. Then, he really did it.

“If you are age 50 and above, you are a senior adult.”

What! My oldest son reached that age last February.  If he’s a senior adult, then what does that make me?  I wasn’t even ready to admit that I’ve become one!

Then, the next church where I spoke, the minister told the congregation, “Who is a senior adult? We will let each of you make your own decision about that.”  Ah, a wise man.

Anyone who would work with the seniors in church needs to get straight on some matters up front.

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That little outpost of 1950 inside your congregation

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In Brazil, there is a community of Alabama and Mississippi rednecks.

Really.

Okay, that needs a little explaining.

These are descendants of Southerners who migrated to South America right after the end of the Civil War. They call themselves “Confederados,” and according to Americans who have traveled there to study them, they sound like they’re all from Georgia.

The September 2013 issue of “American Civil War” magazine says as many as 20,000 southerners left the devastated southern states beginning in 1866 and continuing over the next few years.  Most settled in Brazil, although  some returned home, but those who remained accommodated themselves to their new culture, new language, etc., while making sure that their descendants grew up bi-lingual and with an appreciation for their southern heritage.  The city of Americana in the Brazilian state of Sao Paolo is 200,000 strong (not all of them Confederados, of course).

One member of their group says, “We’re the most Southern and the only truly unreconstructed Confederates that there are on Earth.  We left right after the war, and we never pledged allegiance to the d–n Yankee flag.”

As a citizen of the wonderful United States of America, I respond, “That’s your privilege, but you ought to get down on your knees every night and give thanks to Almighty God that the USA came together and has stayed intact. Imagine what Hitler and Stalin would have done in this world had North America been made up of a bunch of tiny, independent, competitive, argumentative nations instead of the United States becoming the leader of the free world!”

Anyway, as I was saying.

These transplanted southerners call to mind the Amish people inside our own country who maintain traditions and customs of former times.

Many a pastor knows what this is like.

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