Where the pastor’s wife can find a buddy

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Recently when we posted our article “We owe the pastor’s wife a great debt of love,” among the responses that flowed in were a couple from women married to ministers who said, “We live a long way from the nearest church of our denomination. So, there is no one nearby for me to meet with.”

I replied, “Go outside your group. Once you get past the surface differences, you’d be surprised how much you and the other wives have in common.”

It occurs to me today how difficult that might be for some.

If, for instance, you are married to a Pentecostal preacher and the only other churches in your town are Episcopalian and Methodist, you could easily feel that the differences in your situations are so vast that this would not work.

Give it a try. Maybe you’re right. But what if you’re wrong and those spouses could turn out to be your best friends.

Let me tell you a story. I’ve told it on these pages before, but it fits here.

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Three things a pastor cannot do (and should not try)

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The best thing about being a pastor is you’re able to make such a difference in people’s lives for eternity’s sake.

There are so many great aspects to the ministry, things you can do which were not available to you until the Lord thrust you into the ministry.  People trust you, they hand you the key to their lives (in a sense), they receive you  into their homes as an honored guest (almost a family member from the first), and they listen to you as though yours was the voice of the Father.

That’s a heavy load.

However, there are limitations. Just because people trust you and hand you a trainload of esteem and truckloads of trust does not mean you can do everything you would like. There are some lines you should not cross, some fences you need to respect.

The no-no’s everyone thinks of first might include prohibitions such as these:

…Not to preach longer than 45 minutes (25-30 is best). Who made that rule? No one. But unless your name is Spurgeon, it’s probably a good one to observe.

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The pastor reviews a movie. Uh oh.

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Anytime a pastor stands in the pulpit to give his opinion on a movie currently playing which he and his wife have just seen, look for trouble.

Some will resent that a pastor goes to the movies. Of those who don’t mind, some will be concerned that he admits it publicly.

Some will be concerned that the movie was not rated G and produced by Good-and-Nice Productions of Hometown, USA.

The balance of the congregation will split between those who agree with the pastor and appreciate his “take” on the movie and those upset because the movie takes liberties with history or offends their pet group, contains a mild profanity or shows the married couple in bed.

“The Butler” is in the theaters now. “Based on a true story” usually means the basic framework is historical but much of the rest has been concocted out of whole cloth.  The  movie has been out a couple of weeks and so on Labor Day some of my family and I decided to take it in. The reviews we’ve seen have been positive, so we were expecting an enjoyable outing.

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The strangeness of church hospitality

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“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers….” (Hebrews 13:2)

Recently some fellow wrote to advice columnist Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, describing a strange situation….

“My wife and I received three unusual invitations.  In the first, we were invited to a cocktail get-together (not a formal party) where I was told that since I do not drink alcohol, I should bring something for myself to drink.”

“The second was from a friend who insisted that he and his wife wanted to get together for dinner, but he did not want to have it at his house or at a restaurant.  He went on to say he did not care if our house was not in order for a dinner party (construction is going on), but that it would be the best place for us to get together.”

“The third was from a man I have done outdoor activities with who invited me to lunch, told me he would stop by my house, and we could make something for lunch there.”

Gotta love it.

According to Miss Manners, such rudeness mocks the whole idea of hospitality. The couple should reply to these requests with, “I’m afraid that won’t be convenient,” and nothing more.

She has never heard of such before, the columnist says, and hopes she won’t ever again.

Ah, but we in the church get that all the time.

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When the church apes the world

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“Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your minds” (Romans 12:2)

In the recording room of a large radio station in Charlotte, North Carolina, I was cutting 30 second spots our church had purchased.  A committee of our sharpest young adults had put together a package of radio ads on several stations hoping to get our message out and make the community aware of First Baptist Church.

After our first cut, the young lady producing the spots said, “Uh, pastor.  I need you to hear something.”

She fiddled with a few dials and turned up the volume on the car commercial running on the air at that moment.  “That’s what the ads on this station sound like.”

The commercial was fast-paced and loud, with a drum hammering a heavy staccato beat in the background.

I said, “I’m well aware of what your station sounds like.”

She said, “Well, you will want your ad to fit in with that.”

I said, “No ma’am. That is precisely what I do not want.”

“I would like to stand out from all that.”

She agreed to do it my way–just my voice talking quietly, nothing in the background–for the first round of ads.

A month later, at the next recording session, she said, “You’re right. I was wrong. What you are doing is working very well.”

Judging by the response we were receiving from the community, she was right.

Sometimes, when I see churches falling all over themselves to look like the world and sound like the world in order to speak to the world, I shake my head.

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You are visiting in a church and the sermon offends you.

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You’re on vacation or just traveling through, and you stop for church somewhere. As a minister of the gospel, you are so looking forward to being ministered unto.

You are beyond disappointed.

Question: Do you say something to the minister or not?

No. Almost always, the answer is “Absolutely not! There may be a hundred reasons why the preacher did not deliver today or the sermon bombed, and you don’t know any of them. Leave him to the Lord.”

When it comes to one preacher rebuking another for something, I fall back on Paul’s statement, “Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls….” (Romans 14:4).

However, that doesn’t stop us from wanting to.

I had spent several days ministering in an East Tennessee setting, and on Sunday morning asked my hosts to go to church with me.  Since we were old friends and they were new in that area and had not found a church home yet, I figured we’d be safe worshiping at the First Baptist Church there.

You would think.

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For you who live on shifting sands

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“But as for you, Daniel, conceal these words and seal up the book until the end of time; many will run back and forth, and knowledge will increase” (Daniel 12:4).

Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen (“The Advocate,” Wednesday, August 28, 2013) has a word concerning the rapid pace of change in our generation.

Cohen cites Moises Naim’s new book “The End of Power,” that many companies which once ruled the economic world–Kodak and Blackberry among others–are now gone or on life support. Congress seems in a state of eternal gridlock and little gets done. Presidents issue directives and hold press conferences and address Congress and nothing happens.  Political parties seem ineffective in holding their mavericks in line.  CEOs take the reins of huge companies and then are fired a couple of years later because they were unable to turn the company around.

At every level, Naim says, people are lamenting an inability to get things done.

And why is this?  What’s happening?

Cohen writes, “For one, there is just more of everything–people, for sure, but also weapons and nations and billionaires and blogs and even chess masters–88 in 1972, more than 1,200 today.  Mentalities have changed. Women all over the world are walking away from abusive marriages, and people are more mobile. ‘Barriers to power have weakened,’ Naim writes. The world is awash in democracies.”

True. Everything not nailed down is coming loose. Everything is changing.

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The strangest race you will ever run

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“I have finished the course” (2 Timothy 4:7).

“But flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness….” (2 Timothy 2:22)

If you think of life on earth as a race, the Christian life is the strangest one ever.

Okay, let’s think of life as a race.

And we don’t mean ‘rat race.’

Recently, I conducted the funeral of a 53-year-old man whose death was sudden and completely unexpected.  Two weeks later, the coroner has still not figured out why he died.

This gentleman was a runner and a longtime member of a local track club which oversees dozens of races of all kinds every year.  Several members of the club eulogized him during our service.

While they were speaking, something occurred to me.

Imagine a race where you have no idea how long it is or when it will end.  You don’t know whether it’s a sprint or a marathon.  It could be short, it could be long.  You would not be so foolish as to save your energy for that final burst at the end, that sprint to the finish line, the way so many runners do. 

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Make me a servant, Lord–but, an “executive” servant, if you don’t mind.

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Something inside us pastors tends to love impressive offices with nice furnishings.

We have to constantly work against this lust for the trappings of the ministry while neglecting the ministry itself.

The front page of Monday, August 26, 2013’s The New Orleans Advocate tells of LSU’s new president Dr. King Alexander’s way of introducing himself to students.  He’s helping them move into the dorms.

In the photo on the front page he’s wearing a t-shirt and ball cap and loaded down with boxes and bags.  Looking anything but presidential.  (Don’t you know he had fun with that!  “No, really, I am the president of the university.  Really! My name? It’s King.”)

Okie dokie.

I will say that in my quarter-century in Louisiana, this guy is unlike any chief executive LSU has ever had.

What makes this special is a conversation I had later in the day with a minister friend concerning a church he once served as a staff member.

“The pastor talked a great game,” he said. “He sounds a lot like (a well known radio preacher) who is his mentor.  Just listening to him preach, you would think this is one great pastor, someone I can really relate to.”

You would be wrong, he said.

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The excitement factor in church

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“Pastor, the minute you decide church must always be exciting is the moment you begin turning the worship services into pep rallies. After that, it all goes downhill.”

I said that on Facebook the other day and enraged a few people.

“Worshiping the Lord should always be exciting,” one person insisted. I replied, “I’m doing the funeral of a 53-year-old man today. It will be comforting, but not exciting.”

I understand where the guy is coming from.

Truth be known, my post probably ticked off the young me, the person I was some 40 years ago.

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