What my pastor’s wife does for him better than anyone else

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“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)

And, may we add, the minister who finds a woman called by God as a pastor’s wife has found a  very good thing indeed.

The role of a pastor’s wife is a unique ministry. Nothing else like it.

My friend Iris, the widow of a beloved pastor, sent me a note this week that went something like this:

“This pastor’s wife had some interesting conversations with God when my college-age daughter burst into the house saying God had called her to be a pastor’s wife.  Later, when she began dating Chris, who was majoring in criminal justice and hoping to work with the border patrol, I asked her if she planned to tell him he was going to become a pastor. She smiled, ‘No. I’m going to let God do that.’ And lo and behold, He did. Chris is going to become a pastor.”

Iris has more than an inkling of what her daughter has in store.  And so, she prays.

My pastor’s wife is Terri and, as I write this, she’s out of the country on a mission trip and can’t stop me from doing this. (smiley-face goes here)

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A rhapsody on a theme of grace and mercy

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Mercy is God NOT giving us what we deserve. Grace is God GIVING us what we do not deserve.

Like that? It’s the truth, but it’s not the whole story.

Think of mercy as the restraint of God, His holding back on the judgment we have coming.

Think of grace as the generosity of God, HIs pouring out His blessings on the undeserving.

After God gives us mercy (forgiving us), we are still in need of grace (transforming us).  Mercy is the judge not sending the defendant to prison but suspending all charges and setting him free. Grace is the judge then recommending him for a training program and inviting him to his church where he will share a pew with a banker and his family.

God is a God of grace and mercy.

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10 big bad things happen when a minister commits adultery, and 2 little-bitty good ones.

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“You have despised me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife” (II Samuel 12:10).

A minister falls into adultery and it becomes public knowledge. This becomes a sad, sad day for everyone who knows him.

(And yes, I am aware it takes two people to commit this sin.  However, this blog is directed toward pastors and other church leaders, so the minister is the focus of our comments here.)

“I think we all should consider this a wakeup call,” said a colleague of a friend who had fallen into sin and lost his ministry.  The other ministers nodded in agreement.

It can happen to any of us. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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20 things a pastor can do to get past a rough time

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Some power clique in the church is on your case.  Some church member is leading a movement to oust you.  The church has a history of ousting pastors every so often and it’s time, and some members are getting restless.

Or, perhaps, as the pastor, you did something wrong and it blew up in your face.  People are calling for your head.

Or, you failed to act and some cancer has gained a foothold within the congregation and your job is in jeopardy.

What to do now?

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Things pastors do to make themselves look–and seem–snobbish

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“God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise” (I Corinthians 1:27).

The New Testament was written in Koine’ Greek for a reason. God wants the common people (careful now…tread lightly when speaking of “the common people”) to know and understand His truth.

A friend of mine once told his pastor, “Could you preach a little more simply for folks like me?  After all, the Lord said to feed His sheep, not His giraffes.”

“Snobbishness” is a loosely understood word that means one thing to Aaron and something entirely different to Zachary.  As a Supreme Court justice once said of pornography, however, even if we cannot define it, we know it when we see it.

What follows is one preacher’s note to his preacher friends on guarding oneself against snobbishness, that is, appearing better than others, aloof from the very people we are sent to reach and nurture in Christ.

1) Be careful about telling the congregation–or any audience on the planet!–about the time “When I got my doctorate.” Or, “When the U. S. Jaycees named me one of the ten outstanding young men of America.” Or, “When I won my Rhodes scholarship.”

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Keeping one’s word: So simple, so difficult. My story.

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“I shall come into Thy house with burnt offerings; I shall pay Thee my vows” (Psalm 66:13).

During seminary days, I served a little church on Alligator Bayou some 25 miles west of New Orleans.  We moved into an apartment in the back of the church and lived there for the next 30 months.  The Cajun culture was a new experience for this Alabama farm boy and the church proved a blessing from beginning to end.

In prayer meeting one Wednesday evening, someone asked a question about a scripture. I said, “I don’t know, but I’ll look it up and get back to you.”  Afterwards, Earl, a middle-aged member of the church, pulled me off to one side.

“The pastor before you was always promising to look up something and get back to us. But that was the last we would hear of it.  If you tell someone you’re going to get back to them, pastor, do it.”

Earl, as I was to discover, could be a little caustic in his counsel, but he was on target with this.

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What preachers want most and pray for hardest

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“My heart’s desire and my prayer to God for them is for their salvation” (Romans 10:1).

Nothing affirms a pastor more than seeing people come to Christ and becoming new creations. That’s why ministers whose churches are regularly baptizing new believers cannot wait to tell you about it. They’re not bragging–well, okay, most of them aren’t–but rejoicing.  It feels like, “Finally! I’m getting this right!”

Likewise, nothing weighs down a minister and makes him think he may be spinning his wheels like seeing no one responding, no lives changed. It’s days like this when he looks around for something else to do with his life–take another church, find another career, go back to seminary, something. It feels like failure.

To be sure, the Lord is always at work, doing things beneath the surface unseen by human eyes. And anyone who ventures to do anything by faith–to worship and give, to serve and preach and minister–must go into it knowing that he/she may not see the results in this lifetime, and believing that the Sovereign Lord can use the weakest vessel and the poorest voice.

And yet.

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20 things many pastors do not get and should

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1. People do not like to follow; you have to show them why doing so is a good idea.

A pastor wrote, “You said preachers should be leaders. But what if the congregation does not want you to lead? What if they do not respond?” I answered, “Then you have a bigger job of leadership to do. The people have to be taught.  Lead them to want to do something for the Lord.”

2. You start pastoring small churches in difficult locations for good reason. It is good to bear the yoke in your youth.  (That’s Lamentations 3:27).

When I announced to the family God had called me into the ministry–I was 21 and a senior in college–my coal-miner dad said, “Well, that’s fine. But son, start with smaller churches so you can learn how to do it before moving to larger ones.”  I type that and smile, “As though we had a choice about it, Pop.”  That’s how life works.  Faithful in small things, trusted with the larger (Luke 16:10).

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120 things pastors should do on Mondays

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“Come away by yourselves to a lonely place and rest a while” (Mark 6:31).

Church members often have no idea what the Lord’s Day is like for pastors. It’s anything but “a day of rest,” believe me.

In some churches, God’s servant preaches three and four sermons a day, and thus leads that many worship services. The pastor will greet scores (hundreds even) of people and has brief, potent conversations with many on the fly. (The next day, several will call to ask, “Pastor, what did you mean by what you said to me in the hallway?”  The poor beleagured preacher doesn’t recall even seeing them.)

The pastor will sit in on committee meetings, often leads them, has quick conferences with key leadership on a vast range of subjects, and may even conduct a funeral in the afternoon.

There have been Sundays so exhausting that as soon as I arrived home, around 1 pm, I went straight to bed and had lunch around 4 o’clock.  Then, had to be back at church for a 5 o’clock meeting of the deacons.

I know numerous pastors who get to church by 4:30 on Sunday mornings to put the finishing touches on the sermon and get themselves mentally and spiritually prepared for the day.

Most people have no idea.

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To the young fidgety pastor’s wife

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“Not that we are adequate to think anything of ourselves; but our adequacy is of God” (II Corinthians 3:5).

The “fidgety” in the title refers to the young wife, not to her pastor-husband.

You’re just not sure you are cut out to be a preacher’s wife.  You wonder why in the world the Lord in Heaven thought you of all people had what it takes to be the (ahem) “first-lady” of any church, large or small.  You are so overwhelmed by all the inadequacies you bring to this assignment, you find yourself wishing most days that your man would walk in and announce he was mistaken, that God wants him to run the State Farm office with his father back home.  A normal existence.

You’re normal, young sister.

Every minister’s wife on the planet has felt this way, including the best ones, those beautiful put-together women you admire from a distance who seem to have developed “pastors-wife” into a career and a calling.

“Not that we are adequate for these things.”

1) You are not adequate for this assignment, let’s say that up front.  You do not have what it takes.

This has nothing to do with anything.

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